It’s been a few days since Junhyung confessed to Haneul. To him, it felt as thou time stopped at that moment. No meetings, no phone calls, no text messages, nothing. She didn’t contact him, neither did he contact her. He was confused. He didn’t know if what he did was the right thing.

He asks himself daily if he had confessed to her too quickly. On one hand, he wanted an answer, but on the other hand, he was scared. Despite bracing himself for rejection, he still feared. He also worried about their friendship. Can they still be friends after this? Would she shut herself up again? He took a long time getting her to open up to him.

His moodiness was written all over his face. It was so obvious but the members were afraid to approach him. The only people who would dare to go close to that boy when he is looking like that would only be either Doojoon, Hyunseung or Seungho, but unfortunately, all three are not around.

“40% of the things you worry about wouldn’t actually happen. You know?” Yoseob said, sitting down beside his Hyung.

The boys couldn’t stand seeing their Hyung go downhill, so they played a game of scissors, paper, stone and the loser has to approach him. Yoseob lost, obviously.

“What?” Junhyung asked.

“You’re worrying about something, aren’t you? It’s all over your face.” He said, handling a can of coke to his Hyung.

“It’s just…” Junhyung mumbled, putting the can of Coke down.

“You’re not drinking coke!?” Yoseob exclaimed.

“So?” Junhyung asked tiredly.

“That means you’re really worried. It’s a serious problem. Right?” Yoseob said.

“What are you talking about?” Junhyung said.

“For someone who’s life depended on Coke to actually leave the can of drink aside, he must be really unhappy and moody. What is it, Hyung?” Yoseob asked.

“It’s nothing. Just thinking about something.” Junhyung said.

“Hyung……” Yoseob aegyo-ed.

Junhyung gave him a disgusted face. In the past, he found it cute. But after he seen Haneul’s, Yoseob is nothing but a beginner at aegyo.

Yoseob pouted and walked towards his other group mates.

“I give up!” He shouted in frustration.

Junhyung laughed at the boy’s failed attempt to get anything out of him.

“Guys, I’m really fine. No worries, okay?” He said, opening the can of Coke.

How could he resist it?

“Hyung, we’re all behind you.” Kikwang said.

“Thanks.” He mumbled as he drank his drug.

“Oh Seob, what was it that you said just now? That 4% or 40% whatever?” Junhyung asked.

“40% of the things you worry about wouldn’t actually happen.” Yoseob said, feeling very smart.

“Who told you that?” Junhyung asked.

“Erm.. Dongwoon?” He said, looking at the other boy.

“It’s wrong, Dongwoon ah.” Junhyung said.

“What?” Dongwoon asked, confused.

“How can you console someone by saying 40% of the things they worry about wouldn’t actually happen?” Junhyung said.

“What do you mean? Why not?” Dongwoon asked.

“60% of it already happened, how consoling can that be?” Junhyung said.

“But.. I… Ah Hyung! It’s just a quote!” Dongwoon said in frustration.

Junhyung laughed and ruffled the hair of the boy.

“I’m going out.” He said.

“Where?” They asked.

“Somewhere. I don’t know.” Junhyung said.

“You’ll come home, right?” Kikwang asked.

“If I don’t come home, who would watch over you guys?” Junhyung said.

“Not that you actually did. You were just spacing out.” Yoseob mumbled.

“I beg your pardon?” Junhyung walked closer to the younger boy.

“It’s really cold out there! I’ll grab you a coat!” Yoseob said, slipping away.

“See you later. When I come back, I don’t wish to see a hole in the wall leading to our neighbor’s house yea.” Junhyung said as he put on his coat.

“Hyung! We’re not kids!” Kikwang pouted.

“Really?” He asked, turning Kikwang towards the mirror.

“What do you see?” Junhyung asked.

“I see me!” Kikwang smiled.

“That’s right! It’s you! A five year old!” Junhyung flicked Kikwang’s temple.

“What? I’m not! I am.. Erm.. How old am I this year?” Kikwang mumbled and started thinking.

“Oh my god~ I didn’t know Pabo-ness could get this serious.” Junhyung mumbled as he stepped out.

He his coat, letting the cold wind slap his chest. He shivered, but he felt good. He walked the streets, buying random stuff to eat on the way. It has been long since he actually stroll the streets. He didn’t have any music in his ears this time.

He enjoyed the sound of the streets; People chattering, friends laughing, boyfriends teasing their girlfriends, babies crying, parents coaxing, cars honking, traffic lights beeping, Ahjummas yelling for sales at the top of their voice, Ahjusshis whistling as they walked.

He found himself smiling. He missed those sounds. He missed out a lot. Ever since he started his celebrity career, he has never been on public transport, neither has he walked the streets like that. Just a year, and everything has changed, so has he; he thought.

He walked aimlessly and found himself near the bookstore. He stood at his spot; the same spot he saw Haneul hug the guy the other time. He stared at the empty spot, spacing out. Until he heard the sound of someone pulling the shutter down did he snap out of his thoughts and look up.

He expected to see Haneul, but instead, he saw the boss. Where is Haneul?

“Junhyung? Is that you?” The man asked.

“Ah.. Yea.. Annyeonghasaeyo.” Junhyung bowed.

“Ahh, good that you’re here. I was going to look for you. Are you coming here to rest?” The man asked, pushing up the shutter again.

“No no. It’s okay. You can just close.” Junhyung said.

‘Where is Haneul?’ He wanted to ask.

“You wanted to look for me?” Junhyung asked instead.

“Ah yes.” The man said, handling him a bunch of keys.

“What’s this for?” Junhyung asked in surprise.

“I wouldn’t be open at night anymore?” The man said.

“Wouldn’t be open!?” Junhyung asked, a little too loudly.

“Hahaha~ I’m not kicking you out. You can still come in as and when you like. The keys are for you.” The man replied.

Junhyung didn’t care whether he could access the basement or not. He cared more about the person he went to the bookstore nightly without fail for.

“I mean, but why? You’ve always been open at night.” Junhyung asked, trying to hide his emotions.

“Ahh, my part-timer, the girl, I don’t know if you met her, but she’s taking a break for now and I don’t know when she’ll be back. No one is willing to work at night you see. So I might as well close it.” He explained.

“She quit?” Junhyung asked, feeling partly at fault.

“Well, she didn’t exactly quit. But she told me she wants a break to sort some things out. She sounded quite urgent and upset, so I don’t see why I should hold her back.” He said.

“I see.” Junhyung mumbled.

“I have to go. Make yourself feel at home inside yea. Tell me if you need anything.” The man said.

“Thank you.” Junhyung bowed.

When the man left, he opened up the bookstore again. He the lights and stared at the empty counter Haneul once sat. The book she was reading still lied on the table, the tissue that she used as a bookmark stuck out from it. Junhyung recognized the position of it. It wasn’t touched since that day. That means she has been gone for quite awhile already.

He looked at the Christmas tree; it seemed to be mocking at him. They decorated it together, but he is admiring it alone. He saw the Donald Duck he bought for her sitting at the corner of the bookstore. The blood stain on its cheek was still there.

“You’re lonely, aren’t you?” He asked, picking it up.

“I’m lonely too.” He mumbled, hugging the toy close to his chest.

He could smell her perfume on it.

He sat on chair; the same one he sat on that day. The only difference is that she wasn’t there anymore.

“I drove her away. It’s entirely my fault.” He mumbled.

“I scared her away. If only I waited. If only I was more patient. Yong Junhyung, you idiot!” He said as he slapped himself.

“She just opened up to you, and you had to do this?” He slapped himself again.

“Why are you so desperate? Why can’t you wait!?” He scolded himself.

His cheeks were red and hot. He used the soft toy as a cushion, resting his head onto it.

‘Haneul would definitely pull it away from me and yell at me for resting on its chest, telling me that it would hurt him.’ He thought to himself.

“It’s just me and you now.” He said, holding the toy to sit in front of him.

“I miss her.” He said, caressing the toy.

“Do you think she’ll come back?” He asked.

“Don’t stare at me like this. I know I am ugly.” He said, putting the toy face down.

“Yong Junhyung, why are you always screwing up?” He asked himself as tears stained his face.