Junhyung’s POV

Haneul’s parents insisted we stay in their apartment while they stay somewhere else. We were reluctant because it does not make sense for them to give up their place for us, but her mom insisted and claimed that she did not like the present apartment because it was too high up, but they shifted to another apartment on the 15^th storey. The present one is on the seventh.

Staying together made everything easier thou. We have started preparing for the wedding although there is nothing concrete yet. We are still looking at places for the reception, photos and all. I never knew planning for a wedding was that tough, but Haneul is just smiling through it all, as usual. I am starting to wonder if she has some secret stress management tool that she did not teach me.

“I’m so tired~” I threw myself onto the sofa.

“Then sleep. You’ve been working for the whole day.” She said, flipping through the magazine.

“But you’ve been working on this for the whole day too, and you even have time to write your articles. Are you human?” I asked, leaning on her shoulder, looking at what she is looking at.

“I’m just looking through magazines, is it very tough? It’s not even the tough part yet haha~ You worked for the whole day. Dance practice, variety shows, lyrics writing, more lyrics writing. Tsk tsk~” She tap the tip of my nose with the magazine.

“It’s my job.” I smiled, kissing her chin.

“Have my baby been well today?” I caressed her bump.

It is not obvious yet, but I can feel it.

“Coming back to you and our baby every night, it’s my motivation. I cannot wait to settle down with Tae Hyun and Ji Eun. We’re going to be a happy family, right?” I asked her.

“I guess we are.” She smiled.

“Let me handle the wedding okay? You gotta rest as much as you can!” I scooped her up in my arms, carrying her into the room.

She circled her arms around my neck, resting her head on my shoulder.

“We’ll handle the wedding together. Besides, we have three months.” She said.

“Three months is a short period of time, you procastinator!” I said.

“Sorry! It’s just the way I work! I work under pressure!” She pouted.

“No pressure for you! Only rest!” I put her gently on the bed.

“But the one who should be sleeping is you, not me. I’m just at home, or at my parents’. I can sleep all day. But you… workaholic. Do you know that while others sleep talk, you sleep rap?” She said.

“I do?” I looked at her.

“I’ll record it if it happens again.” She smiled.

“Please do! Then I can use it as my ringtone or inspiration!” I said.

“Who uses their own voice as their ringtone?!” She looked at me.

“Why? Are you judging me?” I asked.

She nodded.

“WHAT!?” I pinned her onto the bed, climbing on top of her.

She looked at me with a pout.

“Not falling for that!” I said, but deep down I’ve melted completely.

“Bwig buoowy~” She pouted as she baby talk.

“What?” I asked, trying to hide my laughter.

“Big fat buoowy!” She pouted, pinching my cheeks.

“AGHHHHHH!!!!” I whined.

I fell next to her, rubbing my sore cheeks.

“Hmph!” I pouted at her.

She rested her chin on my chest, looking at me.

“Does it hurt?” She asked, caressing my cheeks lightly.

“Do you want to try?” I asked.

“NOPE!” She flipped over, covering the blanket over her head.

“Lionny~” I called out, pulling the blanket down a little to reveal at least her eyes.

“Hmm?” She looked at me, the blanket covering half her face.

“Nothing. I love you.” I smiled, turning to kiss her on her cheek.

“Love you too. Come on, sleep already.” She said, turning off the lights.

I snuggled closer to her, holding her arm as I slept.

***

I woke up when I heard something like a knock on the door. I sat up but the sound stopped. I turn over to find Haneul still in dreamland. She may not wake up even if there is a fire. Sometimes I wonder if it is a good or bad thing she is such a heavy sleeper.

I rubbed my face as I lied back down. I must have been dreaming. I closed my eyes. Just as I was drifting off into sleep, I heard the knock again, louder and more anxious this time.

“What’s that?” Haneul asked in a slur, struggling to open her eyes.

“Shhh, just go back to sleep. I’ll check it out.” I said, trying to hush her back into sleep.

She shook her head, turning on the table lamp. She buried her face in my chest when the lights blinded her eyes. We jumped when we heard the knock again. I turned to look at the clock. 3.13AM.

“Who could it be?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” She mumbled.

“I’ll go check.” I said, getting out of bed.

“Don’t! What if it’s some robber?” She said.

“Lionny, what sort of robber knocks when he wants to rob?” I laughed. Sleepy Haneul equals silly Haneul.

“But it could be dangerous.” She pouted.

“It’ll be fine.” I smiled.

She shook her head and insisted on following me out. I the lights to the living room. Just as I was about to open the door, whatever or whoever outside knocked again. I looked at the camera to see who it is.

“Seungho hyung?” I looked at Haneul.

She turned to the camera, and then at me.

“What the hell is he doing here at 3AM?” She looked at me, surprised as well.

I hurriedly opened the door.

“Seu.. Oww~” Seungho hyung must have wanted to knock the door again but because I opened in time, he ended up knocking my forehead.

“Sorry sorry!” He said, rubbing my forehead.

“It’s alright. I’m fine.” I said, massaging my forehead lightly.

“Am I disturbing the both of you?” He asked, looking slightly pitiful.

“No, we were just having a party.” Haneul said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry.” Seungho hyung said softly.

I frowned at Haneul. She too was taken aback by Seungho hyung’s reaction.

“I’m sorry, Seungho. I didn’t mean it. I mean, it is 3AM. What did you think we were doing?” Haneul said hurriedly.

“You’re right. I should go then. Sorry. Go back to sleep.” Seungho hyung said, turning around.

“Eh eh! Don’t go. I’m sure there is something you need that’s why you’re here at 3AM. Don’t go without saying. We’re up already.” I said, pulling him back.

“Come in. Don’t stand outside.” Haneul said, gesturing Seungho hyung to come in.

Seungho hyung looked reluctant but I just dragged him in.

“Want a drink?” Haneul asked him.

Seungho hyung shook his head. Haneul and I exchanged glances.

“Hungry? We have food. Chips, ice cream, Hello Seungho~” Haneul tried.

Seungho hyung smiled slightly upon hearing ‘Hello Seungho’, but he refused it as well. When Seungho hyung refuses food, it is serious.

“Is something wrong, hyung?” I asked.

He smiled, biting his lower lip.

“Hyung?” I called out again.

He let out an audible sign. He buried his face into his palms. Haneul and I stared at each other, unsure as to what to do.

“Hyung…” I shook his shoulder lightly.

“Hyung, don’t cry.” I said.

He looked up suddenly with a straight face.

“Who says I’m crying?” He said.

“Oh… I thought…” I mumbled.

“But will crying help!?” He suddenly threw himself onto me, bawling his eyes out.

Haneul was in a state of shock, so was I. Usually I was the one crying and he was the one comforting. Seungho hyung is always the strong one, be it in MBLAQ or MBLEAST.

‘I’ll leave you two.’ Haneul mouthed when she came back to her senses.

“Hyung~~~” I his back, trying to calm him down.

“Junhyung, why is it that this world is filled with so much mean people? Why is it that people have to pick on each other? We are of different races, nationalities and religions, but when you take all that away, we are just human, aren’t we? We’re supposed to be the same, no!?” He asked, still crying.

“Hyung…” This was all I could say. I couldn’t think of any answer for him, because I’m wondering about the same thing too.

“I’m just human…” He said softly, pulling away from me, leaning back onto the couch.

I pulled a handful of tissue, handing it to him. I sat quietly at the side, watching him sob softly. I rubbed his arm lightly, offering him a smile when he looked up at me with those red, puffy eyes.

“Feeling better?” I asked.

“This is so embarrassing.” He said, sniffing.

“It’s not, hyung! It’s not embarrassing at all!” I laughed, getting up to head to the kitchen.

“Drink this.” I said, handing him a bottle of water.

“I should get going.” He said, drinking the water.

“Let’s go somewhere then.” I said.

“It’s close to 4AM.” He said.

“That’s early.” I smiled.

“Wait huh!” I said, running into the room.

Haneul was still awake, poking on her phone.

“Lionny~” I called out, crawling onto the bed.

“How is he? Is he okay? Why did he cry suddenly? Did something bad happen?” She asked anxiously.

“I think he has calmed down now. He just need to let it out by crying. No worries.” I smiled, pushing her hair out of her face.

“Oh. I guess behind every strong guy is a fragile boy. Like you~” She smiled.

“I’m a strong baby!” I pouted.

“Yea, yea. Very strong.” She pinched my nose lightly.

“I want to take Seungho hyung out.” I said.

“NOW!?” Her eyes widened.

“I don’t feel good letting him go home like that. In the past when I was down, no matter what time it is, no matter how tired he is, he’ll make sure I am better. Seungho hyung is very impor… mphffff!!” She covered my mouth, not letting me continue.

“I get it. I understand. Go. But drive safely.” She smiled.

“Thanks, Lionny. Don’t wait up. Sleep.” I said, tucking her into bed.

“Don’t drive if you’re sleepy! Sleep in MBLAQ’s dorm or something.” She said.

“I’ll be fine. Sleep tight.” I smiled, kissing her forehead.

“You too!” I said, kissing her baby bump.

I grabbed my stuff and turned out the lights before heading out. Seungho hyung was staring into space.

“Hyung?” I called out, tapping his shoulder lightly.

He turned to look at me. He looked even more tired under the dim lights, which was heartbreaking to see.

“Let’s go.” I smiled.

“Where?” He asked, voice slightly hoarse.

“You know where.” I smiled, tugging his arm.

The ride to the beach was a quiet one. He had the window on his side winded down, letting the breeze slap him in his face. When we arrived at the beach, he kicked off his shoes and ran near the water.

“ YOU, YOU, YOU, AND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!” He shouted.

“WHO DO YOU THINK I AM!? NO! SCRATCH THAT! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!? WHATEVER I AM DOING, WHAT IS IT THE BUSINESS OF YOURS!? I AM A CELEBRITY, NOT YOUR DOG!! EVEN YOUR DOG HAS MORE FREEDOM THAN I DO!!! YOU!!!!!!” He screamed.

I sat on the sand, watching him.

“I AM ALSO HUMAN!!!!!!!! TREAT ME LIKE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He yelled, collapsing onto the sand.

“Treat me like a human!! Please!!!!” He punched the sand.

“If you have any mean stuff to say, say it into my face if you have the guts!!! Do not hide behind the stupid screen!!! Come to me!! Say it into my face!! And perhaps I would accept it better!! Why hide!? Why hurt someone and hide!? If you have the cheek to hurt someone, then have the guts to stand out!! What are you doing hiding behind the screen!? WHAT!?” He yelled.

He continued cursing and screaming until he got tired. He sat on the sand, staring out at the night sea. I walked over to sit beside him.

“Better eh?” I smiled.

He nodded, chuckling slightly.

“You’re covered in sand.” I laughed.

“I know!” He giggled.

“Hyung, I don’t know why people say mean things, but I know one thing for sure.” I said.

“What?” He looked at me, hugging his knees.

“In this life, we’re going to get hurt a lot of times by either minor or major things. But we can choose to dwell on it and let it affect us or smile and prove those people wrong. It is not easy, of course. But as long as we know what we do is right, I think it’s enough already. Honestly, some people say things for the sake of saying it only. They just like to see others get hurt. Maybe it is the sick part of human nature, causing others to fall and crumble and then feeling so happy over it, as thou it is some sort of achievement.” I said.

He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Really! I seriously think that some people out there have ‘watching others fall and crumble because of me’ as their lifelong mission or motto or whatever. It is just sick! But such people are necessary or else heaven would be too crowded.” I said.

He laughed, ruffling my hair.

“What a thing to say!” He said.

“But I get your point. I’m just.. well.. Tired, I guess? It’s like… Why do I have to endure all these? If I’m not a celebrity, I would have go out and punched those people in their face.” He said.

“if you are not a celebrity, none of these would have happened, hyung.” I said.

“That’s true.” He mumbled.

“But it is your passion, right? You’re not going to give up because of this, right?” I asked.

“Of course not.” He said.

“We cannot control what others say, but we can control ourselves. We have done our best, we did nothing to let ourselves down, and that is enough. I know that as celebrities we have to be ‘role models’ or what for the people, but really, who is going to be our role model in this ed up world? No one.” I said.

“But that doesn’t mean we should give up or let ourselves become evil or something like that. The more we do not have other people’s help, the stronger we have to be. Being strong doesn’t mean bottling up. It’s okay to vent, really.” I said.

He nodded.

“I really don’t understand how is it that other people’s affairs can affect some people so greatly that they hate so much. I mean, it’s like… come on, it’s none of your business. But then again, for some strange reasons, some people are just like that.” I said.

“I don’t understand too.” He said.

“Understanding that is like understanding why the Earth is round and not heart-shaped or something.” I said.

“HAHAHAHA! If only the world is heart-shaped!” He smacked my arm.

“Then all those people who has this strange hating problem can be pushed to that concave place of the heart. Force them all into that pit of Earth.” I said.

“That’s evil!” He laughed.

We continued talking about other stuff and just enjoying the sea breeze.

“Hyung, just know that whatever happens, don’t let those people get on you. Haters will always hate. It’s their lifelong mission, remember? Even if it’s 4AM, as long as you come to me, I’ll be here for you.” I said.

“Thanks.” He punched my arm lightly.

“I rather you wake me up than cry on your own.” I said.

“I get it.” He smiled.

We waited for the sun to rise before heading back. Seungho hyung fell asleep in the car while on the way back. I drove slowly partly because I was sleepy myself, but mostly because I wanted him to have some sleep.

When I arrived at his dorm, he was still asleep. I parked the car at the side and closed my eyes to rest while waiting for him to wake up.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” He said, waking up after awhile.

“You were sleeping soundly.” I smiled.

“Want to come up to sleep? You look like a dead man.” He said.

“It’s alright. I’ll just head back and cuddle with Haneul and my baby.” I said.

He gave me a disgusted look.

“What?!” I laughed.

“Nothing, nothing. Thanks for everything, Jun.” He said.

“It’s nothing compared to what you did for me, hyung.” I said.

“It means a lot.” He smiled.

“Oh wait! I have something for you.” I said. I turned to the backseat to retrieve a paper bag, handing it to him.

“What’s this?” He asked, looking into the bag.

“Hyacinth?” He asked, looking at me.

I nodded.

“Where did you get this from?” He asked.

“I stole it from the shop across.” I said.

“What!?” He yelled.

“I bought it when you were snoring like a pig!” I said.

“Why the sudden flower giving? Junhyung, you’re getting married to Haneul already. Please don’t tell me you’re having doubts. I’m very straight you know.” He said.

I rolled my eyes at him.

“Alright, alright! Kidding!” He laughed.

“Hyacinth is usually associated with rebirth. There’s a long story to it but I’m not going to say it.” I said.

He looked at me, as thou waiting for me to continue.

“We’re bound to get hurt by strange people over and over again as long as we’re alive. But each time after getting hurt, may we be reborn and become stronger.” I said.

He looked at the pot of plant, and then smiled at it.

“Every time I get affected by things like this, Haneul will just tell me one thing.” I said.

“What?” He asked.

“Never let other people’s opinion become your reality.” I said.

He thought for awhile, then broke into a smile.

“Is this what love does to you?” He asked.

“What?” He asked.

“You’ve become… so… I don’t know how to put it.” He said.

“Sweet? Cute?” I asked.

“No!” He laughed.

“Then?” I looked at him.

“You’ve become a different person, in a good way.” He smiled.

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Thank you.” He said, raising the pot of plant slightly.

“Hyacinth doesn’t die easily. It will grow again even if it dries or something. Don’t kill it.” I said.

“I’ll try.” He said.

“Maybe I should have bought you a plastic plant instead.” I mumbled.

“YAH!!!” He yelled.

“Alright! Bye, hyung!” I waved.

“And remember my words! I mean, Haneul’s words!” I said.

“I get it! Thank her for me! Go home and sleep!” He said, shutting the door.

He waited for me to drive off before heading back up. MBLAQ’s dorm was not far from the apartment. I got back quickly. I was so sleepy I think I would fall asleep the moment my body touch the bed. I walked into the room as softly as possible so as not to wake Haneul up. It was only 7AM, she is definitely still in dreamland.

I slid into bed gently, kissing her on her cheek. She shifted a little and opened her eyes slightly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.” I pat her chest.

“It’s okay~” She mumbled.

“How is he?” She asked with her eyes closed.

“Better, I guess. But you know, even if the wound heals, it’ll always leave a scar, and scars are ugly.” I said.

“You’re wrong.” She mumbled.

“Wrong?” I asked.

“The scars… that you all sustained… are an indication of the hard work and sufferings. Each scar tells a story, a meaningful and important story… Each scar is an indication of how strong you all are… and how far you all are willing to go… for your passion, for your dream. Each scar is a reminder to those who hurt you all… that you all are strong and you all would not fall no matter how… much they try to push you.” She said.

She paused to yawn. She slapped me on my arm weakly when I laughed.

“Each scar is a proof of what… you all have fought for in life. Each scar played a part in… shaping the person you all are today. So how are the… scars ugly? They are very, very beautiful… and you should… appreciate them.” She said.

“Junroro, those scars… are very, very beautiful. Be proud of them.” She mumbled, falling back into a deep sleep.

It took me awhile to digest her words. I raised my arms to eye level, looking at the ‘scars’. Are they really, as she said, beautiful? 

***