Haneul’s POV

“WHERE ARE YOU!!!???” Junhyung screamed over the phone.

“Shut up! I’m here already.” I said.

“I SAW YOU!!!!!!!!!” He shouted.

“Shout again and I’m turning my back.” I said.

“I saw you.” He whispered.

“Idiot.” I laughed.

“Don’t come over, I’ll cross.” I said.

“Okay. I know you want to hug me soon but please, there’s a lorry coming your way.” He said.

“I can see!” I said.

“You can see, but you usually don’t make use of the gift.” He said.

“Ya that’s why I ended up with you.” I mumbled.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY!?” He yelled.

“I say you are very handsome even from far.” I said.

“I know!” He smiled so widely I could see from across the road.

“Okay cross now.” He said.

“QUICK QUICK QUICK!!!” He hurried me.

I hung up the call and he pouted at me.

“Why did you hang up!?” He whined.

“I was less than a meter away from you.” I said, smacking his arm for fun.

“You should have said goodbye!” He said.

“Okay, goodbye.” I said, turning in another direction.

“YAH!!!” He pulled my arm.

“Where are you going!?” He asked frantically.

“We said goodbye. So that means we’re parting, right?” I .

“Stop doing this to me!” He said.

“You forced me to say goodbye.” I said.

“Fine! I’m sorry, okay! Hello! Say hello!” He whined.

“Hello~” I said, pinching his cheeks.

“Sometimes I wonder, are you really that Yong Junhyung rapper? Or are you actually Yoseob or Mir?” I said, linking arms with him as he led me into the building.

“This side of me, only you’ll be able to see it. Be honored.” He smiled.

“I like the cold, badass rapper actually.” I said softly.

“Really?” He said, putting on a straight face.

I laughed at his sudden change. His straight face of course did not stay for long. He broke out into a smile.

“Thank you for coming.” He said.

“I missed the past few times. If I don’t come this time, you may throw rubbish at my door.” I said.

“Mmm~ That’s a good idea.” He smiled.

“You dare?” I grabbed his neck.

“No no. Not even if you gave me the guts of a bear.” He pretended to choke.

When we stepped out of the lift, I literally froze. It is every fan girls’ dream to be here, in their idols’ waiting room, witnessing the scene as their idols’ prepare to perform on stage. But the truth is, everything was just chaotic. People were running around, yelling and screaming. Others were talking, some were eating, and some were just making lots of noises. Is this really a place where adults work?

“What is it?” Junhyung snapped me out from my thoughts.

“Just.. Shocked.” I mumbled.

He laughed and pulled me closer to him.

“People will be running around. I don’t want them to knock into you. So stay close.” He said.

“Junhyung Oppa! Annyeong!” One of the girls greeted.

“Annyeong.” Junhyung said with a slight bow.

“Ahh Oppa! You look good today!” Another girl said.

“Hyung! Annyeong!” Some boy group bowed to Junhyung.

And this kept going on; they were exchanging greetings with each other before rushing off. I felt kind of invisible thou. I was wowed by the fact everyone looked good. And for the nth time in my life, I felt like I don’t belong here. I want to leave. I want to tell Junhyung that I want to go. But seeing the smile on his face, I cannot bear to crush it, again. My vision blurred and all I heard was pure noises.

“Darling!” He shouted.

“Ya!” I replied in shock.

“Why are you dazing?” He asked.

“I wasn’t.” I lied.

“We’re here.” He smiled.

I looked at the paper on the door. It wrote in big font: BEAST 비스트

He pushed open the door and more noise greeted me. I thought it was Beast’s waiting room. Why does it seem like everyone is here? Don’t they have their own waiting rooms?

“AHHH HYUNG!! YOU’RE HERE!!”

“WHERE DID YOU GO!?”

“Quick! Eat your dinner!”

“Make up make up!!! Who haven’t done their make up!!?”

“Oh Haneul ah! You’re here too!”

“Cheer for us okay!!”

“YONG JUNHYUNG!! EAT!!!”

“Oppa!!! You’re so handsome today!!”

“Hyung! Later when we rap, look out for me!”

“Yea Junhyung, look out for this boy. It’s his first time.”

“JUNHYUNG!!!!”

“HANEUL! Have you eaten!?”

“Oppa!!!!”

“Hyung!!!”

“ALL ARTISTS OUT IN TEN MINUTES!!!”

“QUICK!! EAT SOMETHING OH MY GOD!!!”

Noises, chattering, more noises, more chattering, how irritating.

I buried my face into my palms. I shook my head to clear my mind.

“Haneul ah! Why are you standing here!? Come and eat!” Doojoon shouted.

“Ah yes.” I said and hurried to Junhyung’s side.

“Eat.” Junhyung said, shoving food into my mouth.

I chewed whatever he gave me while watching him shoving food into his mouth.

“Eat slowly.” I said, patting his back.

“No time.” He mumbled with his mouth full.

“You’re going to choke and die.” I said.

“I wouldn’t.” He smiled.

In five minutes, his plate was cleared.

“See, I’m still alive.” He said.

“But it’s bad for your stomach.” I said.

“My stomach is used to it. Rather, our stomachs are used to eat.” He said.

“Aie, whatever.” I sighed.

“ALL ARTISTS OUT!!!!!!!” A rough, husky voice yelled.

Suddenly everyone shot up and rushed to put on their clothes and did their final touch up. It was amazing how everything happened so fast.

“Gotta go, Darling! I’ll see you in awhile!” He gave me a quick peck on my cheek.

“Don’t run. You just ate.” I said.

“I wouldn’t.” He smiled and ran off.

“I just said not to run.” I mumbled.

“FIGHTING!!!!” Suddenly everyone yelled in unison, shocking the guts out of me.

And then, they were gone.

“Finally.” I sighed, sinking into the couch.

The silence was so peaceful and calm. I let my mind wander. Was it like this every music show? Every Gayo Daejun? Every performance? How did they manage to work under such noise, such pressure? No one spoke, everyone yelled. Everything was ‘Quick! Hurry up! Faster!’

I the TV in the room and watched the broadcast. How retarded, I know. I am in the building itself, yet I am tuning in to the television. I watch the artists walk the red carpet; the guys all looked so handsome, the girls all looked so pretty. No one looks ugly, seriously. Was it even possible?

After awhile of watching, I got up and left the room. There were still people running around despite the fact I thought everyone was supposed to be at the red carpet. I found myself staring the people’s body instead of their face.

“So pretty~ Gosh, those legs..” I found myself mumbling to myself.

“Oh my god, are those waist or what?” I thought to myself.’

I was never one who hated my own body. I always thought that we should love our body because it makes us who we are. We shouldn’t be envious of other people’s body because we are all different. But standing here, looking at almost everyone with a model like body, I cannot help but feel inferior.

Why is it that those girls can run like crazy and their hair still fall back in place, whereas my hair would turn into a huge mess even if I just turned my head. Why is it that those guys have legs so slim that even my arms seem bigger? All these questions started flooding my mind.

I walked back to the waiting room, feeling as depressed as ever. This . I’m jealous, not because some girl is clinging onto Junhyung, but because everyone else here has better body than I do? What if Junhyung is mentally comparing them and me? Would he finally see how ugly I actually am and decide it was a mistake he actually worked so hard to get me?

“Why are you thinking of this? Haneul, are you mad!?” I mumbled to myself, slapping my cheeks.

Junhyung’s POV

Despite being seated at the concert hall, I cannot help but think about Haneul. Was she okay alone? Did she eat? Is she bored? When it was my turn to go get ready, I hurriedly left. I ran back to the waiting room to find Haneul staring at the screen, her food still untouched.

“Darling.” I called her.

“Oh~ Hi.” She smiled.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I’m good.” She smiled.

“So handsome.” I heard her mumbled as she adjusted my tie.

“Is something wrong?” I asked her.

“No. What would be wrong? Well maybe except everyone here looks so good that it’s surprising.” She said.

“You’re very beautiful too.” I said, hugging her.

She buried her face into my chest. I could feel her shaking her head.

“Yes you are.” I said.

“Why didn’t you eat?” I asked her.

“Not hungry.” She said.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

Haneul? Not hungry? That’s strange.

“Hyung! We have to go! Oh hi, Haneul Noona!” Mir said.

“Do well.” She said, kissing my cheek.

“What? Are you going to sit here to watch?” I asked.

“Where else can I go?” She asked.

“Of course you’re going to watch me live!” I said, pulling her along.

I led her to the side of the stage.

“Fighting!” She said.

“Watch me.” I said before running up onto stage to perform the rap collab.

I stole glances at Haneul throughout the rap. I couldn’t see well because it was dark and some of the lights were just too strong. I was kind of worried for her thou. I know there was something wrong, but she just isn’t saying. I did weird gestures and actions in hope to make her laugh, but her smiles seemed force. What is wrong?

“How was it?” I asked her.

“Awesome!” She smiled as she wiped the sweat off my forehead.

“Junhyungie, who is this pretty girl?” One of my Hyung asked.

“Hyung~ She is…” Before I could finish my sentence, Haneul cut me off.

“Friend.” She said.

I looked at her. Why did she introduce herself as just my friend? Mir looked at me, as thou asking me what was wrong. I shrug my shoulders. I didn’t even know what was going on.

“Ahh how lucky. What a pretty friend.” He said.

I smiled awkwardly while Haneul pretended to be normal. I felt hurt thou. Why didn’t she let me introduce her? I was all ready to tell the whole world who she was, and yet, she just called me her ‘friend’?

“Why did you do that?” I asked her when we were walking alone.

“Do what?” She asked.

“Friend.” I mumbled.

She shrugged her shoulders.

“Aren’t relationships forbidden in this industry?” She said, as a matter of fact.

“No.” I said.

“Then~ Sorry.” She mumbled.

I didn’t say further. As we walked, we were both silent. She kept looking at other people, not their faces, but their bodies, especially girls. For once, I saw something I’ve never seen in her. I saw ‘envious’ in her eyes. But why?

“Look at those legs.” She whispered.

“What legs?” I asked.

She gestured me to look at one of the female group who was walking in front of us.

“I think you’re the only girlfriend in this world who would ask her boyfriend to look at other girls’ legs.” I said.

“So slim.” She mumbled, obviously not paying attention to what I just said.

“I like yours better.” I said.

“Don’t lie.” She said.

“Why would I lie? I have always been very honest with you, with our relationship. Who’s the one that keeps lying?” I said out of frustration.

She stopped and turned to me.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it.” I said.

“Don’t you have to go prepare?” She asked.

“I have to.” I said.

“Then go. Do well.” She smiled.

“Aren’t you coming?” I asked.

“I will.” She said.

“Same place yea? Do you know your way?” I asked.

She nodded.

“I love you.” I said.

She smiled and patted my cheek.

It was Beast’s turn to perform. I turned to the side of the stage and our eyes met. She showed me a ‘fighting’ sign. I stuck out my tongue at her. We continued playing like this until the PD shouted for us to focus. I stuck out my tongue at her one last time before looking in front. When we were done performing, I turned back to her with a smile, but she wasn’t there anymore.

“Hyung! Water.” Dongwoon said, handing me a bottle of water.

“Thanks.” I mumbled, pouring the water down my throat.

“Looking for someone?” Doojoon asked.

“Yea. Where’s Haneul?” I asked, looking around.

“Maybe she went to the toilet.” He said.

“Look for her if you’re worried. We’re free now.” He continued.

I nodded and ran off. I searched for her everywhere, but she was nowhere to be seen. Why is this girl always so good at hiding herself?

“I think I'm uglyAnd nobody wants to love me Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty Don't lie to my face tellin' me I'm pretty~” I heard a familiar voice sing.

I followed the voice and ended up at the stairs. I saw the figure I was searching like a mad man for.

“I think I'm ugly And nobody wants to love me Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty Don't lie to my face cuz I know I'm ugly~” She continued singing as she played with her phone.

“Who say?” I shouted.

She got a shock and literally jumped up.

“You scared me!” She whined.

I sat down beside her and stared at her.

“Tell me, who said that you’re ugly? Who said that nobody loves you? Who!?” I demanded.

“No one! Why are you yelling?” She frowned.

“Because it angers me the fact you’re feeling like this!” I said.

“But it’s the truth.” She mumbled.

“It’s not! You’re beautiful, okay?” I said.

“You’re saying it just because I am your girlfriend. It’s like in the boyfriend’s guide book to praise his girl.” She said.

“It’s sincere, damn it.” I said.

She looked at me.

I pulled her closer to me and kissed her hair.

“Why are you feeling like this? You are never one to be envious of others. At least, not like that.” I said.

“How do you know? I am a girl too. I get jealous too. Looking at everyone with such fantastic bodies and pretty faces~” She said softly.

“Silly or what? Fantastic or not, pretty or not. I don’t really care thou. You’re all I care about.” I said.

“One day you’ll just be tired of me.” She said.

“Don’t put words in my mouth.” I said.

“Surrounded by so many pretty girls, it’ll just be a matter of time you see that I’m not that great and worth your time after all.” She said.

“Wow.. That’s hurting. You actually see me as like this?” I said.

“It’s the truth, isn’t it?” She said.

“I clearly remembered no one forced me into loving you. I did it all on my own accord.” I said.

“So?” She looked away.

“So? So you’re definitely worth my time, Silly.” I cupped her face, making her look at me.

She pushed me away and stood up.

“You’re not going to stop feeling like this, aren’t you?” I said.

“Well, maybe if I have such a body and such a face, I would.” She said.

“I rather you got jealous at the fact some girl kept clinging onto me.” I said.

She rolled her eyes and walked out. I caught her hand and dragged her along.

“What are you doing?! Let me go!” She hissed.

“I’m going to crush your thoughts on wanting such a body.” I said.

“People are looking!” She smacked my arm.

“I don’t care.” I tighten my grip on her wrist.

“Look!” I pushed her forward.

We were looking through the glass panel of a girl group’s waiting room.

“So pretty.” She said.

“Not that!” I raised my voice.

“Then what?” She said in frustration.

“Look at their faces, look at the food on their table.” I said.

“Pretty.” She said.

“Damn it, Haneul! Look behind the prettiness!” I said.

“Such nice body~” She said.

“Gosh. You’re giving me a headache. Look! Look at them. They yearn to eat, but they can’t. Why?!” I shouted.

“Because they want a good body?” She said.

“Exactly.” I said.

“Sacrifices have to be made. You gain some and you lose some.” She said.

“But do they look happy to you? Do you want to be staring at food and not being able to eat them? Do you know how envious they will be if they saw you eating? Do you know how much freedom you actually have whereas they don’t? Or rather, we don’t?” I said.

She looked at me blankly.

“I know I cannot change your thinking just by showing you a few scenes like this. It’s like trying to change a child’s habit of food picking by showing them starving children in Africa. It’s not going to work, I know. But you were never like this. I guess it’s my mistake to bring you here. I’m sorry I caused you to feel so inferior.” I said.

She shook her head.

“It’s not.” She said.

“I just want you to know, everyone is different. We lead different lives and we should not be envious of others. Of course, there are times where things like this happen. I admit, I am jealous too, at times. Like when I saw your friend, Jace or what. I felt inferior too. He is so handsome, yet, I am just, me. But we all have to get over it and leave on. We cannot live our life wanting to be someone else, because we aren’t. Ugly or pretty, fat or slim, you’re still you.” I said.

She pouted and looked down.

“And what is most important is I love you, not them. Isn’t that enough? Don’t say I’ll change soon. Don’t say I’ll get tired of you soon. Don’t say such things, please. It’s painful, you know. I love you so much. Don’t doubt me.” I said.

“Sorry.” I heard her mumble.

“I love every single part of your body, be it whether there are more fats or less fats. Come on, we all have fats. And your face, you’re so beautiful. Can’t you see? Don’t you own a mirror at home? Should I buy you one?” I said.

She smiled slightly.

“There, you look so much prettier with that smile.” I said, cupping her cheeks.

“Sorry.” She apologized.

“Say sorry to yourself for hating yourself.” I said.

“Sorry.” She said again.

“Now, are you hungry?” I asked, rubbing her tummy.

She nodded.

“I knew it.” I said.

She smacked my arm.

“Ouch! If my arm breaks, I can’t use my hand to take my wallet and then I can’t pay for your food.” I said.

“It’s okay, I’ll pay it on my own.” She said, waving a wallet in her hand.

I touched my back pocket and realize it was empty. When did she take my wallet? How come I didn’t know?!

“What are you!? A pickpocket!?” I said in surprise.

“No. I just have fast reflexes.” She stuck out her tongue.

“Whatever. My wallet is yours anyway.” I said, putting my arm over her shoulder.

“So what do you want to eat?” I asked.

“Anything you can afford.” She said.

“Let’s go.” I said.

I know there is still a small part inside her that is feeling inferior. As she said, she’s a girl too. She is bound to be jealous at some point of time. Even I envy other guys’ bodies at times. I don’t blame her for having such thinking. But then again I start to wonder, how can I actually prove to her that she’s really beautiful?

“Aren’t you eating?” She asked.

“I like watching you eat.” I said.

“I’m not some animal.” She scoffed.

“Of course not. You’re too beautiful to be an animal.” I pinched her cheeks lightly.

She smiled slightly and shook her head.

“Just eat.” She said.

I continue to watch her stuff her face with food. Very cute, indeed.

I sipped onto my Coke while she ate. She suddenly snatched it from me and replaced my cup with her water.

"What?" I asked, watching my Coke move away.

"No Coke." She smirked.

"Please!" I whined.

"No! Water only." She smirked.

"No no no! Please!" I tried to reach for it but she smacked my hand away.

I watch in horror as she gulped down the whole cup of Coke.

"Nice!" She smiled.

"Cokeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~" I whined.

"Waterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~" She imitated me.

How could she do this to me!?