Haneul’s POV

“We searched the whole hospital twice, but he’s not here.” The head nurse said.

“He wouldn’t be here.” I said.

“Huh?” She looked at me.

“If he wanted to leave, he wouldn’t be here. See, he changed out. What would someone be doing in the hospital still after he has changed out?” I said.

She looked at me apologetically.

“When was the last time you saw him and when did you realize he is gone?” I asked.

“We checked on his temperature at about 3.30AM, and then this morning at 7.30AM, we came to do our routine rounds, and found him missing. We called you immediately." She said, looking worried.

I looked at my watch. It is close to 9AM now.

“What was his temperature when you checked him?” I asked.

“38.5°C.” She said.

“Fever.” I mumbled.

“Okay, thanks. Please continue to search around. I’ll go out to look for him.” I said as I ran out.

I called Doojoon as I drove to tell him about it. He cursed like never before, and then he softened and assured me he’ll find him.

I drove around hospital area, still trying to reach him on his cellphone. I stopped when I found myself just driving aimlessly around the area. I have been driving in circles for hours, but I had no progress at all. I even went to the bookstore to try my luck despite knowing that he would not be there because he did not want me to find him.

“Where could he be?” I thought of all the possibilities.

His home. The one he grew up in.

“You found him!?” Doojoon shouted.

“No, I am sorry.” I said.

“Don’t be. Why not we meet up and eat something? I’m sure you have not eaten.” He said.

“No, it’s fine. I’m not hungry. You guys should take a break actually. Anyway, do you have the address to Junhyung’s home?” I asked.

“Junhyung’s home?” He asked.

“Yea, the one he grew up in.” I said.

“Oh that mansion. I do. Why? Do you think he’ll be there?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I am just trying my luck.” I said.

“I’ll text it to you.” He said.

“Okay, thanks.” I sighed.

“Haneul,” He called out.

“Hmm?” I mumbled.

“He’ll be fine, okay? He’ll be safe.” He assured me.

“That’s all I ask for.” I said.

“Eat something. You cannot afford to collapse on the street.” He said.

“Yea, you too.” I ended the call.

I waited for him to text me the address before heading over. It was a long drive to his home, but it had a calming effect maybe because there were not much cars around. The surroundings kind of calmed me.

When I arrived at his home, it was obviously empty. I pressed on the doorbell like crazy, but no one answered it.

“Are you looking for someone?” A voice from behind said.

I turned around and saw a middle age woman looking at me.

“Ah yea. I’m looking for the owner of this house. Do you happen to know where are they?” I asked.

“I am their neighbor. The Yong family right? The parents aren’t in Seoul. The elder son is, and the younger one is in the States or something. Actually their mother came back awhile ago, but left already. Maybe you can try going to Seoul to look for their son? He’s a famous celebrity now. Yong Junhyung, you should know him, don’t you? You look like girls of that age.” She smiled.

“Ahh yes. Beast, right?” I said.

“Ahh yes yes. Beast. So talented, that group of boys. Lucky parents, unlike me. Hahaha~ Junhyung is a good boy.” She smiled.

“So, you’re positive that no one came back like this morning or something like that?” I asked.

“I’m sure. Whenever I go out, I’ll take a look to see if there is anyone suspicious or what. You know like some naughty kids may try to break in for fun.” She said.

“Oh yea. Alright, thank you very much.” I bowed to her before leaving.

I walked around the area, popping into every single shop just to see if he would be inside. I bought myself a bottle of water before heading back to the car. It was 3.30PM. If he is still running a fever, would he be okay still? Has he eaten or drank anything? I was more worried about his condition than angry at him for running away.

“Where are you, Junroro?” I mumbled as I drove out of the place.

I tried to think hard about the possible places he would go to. I thought of the ski resort and also the beach. I don’t think he would be in the ski resort because it was really far out, but maybe the beach, so I headed for it, and failed. He wasn’t there. The more I searched, the more I failed, and I got more scared as the time passed. It was 7PM already.

I was starting to get angry with myself. If only I never left, if only I stayed with him, he would not have disappeared. Maybe he got lonely at night, maybe he got scared at night, but I wasn’t there with him. I said I would be with him, but I left him alone. It’s entirely my fault.

“Where are you?” I cried, resting my forehead against the steering wheel.

I kept calling him, but he never answered.

Junhyung’s POV

I did not want to stay in the hospital any longer. Staying there was like an emphasis to me that I am going to die soon. It was an irresponsible move, but I left anyway. I wanted to spend some time alone.

I know Haneul and the rest must be worried and looking all over for me by now. I watch my phone vibrate endlessly with their phone calls, but I answered none of them. I am so sorry, but I just wanted to be alone.

I am here across the Banpo Bridge, along the Han River. I have been here for the whole day. I walked around this whole area for the first time. It was really huge, I never knew. Why? Because I never had the patience to finish walking.

Here, I took Tae Hyun the other time when he got bullied. Here, I told him my story. Here, I told him to be strong. Come to think of it, how contradicting. If Tae Hyun sees the pathetic image of me now, he’ll never call me Appa again. Who would want such an appa who contradicts himself?

Then again, my entire life is a big joke, no? I feel so stupid. I got fooled so many times, yet I still believe that things will be okay just because of that little hope. So dumb, so dumb. Yong Junhyung, so dumb.

But why? Why of all people, me? Why do I have to be different? Why make me different, and then let me get accepted? Why make me hopeful, and then throw something like this at me?

Ji Eun is just starting to open up to me. But now, I don’t even have the guts to give her a kiss. What if I get her infected as well? What if I pass some horrible virus to her? What if she falls sick because of me?

Tae Hyun, I can’t even look at him in the eye and assure him I would be well and play with him soon. I promised him I would teach him so much stuff. And now, I am going to have to break my promise to him. He would never trust me again.

Haneul, my baby girl. She is so accepting to the point I feel that I am not worth her at all. She accepted the fact I am different, and she even took care of me. She accepted me even after I broke her heart. And now, even with this damned virus in me, she never left. Is she even human? Or is she simply dumb?

I watch the rainbow fountain at the Banpo Bridge. This was actually my purpose here. I have always heard people saying how beautiful it is, and as a Korean, I have actually never saw it before. Not that I did not want to, but I never had the time. Okay, that is an excuse. I just never found it interesting. Why would I travel so far to see some coloured water spray out from the top of bridge? I might as well bathe with watercolours daily, isn’t it more exciting that way?

And then now, on the verge of dying, I am actually here. At least I wouldn’t die a clueless Korean now. I’ve seen the moonlight rainbow fountain. And yes, it is indeed beautiful. It is so beautiful to the point I feel mocked. It is like emphasizing to me how horrible my life is. Don’t get me wrong, it is not the people in my life that are horrible, it is my life itself, and me, perhaps.

Why do I have to be blessed with so much nice people in my life yet I can’t do anything to repay them at all? Why torture me with such guilt? For once, I rather be a loner. At least like this, no one would be affected even if I died.

‘Please answer my call! Junroro, please!’ I read the text message from Haneul. It was the number… I don’t know. I lost count.

I looked at the time. It was 11.11PM. They said that you can make a wish at 11.11 and it’ll come true. Really? Does it work? Then, I wish I would be erased from their lives. Like this, even if I died, no one would have to be sulking.

“Hello.” I said as I answered Haneul’s call.

“Oh my god oh my god! Are you okay!? No. Where are you!? Tell me, where are you! I’ll come now!” Haneul yelled across the line. She sounded very tired.

“Han River.” I said.

“Han River!? Which…” And then the line got cut off.

“Hello? Hello?” I looked at my phone. The screen was black. Great, my battery died.

Haneul’s POV

“!” I cursed as I threw my phone against the windscreen.

I pathetically pick it back up to text Doojoon and the rest where he was.

Han River. He is really having fun with this hide and seek game, isn’t he? Does he actually know how ing big the Han River is? Which damn part is he at!?

The night traffic in Seoul is terrible. But I couldn’t be running on my feet like in the dramas. One, I don’t have the stamina for that. Two, I would lose my way without the GPS. Three, I am not filming a drama.

I went to whichever riverside park the GPS took me and ran around the place like crazy. I consider shouting for him, but I thought that would just tire me out even more. I never knew I could survive more than ten hours only on water and without food, running around the whole of Seoul. Junhyung, you certainly make me realize something about myself each time you do something stupid. But one thing you make me realize over and over again is how useless I actually am.

“Found him?” Seungho asked.

“No.” I panted as I got back into my car.

“Which parts have you been to?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve been to like six parks, but he’s not there.” I said.

“Where else can I go? I really have no idea.” I said.

“The one across the Banpo Bridge. Have you tried that?” He asked.

“Banpo Bridge? What’s that?” I asked.

“You dumb girl! Search it on GPS!” He yelled.

“Alright.” I mumbled as I tapped on the GPS.

“Update us. We’ll continue to look around.” He said.

“Okay.” I ended the call and headed place.

I knew my body was starting to protest when I saw stars and felt the pain in my stomach. But I couldn’t stop now.

I got out of my car and power walked around the park. I couldn’t run anymore. I was about to give up when I saw a familiar figure sitting alone, staring out at the water.

“JUNRORO!!” I yelled. Even if it wasn’t him, I would just be embarrassed, that’s all.

He turned over, and thank God, it was really him.

Junhyung’s POV

“JUNRORO!!” I heard a voice yell.

I turned around and saw Haneul looking at me with a wide smile on her face.

I stood up as she ran over. I mentally braced myself for either her palm or fist to hit my face, but instead, her body crashed against mine, hugging me tightly.

“I’M SO SORRY! I SHOULDN’T HAVE LEFT YOU ALONE! I SHOULD HAVE STAYED WITH YOU! I AM SORRY! ARE YOU OKAY!? ARE YOU HURT!? WHY DID YOU LEAVE!?” She cried.

Why didn’t she hit me?

“I… I am… Okay..” I mumbled, pushing her away slightly so we could face each other.

She looked slightly pale and very tired.

“Do you know how worried all of us are!? How could you just leave!? I mean, how could you even think of it!?” She yelled. She slapped me on my arm, but it did not have much impact because she did not use much strength, or was it that she did not have much strength left? But either way, this is the real Haneul. The one that hits.

“Why? Junroro, why?” She cried.

“I.. I didn’t want to stay in the hospital.” I said.

“But running away like that!? You could have told me! I would have talked to the doctor to let you out!” She yelled.

“I didn’t want to burden you.” I said.

“What do you mean by burden!? DON’T YOU EVER DARE CALL YOURSELF A BURDEN!? IF YOU’RE A BURDEN, THEN OKAY, I LOVE BURDENS!!!” She screamed.

“I told you didn’t I? You can cry and throw a tantrum! I am here for you! Why did you have to run away!? Why did you have to scare me like this!? Why did you have to do this to me!?” She cried, squatting down, hugging her knees.

“Sorry.” I said, trying to hug her but she pushed me away.

“How many times do I have to lose you!? Just exactly how many times do we have to go through the same old thing!? Is whatever we have been going through not enough to prove that we actually love each other?! I actually love you!?” She yelled.

“Exactly because I know you love me that’s why I cannot let you watch me die! Do you get it!? I don’t want you to have to face life alone when I die on you!” I yelled.

“You’re not going to die!!!” She screamed.

“I AM GOING TO DIE, HANEUL! YOU KNOW THE ODDS ARE HIGH! FACE THE FACT! I AM GOING TO DIE AND YOU’RE GOING TO LOSE ME NO MATTER WHAT!!!!” I grabbed her face, screaming at her.

“I DON’T CARE EVEN IF YOU’RE GOING TO DIE TOMORROW OR LATER OR TEN YEARS DOWN THE ROAD OR THREE HUNDRED YEARS DOWN THE ROAD! I DON’T CARE! I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU NOW!!!” She screamed.

“YOU DON’T CARE BUT I CARE! I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO WATCH ME CRUMPLE AND DIE AWAY! WHY CAN’T YOU LET ME KEEP THAT LITTLE PRIDE IN ME AND LET ME JUST DISAPPEAR!? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LOOK FOR ME!? WHY!?” I yelled.

“You’re not going to die.” She kept repeating as she pouted and cried.

My heart hurt like crazy watching her like this.

“I am, Haneul. I am!” I felt so cruel for having to do this to her.

She covered her ears and shook her head.

“I don’t care!! I don’t care!!!” She screamed.

“LOOK AT ME!” I pulled her hands away, forcing her to look at me.

The rest of Beast as well as Seungho hyung ran towards us, confused at what we were doing.

“Haneul, I am hopeless already. Give up.” I said.

“NO!!! I am not giving up!!! You’re not going to die! Even if you are, then so be it! I don’t care! It’s not like I can control it anyway! What I care about is now! This instance! You’re still my Junroro and I still love you!” She said, trying to kiss me.

I pushed her away, and slapped her across her cheek, in which I instantly regretted.

“YAH! YONG JUNHYUNG!” Seungho hyung twisted my arm, glaring hard at me.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?” He shouted.

“I…” I mumbled, not knowing how to explain myself. I just slapped her. I promise never to hurt her, but I just slapped her.

“Are you okay? Huh? Haneul? Are you okay?” I heard the other boys ask her.

“She searched like crazy for you, but this is how you repay her?!” Doojoon yelled at me.

In the midst of all the yelling, Haneul suddenly stepped in.

“Yong Junhyung.” She called out, staring hard at me.

I looked at her, so did the others. My palm print was still visible on her cheek. What she said next made my and everyone else's jaws dropped. Did I slap her too hard that the impact hurt her head?

"Yong Junhyung, will you marry me?"

***
Junhyung: Why of all people, me?

Junhyung: Why? Why? Why?

Junhyung:  I wish I would be erased from their lives. Like this, even if I died, no one would have to be sulking.

Junhyung: What did I do? Did I just slap Haneul?

Yong Junhyung, will you marry me?