“Junhyung? Are you in there?” A voice called out as she entered the bookstore.

“Who is ….” Junhyung’s jaws dropped when he saw the owner of the voice.

“Hi, son.” The woman smiled.

“Ahju..mma.. Ahjusshi?” He mumbled.

He almost cried at the sight of them; Haneul’s parents.

“How have you been?” Her father asked.

He shook his head, tears spilling out from his eyes.

“Come here.” Her mother said, arms open wide.

Junhyung sank into her arms, sobbing his eyes out.

After he finally calmed down, they sat down and stared at each other.

“Oh, last week was your birthday right? This is for you.” Her mother said, pushing him a small rectangle box.

“You didn’t have to.” He mumbled, looking at the wrapped box.

“Why not?” Her mother said, patting his head lightly.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight, do you realize?” Her father said.

He nodded slightly.

“Junhyung ah, you cannot continue your life like this. Move on, son.” He said.

“What?” Junhyung looked up.

“She is…” Her mother mumbled, looking down.

“Where’s Haneul?” Junhyung asked.

“She’s gone, son.” Her father said.

Junhyung has heard this countless times since three years ago, but hearing it from her parents, it felt as thou a lorry knocked him over in the face. He sank back into the chair, spacing out, and then suddenly he smiled.

“You’re lying right? If she’s really dead, you wouldn’t come to me. You’ll hate me.” He smiled.

“We tried to hate you. But how could we when you’re suffering so much?” Her father said.

“Please… Don’t do this to me.” He begged.

“It wasn’t easy coming to terms with it, my dear boy. She was our only girl.” Her mother said, wiping away her tears.

Junhyung buried his face into his palms, trying to digest the words that seem to suffocate him.

“We never blamed you. You weren’t at fault. So stop blaming yourself and move on, alright?” Her father said, putting his hand on Junhyung shoulder.

“It’s not possible.” Junhyung mumbled.

“You’re lying.” He said.

Her parents looked at him as he cried and pulled his hair. They wanted to stop him, but they know he’ll do it again when they were gone, so might as well let him vent his anger now, at least they were there to stop him before he could hurt himself.

“I’m so sorry.” He cried.

“We’re over it, now it’s your turn to let go.” Her father said, hugging him tight.

“I can never let go of her.” He sobbed.

They never said anything else but let him cry. He needed to, they know.

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.” Her mother said, wiping the tears off Junhyung’s cheek.

Junhyung looked down, dazing at the floor, not responding at all.

“We can’t leave in peace seeing you like this, Junhyungie.” She said.

He nodded once.

“We’re leaving, alright?” She said.

He nodded, then suddenly looked up again.

“Where is she?” He asked.

“What?” Her father looked at him.

“You said she’s dead, so where is her grave?” He asked.

They were silent for awhile.

“Back home.” Her father broke the silence.

“But don’t go.” Her mother said.

“Why not?” Junhyung asked, crying again.

“Just… Don’t. Alright?” She said.

“Why can’t I!?” He yelled.

“Because if you see her, you’ll never be able to let go!” Her father shouted.

Like a child, Junhyung kept quiet immediately. He looked at them innocently, tears staining his cheeks.

“Please, move on. We all need to.” Her mother said, cupping his cheeks.

Junhyung shook his head. How could he move on?

“Stop blaming yourself alright. We love you.” Her mother pecked him on his cheek before hurrying out of the bookstore, leaving Junhyung to crumple to the floor, sobbing his eyes out.

They walked off, not looking back even once. As much as they were worried for him, they couldn’t see him fall. It was too heartbreaking to look at.

“Is this right?” Her father asked.

“It is the best for him, I guess.” Her mother said, sighing.

“How is this the best?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” Her mother said, slightly frustrated.

She loved Junhyung like her own son. She never wanted to see this side of him. It hurt her as much as it would hurt anyone who saw the scene.

***

Junhyung’s POV

I sat at the dining table, poking my breakfast. It has been a few days, but I have not told the other boys anything about what Haneul’s parents told me. I know I ought to let them know, I know I promised to not keep stuff to myself, but I don’t think I would be able to tell them anything without breaking down now.

“Junhyung, don’t eat.” Doojoon said, pulling my plate away.

I looked up at him, confused.

“Don’t eat if you don’t wish to.” He said.

I put the fork down and headed for the sofa to lie down. I heard them put their cutleries down and head towards me.

“What’s wrong?” Hyunseung asked, pushing my fringe out of my face.

“You promised us never to keep stuff, didn’t you?” Doojoon said.

His voice was so calm that it made me feel so guilty. I rather he scream at me.

I shook my head, turning away to hide my face from them.

“Please.” Kikwang pleaded.

 “What is it?” Yoseob asked, forcing me to face them.

I looked at their faces. As I said, although they were the ones who asked me to let go, they themselves were still holding onto a small glimpse of hope. I felt like a sinner for having to wipe that last hope away from them.

“Her parents… Came to the bookstore that day.” I said, biting my tongue.

They looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

“And they told me… she’s really…” I couldn’t say the word.

It was as thou the moment I said it, it is confirmed.

They looked down, already knowing what I had to say. For the next half an hour, no one said anything. We just sat down at whichever corner that made us comfortable and spaced out.

‘She’s gone.’; it is a simple phrase, but no one is willing to say it. Maybe everyone is just like me, no one could accept it.

For once, I think I would be extremely happy if someone told me they lied. For once, I rather them lie than tell me the truth. For once, I wished that everything was a lie.