Junhyung’s POV

We stayed a few more days in Japan. She went to work while I walked around, and then at night, we meet up and spend time together. Throughout that few days, no one mentioned about Tae Hyun, Ji Eun or their mother. It was as if nothing happened, but when we kiss each other good night at night and turn off the lights, we know that none of us could sleep.

“Why are you buying so much Hello Panda? You like it so much?” Haneul asked as I put in the trolley one carton per flavor.

“It’s for Seungho. He wants these Hello Seungho.” I said, reaching for the chocolate flavor one.

“Hello Seungho?” She asked.

I look at her, nodding. She burst into laughter, getting my meaning.

“Let’s buy more then.” She said, putting another carton of each flavor into the trolley.

“For the kids.” She mumbled, smiling slightly at me before walking off.

“You mean for Tae Hyun and Ji Eun?” I whispered to myself.

Even looking from behind, I knew she was crying.

“Don’t cry, Junhyung. You cannot cry.” I told myself as I wiped off the drop of tear that fell.

“LIONNY I WANT THIS!!!” I yelled, running as I pushed the trolley towards her.

“What do you want again!?” She said, forcing a smile, but I could see her eyes slightly red.

“This!” I said, holding up a box of cookies.

“Alright, just buy it.” She said, throwing the cookies into the trolley.

On the plane back, we were both quiet. I stole occasional glances at her, but she never once looked back. Her eyes were glued out of the window, but I know she wasn’t looking at anything in particular. I tap her on her shoulder, but she looked at me once, and then back outside again.

***

“Pass me those.” She said, gesturing me to hand her the buying as well as the luggage.

“Why? I’ll bring them back for you.” I said.

“It’s alright. You’re tired too. Go back and rest.” She said, yanking the bags from my hand.

“See you soon.” She mumbled, walking off.

“Haneul ah~” I called out, grabbing onto her hand.

“Yea?” She looked at me.

“I… Let’s overcome this together, okay?” I said.

“There’s nothing to overcome.” She smiled, walking off.

I hurried onto a cab back to the dorm because I know if I stayed any longer, I would be crying in the public.

For the next few days, we never met or contacted each other. It was as if we had an argument, but at least if it was an argument, I would know a reason for all these happening, but now, I don’t even know what is going on. I called her and sent her text messages, but I never got any replies.

“Junhyung, are you okay?” Hyunseung asked.

“No.” I admitted.

“Did something happen in Japan? You seem so down ever since you came back.” He said.

“How do I put it…” I mumbled.

He sat in front of me, waiting for me to tell him everything. His eyes watered as I told him.

“So… Haneul… Is planning on… giving them up?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” I buried my face into my palms.

“I am confused too! I mean… I treat them like they are mine too.” I said.

“You guys need to talk.” He said.

“How?” I asked, looking away.

That night, I went to the orphanage.

“Junhyung, it’s good to see you.” Ahjumma said, smiling weakly at me.

“Hi.” I smiled back.

“Staying for dinner?” She asked.

Before I could even answer her, she answered for me, urging me to stay.

The atmosphere in the orphanage told me that they knew what was going on already.

“Are you okay?” Ahjumma asked me as I sipped on my tea.

“I am good.” I smiled.

“I know it’s hard. We’re all having a hard time, but I know it’ll be exceptionally painful for Haneul, Jace and you.” She said, patting my head lightly.

“How is Haneul?” I asked.

“Forcing a smile, just like you.” She said.

“Do they know? I mean… Tae Hyun and Ji Eun.” I asked.

Ahjumma shook her head.

“APPA!!!!!” I heard the two voices yell from behind me.

In the past, I would break into a wide smile, but now, I only feel like crying. Still, I turned over to face them with the widest smile I could ever force out.

“Hi babies~” I said, embracing them in my arms.

“I missed you.” I said, kissing them on their forehead.

“Where have you been!?” Ji Eun pouted.

“I’ve been around~” I said, carrying them to sit on my lap.

“I love you.” She said, looking into my eyes.

“What?” I asked, slightly taken aback.

“I love you.” She repeated.

I bit the inside of my mouth hard to prevent myself from bawling out in front of her, but I failed.

“Why are you cwying!?” She asked, hurriedly wiping away my tears with her small palms.

“Because I am touched. I am sorry.” I said, putting them down to wipe off my own tears.

“Stop crying, Junhyung! STOP!” I yelled inside.

“Don’t cwy! Pwease!” She tugged onto my shirt, so did Tae Hyun.

Ahjumma looked at me, and then away.

“Ahh, I am sorry.” I smiled after calming down.

“Umma always say it’s okay to cry, as long as you remember to smile after that.” She smiled, pushing the corner my lips up.

“Ji Eun, Tae Hyun, you know, no matter what happens, we love you, right?” I said, holding the both of them.

“No matter where we are, or where you are, you know that all of us love you, right?” I asked.

They nodded.

“Why are you saying the same thing as Umma?” Tae Hyun asked, pouting slightly.

I said nothing, only hugging them tight and trying very hard not to cry again.

“Appa… Can’t… Bweathe..” Ji Eun choked out.

“Sorry sorry!” I let them go.

“Where is your Umma?” I asked.

“In the room.” Tae Hyun said.

“I’ll go look for her, okay?” I asked.

They nodded, hopping off my lap.

 “Appa!” Ji Eun called out.

“Yes?” I looked at her.

“SMILE!” She grinned.

I nodded, showing her the brightest smile I could manage.

I knocked on Haneul’s room door before entering. She looked up at me, surprised. Jace was in her room too.

“Hey~” Jace smiled.

“Hi.” I mumbled.

“You guys talk yea.” He said, getting up and leaving.

“I wasn’t expecting you.” Haneul said.

“Of course.” I said softly.

“You never called, so I thought I should look for you. It’s been… almost a week since we last met.” I said.

“Yea. Sorry. I was busy.” She said.

“I understand.” I smiled.

“I was going to look for you thou.” She said.

“Really?” I felt a smile creep up on my lips.

“Yea. I have something to tell you.” She said.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I’ve decided to let Tae Hyun and Ji Eun go back to their mother. It’ll be next week.” She said.

I stared at her blankly.

“What… Did you… Just say?” I asked.

“Tae Hyun and Ji Eun will be going back to their mother next week.” She said.

“HOW COULD YOU!?” I yelled.

She looked at me, not showing any expression at all.

“How could you do this!? You don’t even plan on discussing anything with me?” I asked.

“It’s decided.” She mumbled.

“First, you kept it from me and then you disappeared. Fine. And now, you’re making decisions like I am nothing at all!?” I yelled.

I couldn’t control myself. The thought of having them taken away from me is just so painful.

“I said, it’s decided. And I told you why I am doing this in Japan.” She said.

““Why are you so selfish!? Why are you always the one making decisions!? Don’t I have any say in this decision!?” I yelled.

“Apparently, no.” She said.

“What?” I asked.

That ache in my heart, it is back again.

“No. You don’t have a say.” She mumbled.

“Why not!?” I shouted.

“We can overcome this together! Stop pushing me away! Please!” I pleaded.

“They are not yours! Don’t act like you’re their Appa just because they called you Appa! If anyone were to be their father, it would be Jace. Stop being such a busybody! Who do you think you are!? You’re just my boyfriend, and that’s about it!” She shouted.

“I beg your pardon?” I asked, despite hearing clearing what she said.