Junhyung’s POV

“Junhyung, are you okay?” Hyunseung asked.

“I’m fine, just a little headache.” I smiled.

“You don’t look too good. Are you having a fever?” He put his hand on my forehead.

“I’m okay.” I said.

“You’re a little warm. Should I get a cold towel for you?” He asked.

“We’re on the plane. It’s going to look weird. Maybe I’ll just sleep.” I said.

“Then sleep.” He adjusted my seat and covered the blanket over me.

“Don’t think. Just sleep, okay?” He said.

“Okay.” I said, closing my eyes.

But how can I not think? My whole head is filled with Haneul. I know I should listen to her explanation, but, I didn’t want to hear things I don’t want to hear. The moment I close my eyes, images of her and the guy hugging and kissing flooded my mind. My tears flowed unknowingly. I felt so hurt.

My heart is literally in pain. The last time I felt like this was many years back. I never expected myself to feel this kind of pain anymore. I thought I could handle it, but now I realize I still can’t. Everything was just happening too fast and I have unknowingly fallen too deep in love.

/FLASHBACK

“What is wrong with him, Doctor?” My mother asked.

“He is actually okay.” The doctor said, smiling at me.

“What do you mean by okay? Him bleeding like this is not okay at all.” My mom said.

“Mrs Yong, listen. Your son is okay. Just that, there is something special about his body, that’s all.” He said.

“What is it?” She asked.

“We’ve done various checks on him, but still cannot find the cause of his unusual bleeding. The only possible reason we could come up with is…” He looked at my mom and I.

“What is it?” My mom asked, sounding inpatient.

“He has a period.” He said.

“WHAT!?” My mom yelled.

“Calm down, Mrs Yong.” He said.

I looked at the doctor, then at my mom. What was going on? How could I be having a period? I am not a girl. I experienced bad stomach cramps a few days ago and then I even started bleeding. My mom got a shock so she took me here. They hospitalized me and did many checks on me. No one told me what was going on. They just told me I was going to be okay.

“How is this possible!?” My mom screamed.

“Mrs Yong, please. You’re scaring him.” The doctor said.

“This isn’t possible! Junhyung is my son! Not my daughter or what…. I…” My mom looked at me, unable to say anything.

I looked down, unable to accept it as well. I felt a wave of dizziness and then I collapsed and out.

When I woke up again, the doctor was the only one I saw.

“Umma…” I mumbled.

“You’re up? How are you feeling? Better?” The doctor asked.

I nodded.

“Look here, Junhyung. I know it’s difficult to accept and it’s just simply weird. But strange things happen all the time and this just happens to be one.” He explained.

“What is wrong with me?” I asked.

“Nothing is wrong. You’re perfectly fine. Well, I guess the only thing is that you’re born with an organ that guys don’t usually have. But that doesn’t make you any different from other guys. You are still a male. You wouldn’t get pregnant.” He smiled.

“But I menstruate. Isn’t that bad enough!?” I burst into tears.

“Calm down. Calm down. Please.” He said.

“I am a freak!” I shouted.

“You’re not.” He said.

“Where’s my Umma?” I asked.

“Erm… She….” He bit onto his lips.

“She left?” I asked.

“Rest well for now. You need it.” He said, leaving me to myself.

I felt the pain in my stomach again and I rushed to the toilet. I watch as blood dripped out from me. I felt like a freak. What kind of guy menstruates? Girls menstruate for a reason. But me!? I don’t even have a reason for it! It was just unnecessary pain and torture!

It took me long to accept myself. My family stopped talking to me altogether. I don’t know if it is because they are afraid or is it that they cannot accept me. I taught myself how to use the pad and how to cope with the pain. I felt as thou I was thrown into darkness and forced to live life by myself.

The whole menstruating thing hurt me a lot physically. Every time it came, I would ache all over and feel extremely tired to the point I couldn’t get out of bed. Sometimes, I couldn’t even eat but I would keep puking. How I wish someone would be here for me, to tell me everything is going to be okay. But no one came, not even my mother.

“I can’t even look at him. What should I do?” I overheard my Mom tell my Dad.

That day, I went home early from school because the cramps were killing me.

“Then what do you want to do?” My dad asked.

“I don’t know! It’s just unacceptable!” My mom cried.

I slammed the door loud enough for them to hear.

I sat on the bed, hugging my aching stomach. If my own family cannot accept me for who I am, then what strength do I have left to carry on? I sobbed myself to sleep. When I woke up the next day, everything I never thought would happen just happened.

“Morning. I called out as I walked out of my room.

The entire house was quiet. Eerily quiet. Breakfast was on the table. It was more like a feast than just a simple meal. Things didn’t feel quite right.

“Umma? Appa? Junsung!?” I shouted.

I saw an envelope under my bowl of rice. I poured out the contents; a letter and a card.

 'Junhyung ah,

Umma is sorry. But Junhyung, I need some time. We all do. I know this is irresponsible as your family, but I am sorry. Please live well, Junhyung ah. Umma loves you. Appa loves you. Junsung loves you. We all do. We just need some time.

We’re sorry.’

I ran into my parents’ room. Everything was gone. Their clothes, their stuff, everything. It was the same for my Junsung's. I collapsed onto the floor. I thought I was going to cry, but instead, I ended up laughing. When I needed my family the most, they left me. Of course, who could accept a freak like me? Not even my closest kin. I was only 18. 

/END OF FLASHBACK

“Junhyung.. Junhyung…” I felt someone shook me.

“Mmm?” I opened my eyes.

“Did you dream of something bad? You were struggling and crying.” Hyunseung said, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

“Just thought of the past.” I mumbled.

“Don’t think about it. Eat something.” He said.

“It’s okay. I don’t have the appetite.” I said.

“But you have to eat. You haven’t eaten since yesterday. You couldn’t even get out of the house without help today. Be good. Eat a little, please?” He said.

“I can’t. Really. I’ll puke.” I said.

“Tsk. How about drinking something? You can’t go on with an empty stomach for too long. Just look at you. So pale.” He said.

“I’m fine. I’ll drink something later.” I said.

“We still have a few more hours to go. Why not you just rest? Don’t think about anything.” He said.

I blast music in my ears and just spaced out. I wonder what is Haneul doing now. Is  she with her boyfriend? Is she angry that I hung up her call? I miss her already. Maybe it’s better this way. At least she has a normal boyfriend. I can’t be normal for her. I don’t deserve her, not even as friends.

Haneul, don’t worry. I said I wouldn’t bother you, I’ll keep my promise.