Haneul’s POV

I see you from across the street 
With cold eyes, you look at me 
And you walk to me, you walk to me 

“Oppa~ Who is that? Do you know her?” The girl asked, scoffing at me.

“Get lost.” Junhyung said to the girl.

He seemed a little drunk, but I’m not sure. He seemed stable enough at the same time. Whatever it was, I was too shocked to even bother.

“Oppa~~” The girl whined.

“Get. Lost.” Junhyung said clearly.

“Damn it!” The girl yelled, stomping off, banging me in my shoulder in the process.

Junhyung and I stared at each other for quite awhile until he broke the silence.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, pounding his forehead lightly with his fist.

“You kissed a girl behind my back and you asked me what am I doing here? I came to look for you.” I mumbled.

“And why are you looking for me?” He asked.

“Weren’t we… supposed to meet in the bookstore?” I asked.

“Haneul… I… I can’t do this anymore.” He said.

“Do what?” I asked.

“FACE YOU! I CAN’T FACE YOU ANYMORE!” He yelled into my face.

“You’re drunk. Let’s go back.” I said, grabbing his arm.

He pushed me away.

You spit out words that cannot be taken back 
With a small voice, you take all our memories 
And rip them apart, rip them apart

“STOP IT WOULD YOU!? STOP ACTING AS THOU YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I MEAN!” He screamed.

“I really don’t know.” I said, tears staining my cheeks.

“You’re drunk.” I cried.

“I am! I am! I may be drunk, but I am sober enough to know what I am saying. I need this alcohol in me to say these to you.” He said.

“Say what?” I asked.

 “I can’t face you anymore! Every day when I go into the bookstore, I pretend to be interested inour stuff, but I am not! I don’t even know if it’s true! I don’t wish to hurt you! That’s why I keep quiet! But Haneul, it’s killing me. It’s killing you too, isn’t it?” He said.

“You’re progressing well, aren’t you? You see flashes of memory and some stuff are familiar to you.” I said, biting my lower lip to prevent myself from wailing.

“I AM NOT! STOP DECEIVING YOURSELF! I CAN’T REMEMBER YOU! AND I DOUBT I EVER WOULD!” He shouted.

“Give yourself a little more time! You would be able to! We were… we were so.. blissful.” I said.

“I don’t wish to hurt you, that’s why I never said it.” He said.

“What do you want to say?” I asked.

“Has it ever cross your mind that… Maybe, perhaps, I am not interested in knowing at all?” He said.

“You what?” I asked.

“I am tired of recalling! I don’t wish to recall anymore! Why can’t we just…” He looked at me.

“We just what?” I asked.

“Don’t be selfish, Haneul ah!” He shouted.

“I am selfish?” I asked.

Your eyes covered me with the blue ocean 
And you spit me back out like white cigarette smoke 
As if I'm nothing 

“All these while, it is just you who have been wanting me to recall everything! I… I don’t know! To me, the ‘us’ that you are talking about, it’s like a blank sheet of paper! You can write anything you want on it, but at the end of the day, I am still a blank sheet of paper.” He said.

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” I asked, crying openly.

I could no longer control myself, neither do I wish to control myself.

“WHY NOW!? WHY OF ALL THE TIMES, NOW?!” I shouted.

“BECAUSE YOU NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE TO!” He yelled back.

“You were always so hopeful! You always seem to be able to pick the correct time to avoid me! I didn’t want to see you cry! But that doesn’t mean I have any feelings for you!” He shouted.

“You hate me that much?” I asked.

“Haneul, I don’t hate you.” He said.

“Then?” I asked.

“I just thought… maybe we should lead our own lives.” He said.

“So you can go around kissing any girl you desire?” I asked.

“IT’S NOT THAT! JUST! STOP BEING SO SELFISH! STOP TRYING TO CONTROL MY LIFE! I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO YOU FOR THE PAST MONTH! ISN’T IT ENOUGH!?” He screamed.

     Just like a sandcastle crumbling with the waves 
Just like our memories were never there 
You end it like that 

“Is this a break up?” I asked.

“How is it a break up when we never started?” He said.

"What?" I asked.

"How are you my girlfriend when I... I can't even remember you?" He said.

“YOU JUST FORGOT! And you said you don’t want to hurt me. But what are you doing now?” I cried.

“Stop being selfish!” He shouted.

“WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME SELFISH!? I JUST WANT YOU TO REMEMBER US! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!? IF YOU WERE ME, WOULD YOU JUST LET ME GO!?” I cried.

“It’s suffocating.” He said.

I froze. Suffocating?

“I… I am suffocating you?” I asked.

He looked away.

“I never knew.” I mumbled.

“If you hated the idea of remembering me so much, then you should have just told me earlier. It’ll hurt, but at least not as much as now.” I said.

“Haneul ah~” He called out.

 I turn around first and get further from you 
Although the tips of my hands are still toward you 
I'm getting further, I'm getting further 

“It hurts.” I said, rubbing my chest.

“But I’m sure it’ll pass.” I said.

I cupped his cheek, wiping away his tears with my thumb.

“Please…” He mumbled.

“Just let me finish talking. Just once. I promise.” I said, fighting back my tears.

“I’m sorry I suffocated you so much without even knowing. I’m so sorry for not thinking for you. I just thought, that if I tried hard enough, maybe a miracle would happen.” I said.

 “But at least we tried, didn’t we?” I said.

“Go and be happy, alright?” I said.

I took a step backwards and smiled at him.

“All these while, it’s been hard on you. I am so sorry. But, thank you.” I said.

I stood in front of him, studying his face for the last time. He is really handsome, despite crying like a baby. He must be really at the edge of things for him to blabber our stuff like this. Indeed, I am selfish.

“Haneul ah~” He called out.

“Yes?” I said.

He looked down, his teardrops staining the concrete ground.

“Junhyung ah, annyeong..” I said.

 As I hold in this pain that I cannot endure 
I try to close my eyes with the last image of you but... 

I turned around and walked straight. He called for me, but I stopped myself from turning back. If I turn back now, I would never let him go. As much as it is difficult to endure, I have to do this in order to let him go.

It hurts so much, hearing those stuff from him. The last thing I ever wanted to do to him is to suffocate him. I never thought he would have felt this way. It never occured to me that such a day would come. All along, I thought we were getting better. Who knows, everything is just a picture in disguise.

I covered my mouth to muffle my cries. The tears blurred my eyesight. I couldn’t even see where I was going. In fact, I didn’t bother. Wherever I may end up, as long as it is away from here. Images of him kissing the girl and him yelling at me keep appearing in my head.

‘Stop being selfish!’, ‘It’s suffocating!’; these two phrases kept playing in my head like a spoilt record.

“Haneul ah!” I heard him call me.

I could hear him run after me. I quicken my pace. If he caught up with me, I would definitely not be able to hold on.

Junhyung ah, didn’t you want me to let you go? Then why the hell are you coming after me now? Why are you contradicting yourself? Junhyung, please make things easier for the both of us.

“HANEUL!!!!” He screamed.

I shoved my earphones into my ears, blasting the music as loud as possible to block out his voice.

Your eyes covered me with the blue ocean 
And you spit me back out like white cigarette smoke 
As if I'm nothing 

I walked straight, not knowing where I was heading to.

Despite my loud music, I still can hear him yelling my name. Such loud voice, no doubt he is a singer.

“HANEUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He screamed.

I took off one side of my earphone. I turn around and saw him across the road, yelling something at me.

‘Stop walking.’I think he said.

He was pointing frantically to my left and screaming.

“HANEUL!!!! HANEUL!!! YAHHH!!!” He screamed.

I heard a screeching horn. I turned left to where he pointed and saw a van coming in my direction.

His piercing scream and the van’s screeching horn were the only sounds I could hear.

 I see you from across the street 
With cold eyes, you look at me 
 And you walk to me, you walk to me