STORY INFORMATION:

Title: 손이 가 (Take My Hand)

Author: pawlinne17

Main character(s): Mark Tuan, OC (Jong Eunhye)

Status: Chaptered, Completed

Genre: Romance, Idol life

Description/Summary: Eunhye broke up w/ her idol boyfriend and moved into a new apartment)on the same building as Go7's dorm). She meets Mark Tuan, and soon they became friends, along with the other members. She falls for Mark but is afraid that his fame will prevent her from being truly happy, just like her previous relationship.Mark becomes a close friend and falls for her and tries to pursue her.

Reviewed by: baoshi

Date finished: 29 June 2015

Title:

I realised it was one of GOT7's songs which I found actually really genius for some reason but I did like it and the title has the angst feel to it but at the same time you can tell it has romance in it so overall, I do like the title a lot and I think it fits with the story plot.

Appearance (Graphic/Poster):

Your graphics are really...red. I liked the poster because it matched well with the title, how Mark was extending his hand like he was taking someone's hand and the microphone indicates his idol appearance (because sometimes writers use Mark as someone else like a cop or doctor so don't laugh at me when I point that out) but overall it's really basic and plain.

The background was not my favourite at all. The background, when it was tiled, it didn't blend in well with each other so you could tell when it stopped and started and I find that really unpleasing to look at.

I think the red in the graphics isn't too appealing for this type of story and something with a more diversity in colour would suit it more. I wouldn't make it too fluffy nor cutesy because then it wouldn't fit with the story well but just generally a different poster and a much more simpler background would do it.  You could have a flat and then have Eunhye and Mark because that's how they met, they were neighbours so something easy as that can appeal to the reader and still tell a little about the plot and the relation between them.

Foreword/Description:

The description is a little bit off especially at the part which says 'Then she kept running into him, and became friends with not only him, but the other members.' because they were neighbours and from the first couple of chapters, it seemed like they kept visiting her and vice versa so it wasn't really her running into them so I would suggest cutting the first 6 words and somehow take the rest and make it fit the description better. But, the last line really did interest me so good job on that.

Also, a small grammar error in your description. You have an ellipses and then a question mark but that isn't commonly used in formal statements and since it's your description, I would suggest getting rid of that and just using the question mark.

Characterization:

Eunhye's character is basic, this is not a bad way but I just don't really see anything different about her that makes her the main character. In one chapter, you mentioned how she did her best to look indifferent but that didn't make much sense? Indifferent in what way? Not watch popular TV programs? The only thing dramatic about her is her relationship she had with a famous k-idol but overall, she seems a bit off. You wrote that she wanted to be a Game Designer but then in a chapter, you wrote she wanted to be a Game Programmer which is something some people might not mind but it's better to change this mistake.

Mark, I felt like you didn't introduce his character well. From the beginning parts, I picked up that he was somewhat helpful, he had an ugly sleeping face (totally important) but honestly there wasn't anything about him.
I think all the characters are still quite awkward and aren't developed well like you don't really know them too well even reading half of the story and it just feels like you're getting there.

Overall, your characters are alright but I felt like there was too many. First, there was Eunhye, GOT7 and then some EXO members which was a total of 9-11 characters and it was sudden appearances and sudden disappearances.
Also in your Author's Note, I would suggest fixing in a couple of things. Firstly, the 'Author's/Note:' should be 'Author's Note:' and for the credits, I would separate them like this:

Credits: Sakura Blossoms - Review and Graphic Shop | World of Literature Shop | Reading is Beautiful Shop | Ca.Gallery Graphics Shop
and then link each other the shops to the designated place.

Grammar and Spelling:

Before I'm going to comment on the grammar and spelling, I wanted to talk about your use of Korean romanization in the conversation. Honestly, not many people like to read fanfiction with romanization present throughout the story and I understand why you inserted it within the fanfic but it looks messy when you do that. You say that it might help those who want to learn Korean but you would rather learn the Hangul and not really the romanization so it is a bother sometimes but it really depends on who's reading it. If you do want to keep it in the story, I would suggest having the Korean romanization within the speech marks and then writing the translation in brackets outside of it. So it should look something like:

"Dark Mocha neun ije eobsumnida." ("Dark Mocha is currently not available.")

This way, its easier to read and all within one sentence because it does look like that he/she is saying Korean but translating for the person who he/she is talking to instead of translating it to the reader - I hope that makes sense!

In some of your sentences, you have brackets with small notes about Korean grammar and honorifics but it would be better to insert them in the end instead of adding them throughout the story because sometimes the reader is there to read and maybe they're not interested in learning Korean so I would highly suggest you putting these small indicators on them like this1 and then at the end, you just type 1 - and the note that comes after.

Also, inserting emoticons such as ^_^ make your fanfic look unprofessional and overall, doesn't make your story look good so I would suggest not doing that.

(I just wanted to let you know beforehand, my corrections for some of the chapters might not be in order but majority are so it's easier for you to correct.)

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