S T O R Y   R E V I E W

 

TITLE: Our love story

AUTHOR: Imagination_tofu

REVIEWER: PancakeJune

 

 

 

Title: 3/5

Your title doesn't really draw me in as a reader, but I think that might just be personal preference. Aside from that, I feel like your title isn't that unique since I've seen many stories that use that title. However, it is effective judging by the amount of subscribers, upvotes and such; good job!

 

 

 

 

Graphic/Poster: 4/5

Your poster is adorable. I mean, a[d.o]rable; oh the puns. Anyway, your poster is really good, the only thing is the fact that the whole 'movie poster' is overused but that's okay! Also my confusion at first glance is what significance does Donald Duck have? But further into the story I understood why, so I think that it's really good!

 

 

 

 

Forward/ Description: 8/15

It's very colourful. The actual description is very, very short and that isn't always a good thing. My suggestion is that you move the character details to the forward since the description is meant to draw the reader in, and that's quite hard when the majority of it is taken up by character details. In the forward you wrote an author's note, which I have, no problem with, but you write '[A/N]' again which is quite pointless.

I do need to comment on something:

 

"Your family business suffers a finical problem and just when hope seems too bleak, the richest Corporation is willing to lend a helping hand but only on one condition and IT IS FOR YOU TO MARRIED HIS SON...What will happen when you find out if he is a total jerk!

Will you just keep quiet and tolerate him or will you break this deal??

Find out in the fanfic i wrote...."

 

The whole 'find out in the fanfic i wrote' is rather redundant since you already have a question there, which makes the reader think, so there's no point in answering it for them. Also you don't need to have the first letter of 'corporation' capitalised.

I'm sure you don't mean 'finical' since that's just another term for finicky which is an adjective. 'Financial' would be a better word.

 

"and just when hope seems to bleak"

This should be:

"and just when hope seems too bleak"

 

Also the first paragraph is basically just one sentence. You could have divided it into two sentences. Futhermore, "MARRIED" should be changed to "MARRY" since it's present tense.

 

"Your family business suffers a finical problem and just when hope seems to bleak, the richest Corporation is willing to lend a helping hand but only on one condition and IT IS FOR YOU TO MARRIED HIS SON...What will happen when you find out if he is a total jerk!"

This could be:

"Your family's business is suffering through a financial problem, and just when hope seems too bleak, the richest corporation is willing to lend your family a helping hand. However, there is one condition. For you to marry the family's son. It doesn't seem like a problem, but what will happen if you find out that he's a total jerk?