Title: I’m A Woman too

Author: ror169

Genre: Angst, drama.

Main characters: Kim Taehyung (BTS's V) & Minah.

Summary/Description:Taehyung was just a normal, levelheaded sophomore at college until he was dragged into a forced marriage. A marriage that could drive him a whole emotional roller coaster.

Reviewed by: Kalione

 

 

Title

The first thing that came to my mind when I read the title was Girl’s day Minah’s single “I’m a woman too”. I remember back then that I really liked the song and so your title was a pleasant surprise for me. It’s not too corny and cheesy, at the same time; it’s still simple yet sophisticated.  It easily catches people attention. And also somewhat fits the fact that Minah is being strong on the outside but crying when no one’s watching.

 

 

 

Appearance (Graphics/Poster)

I was kind of surprised to discover that you had two posters and it made me have a good impression.  

Unfortunately, nowadays in AFF, people will also judge an author for his/her graphics. So seeing that you have two; it will tell people you are a serious writer and that you worry about your story.

Though the first poster wasn’t bad, I liked the second the most. Overall they are well balanced with your summary; the color scheme fits really well with the genre of your story. 

 

 

 

 

Foreword/Description

Description: I think your description is really good! You know how to make people curious without spilling all the beans and adding the awesome trailer, girl! You won me over!

The only thing I suggest is that instead of finishing the first sentence with a period, you could end it with an ellipsis; so that the last sentence is not left randomly “hanging”.

Foreword: Usually, the foreword it’s a detailed description of the story or the thoughts and considerations of the author, but you used to give credits. Because your description is already good I don’t think there’s a need to make a proper foreword but; if you intend to do it in the future, maybe taking some key quotes from your characters or even a small excerpt from your story will entice readers.

 

 

 

 

Grammar & Spelling

Tenses - You have been switching tenses through the first chapter. I found it a bit distracting and kind messed with the flow of the story; I think you should have kept everything in past tense except for the dialogues.

Ex:

Taehyung wandered his eyes over the roof. Instead of revealing the truth, he kept silent. He didn't want to expose such things to his dad at the moment. The situation would get worse. He could manage might get to delay the marriage, but then he was also afraid he’s afraid his dad would expect him to continue dating Irene. He wasn't sure about it, yet.

Also there were some sentences that I found awkward such as:

Next day's morning, he chose a casual T-shirt and jeans, then went down to the kitchen.

 

Instead,

The next morning, he chose a casual T-shirt and jeans and then went down to the kitchen.

 

I advise you to do a re-editing of the first chapter since there are some strange sentences.

As for the rest of the chapters, there was nothing worth mentioning. You and your beta readers made a good job in editing.

 

 

 

 

Characterization & Plot

Sigh… Honestly, I don’t know how to say this without sounding harsh and y.

Your plot is just too overused. Arranged marriage is a theme that is really common in AFF and frankly I’m really tired to read about it.

 I don’t have any problems reading clichés, after all literature is also a bunch of overused themes. It’s just that there are ways to relay to the readers without sounding too obvious, and unfortunately I don’t think you were able to accomplish this. I was able to predict more or less the story outcome and this is really a bad sign.

The most obvious problems you possess are without doubt creating tension and characterization.

 

Because the characterization of the characters was quite lacking, the pace and the tension of the story suffered the consequences. The pacing was too quick, it felt like Taehyung began to like Minah too quickly and there was no solid reason for he to do it. Usually story and characterization are reviewed in separate but since the two problems are related I decided to approach them at the same time.

Tension is one of the most important elements of a story. Whether you are writing a short tale about your character eating oranges or something equally normal, the tension will keep your readers glued even if your main character is supposed to be the most average and boring person ever.  Even comedy books need tension, because if there is no conflict, if there is no inner or external struggle there is no point or purpose to the characters.

I couldn’t sense any conflict. Even though Minah’s father, Mr. Bang, was sick I felt that it was only an excuse to make Taehyung and Minah marry and even live in the same h