STORY INFORMATION

 

Title: Life

Author: SungJewel

Main characters: Super Junior Kyuhyun and Sungmin.

Status: Chaptered, on-going.

Genre: Angst, tragedy.

Description/Summary: I never understood why, even on the worst days he would always have the brightest smile. he always looked ahead as if there was nothing bad in the world. he truly lived his life to the fullest that i wondered what made him so happy. the answer i would wonder about was not what i wanted. while he saw the world brightly, i saw nothing but tragedy. Tay-Sachs, A hereditary disorder resulting from a deficiency of the enzyme hexosaminisase. The sysmptoms include blindeness, seizures, and paralysis.Lee Sungmin, was diagnosed with the disease in his late teens/early twenties. with no cure of treatment, he changed his lifestyle. quit his corporate job and instead has been doing what he loves since. he thought he had his remaining life planned out but well, life is not one to be predictable when he is set up on a blind date, whom he falls in love with. love was never in his plans.

Reviewed by: chubbybaek

Date finished: 27 March 2015

 

 

STORY REVIEW

 

Title.

'Life' sounds nothing special. I mean life? That reaaaaaaally simple title makes people scroll down your story, like completely. It is so mainstream that people took no interest in reading the whole story. Try to find another more creative and eye-catching one.
 

 

Appearance (Graphic/Poster).

The graphic is really fine. The dark colors were suitable with the genre, and of that, the angst feeling could be felt. Although the poster didn't wow me so much, it made my heart ache a little. I mean, with the single tear that Kyuhyun shed, it gives a lot of sad and heartbreaking imaginations. Well, the only flaw it has is the word 'LIFE'. As I've said before in the title section, it isn't angst enough to gain readers.

 

 

Foreword and Description.

I personally like how you introduced how the story would be like. It was very well-written, but the layout made it look a bit not enjoyable to read. You don't have to write 'PLOT' there because you're writing a story, not suggesting one. Actually there's nothing original about the layout, it doesn't give me the feeling that I'm reading something new. Rather, it seems rushed. It feels like you were in hurry to write this and had no time to decorate it with pictures, and so on. The words are kinda hard to read because the font color is black when the background of the layout is chocolate. I think it would be nice if you decorate on your own instead of using a layout because I believe you can do better than that. P.s It's symptoms not sysmtomps, blindness not blindeness.

 

 

Characterization.

Their personalities are a bit vague; I don't get what their true selves are. Each of the characters doesn't have a specific role; they just abruptly came out without a proper introduction. It made me wonder what kind of person Kyuhyun is. I believe he has a caring side of him, but it was so vivid. You tend to tell what happens instead of how the characters feel. That makes all the characters looked dead. Since it just has 5 chapters, I can't say anything much about this. Maybe because it's only the beginning of your story, the characters haven't developed yet.

 

 

Grammar and Spelling.

There were a lot of mistakes found there. Firstly, if you want to write in past tense, then stick with past tense.

 

 I: All well, the bigger paycheck and a day off tomorrow makes it worth it.

C: Well, the bigger paycheck and a day-off tomorrow was worth it.

 

We're narrating in the past, right? So we should use past instead of present tense. Do not mix it up with the present tense. Aside from that, I've pointed out some mistakes.

I: He walked up to the counter, ordering rasp