STORY REVIEW

 

Title: 신비 Mystery

Author: Ulzzangbunny

Reviewed by: AnExoticShawol

 

 

 

Title:  4/5

The title is okay. It has this power that drags the readers into clicking your story. By first glance, I would want to know what this mystery is. Anyway, you added Korean characters, it’s fine. But the direct translation is also mystery. So if I would read it (translated), it would be “Mystery Mystery”. If you planned the title to be that way, then let it be. If you were not going for “Mystery Mystery”, I suggest you change your title to, 신비 (Mystery) or Mystery (신비).

 

 

 

Foreword/Description: 9/15

The foreword and description are both short but enough. It doesn’t reveal a lot, which is nice. Your errors here are your spaces between words and punctuations. For example:

" I have a lot of things to say , I just prefer not to say them "

Do not put spaces between punctuations. Add a period after each sentence too.

“I have a lot of things to say, I just prefer not to say them.”

  ✗ “Kim Haru is the girl who has everything ; the perfect boyfriend , the perfect friends , the die-for appearance , the manners and heart of good . Her life was a modern...”

✓ “Kim Haru is the girl who has everything; the perfect boyfriend, the perfect friends, the to-die-for appearance, the manners, and a good heart. Her life was a modern…”

 

Capitalize the first letter of a sentence.

✗ " there's something about dangerous things that make me love them ."

✓ “There’s something about dangerous things that make me love them.”

 

 

 

Characterization: 8/10

It’s nice how Haru and Hana are opposites. The story with twin sisters with opposite traits is somewhat cliché, but you did manage to get out of that aspect. You added mystery which made the story attractive. Haru’s sudden act of suicide made me connect with her for some reasons and I like how you conveyed the surprise.

 

 

 

Grammar and Spelling: 15/30

Again, your main problem is your habit of adding a space between punctuations. It didn’t happen just once, or twice, there are a lot of violations. I suggest you reread your chapters and polish them before you post. I am going to correct some because most of these are recurring.

Use apostrophes for possession: (Change tutted because it contradicts the word “softly”.)

✗ “Hana sighed and slumped onto the couch , her father walked in and tutted softly before grabbing his daughters