Title: Motherless Child 고아

Author: likebeinme2411

Main Characters: Baek Seungjo (Kim Hyunjoong), Baek Seungho (Yoo Seungho), Baek Ilbin (Chae Soobin), Baek Ilyi (Lee Yeoleum), & Oh Hani (Jung Somin).

Genre: angst, family, tragedy.

Synopsis/Description: It's been twelve years since the death of Oh Hani. She and Baek Seungjo created a family together. Seungjo became a famous, well-known doctor in Seoul, and became buried in work. On the eve of Christmas, an operation turned for the worst for both sides.

Reviewed By: chae_eum

Title:

한국어 알아요? 궁금해서... I’m curious as to why you incorporated both Korean and English into the title. Basically, the real title you’re saying is ‘Motherless Child Orphan’ - you do know this, right? I’m not a fan of mixing both languages together whatsoever as I find they should be separate, and also because I speak the language. Child and orphan are both nouns and I wouldn’t  use them side by side like you did. I suggest changing the title, or even just taking out ‘고아’.

Appearance (Graphic/Poster):

Just based off the poster, I’m assuming your story is going to have some angst in it. I think the poster has been made well, and I really like it. The details and quality of it is nicely done and all the characters are shown well, so props to your artist.

Foreword/Description:

I think I’ve read your foreword almost ten times, because it needs a lot of work. Yes, it’s actually straight-forward and not so long, but I feel confused after rereading it over and over. You started it off with Oh Hani dying twelve years ago, and I was okay with that. Then, you jumped into the next sentence which says that Hani and Seungjo created a family together before the following sentence describes him as a famous doctor. The first two sentences are somewhat tied together, but the ones that follow are so separated that it’s breaking the flow. It’s like you’re basically stating a bunch of random facts together if that makes sense to you.

I’m slowly starting to understand why you wrote it that way, but you just need to reword it or rewrite the whole thing altogether to be honest. I’ve spent a couple minutes trying to rack my brain as to how to reword it, but I think this something that you should take a look at again, and try it. I’ll be more than happy to assist you in that process if you do decide to rewrite it again.

Your description is basically the characters of the story and who’ll they be playing as. It’s fine, but unless the reader is familiar with these characters (I’m sure they would be, because the tags are the first thing they read), more than likely they’ll just skim it over and it’ll just fly over their head. I actually had to google these characters, and yes, I have watched Playful Kiss, but I still had to. This is actually one of those rare moments where I say putting the pictures of the characters is actually okay, especially if readers are unfamiliar (like me) with them.

Characterization:

I’m going to be a bit harsh from this point forward, so just try your best to understand where I’m coming from. Seungjo is a doctor and that’s basically all I’ve got from his character. Oh- he also seems to be in a bored, sometimes irritable mood all the time. I’ve noticed that he likes to sigh a lot as well, and this is all that I can summarize about his character so far. As far as reasoning goes, I can assume it’s because Hani is dead and he misses her, but you do not give me any insight on his thoughts. All that I’ve read is the actual actions he does whether it be him sighing, staring blankly or talking. These make him seem boring, so I can’t find myself attaching to him like I should. I can’t really review any of the other characters, because there’s not enough information for me to do so. Like the twins..they seem like the typical twins- and I categorize them either as they’re either just alike or different  in everything that they do, or they argue a lot, but will always have each other backs. Other than that, I can’t say t