TITLE: Minimalistic

AUTHOR: 92-pcy

MAIN CHARACTERS: Park Chanyeol (EXO) & Sumin (OC).

GENRES: fluff, romance.

SYNOPSIS: This story revolves around Park Chanyeol, Seoul Arts High's resident nerd, as he goes through the experiences of being an unwanted teenager, both in school and back home. Socially unaccepted, struggling with relentless bullying, the never ending cycle of poverty. How long will his determination last? Will fate eventually see him through his hardships one day? What if there was a certain someone that was always watching over him? He was human after all, and love was not something that was discriminative.. right ? If only she knew, if only she wouldn't push him away like everyone did and accepted him for who he was. The least Chanyeol expected was for the school's Queenka, Sumin, one in particular that differed from many. She was stunning, both inside and out, she possesed a character of simplicity, a heart of gold. She finds herself deeply infatuated with the nerd, there was just something intriguing about the lone boy. Would she soon succumb to her feelings? Would Chanyeol have anticipated himself being entangled in a love story as the two face challenges along the way? The test of time and society status awaits them, as their love blossoms. Come along the couple's journey as Chanyeol finds himself regaining his self confidence, learning to love, experiencing love. Love was simple, love was minimalistic. Love was the solution.

REVIEWED BY: MisoCakes

 

 

Title

I don’t know how I feel about your title, to be honest. When I think of the word ‘minimalistic’ I think of the typical aesthetic blog and instagram themes that are /really/ popular these days. It is an interesting concept, but I know that if I was browsing through for stories to read, it would be one that I would just pass over because it doesn’t really appeal to me in any way. But of course, this is just me and my own opinion - but I am interested to see on how you apply this title to your fic.

 

 

 

 

Appearance (Graphic/Poster

Okay! I really /really/ /really/ love this poster. It’s honestly so pretty, the colour scheme is bloody fab and the overall feel of it is nice too. I don't really have anything else other to say bc I can’t really fault it ahaha and I’m usually a very picky person so yeah - shots to your graphic artist for making such a great poster! I really like how the M & C are a little bigger and are the same size so that it balances out the title. Ugh I just - this is a great poster, I’m really in love with it. <3

 

 

 

 

Foreword/description

Description:

Alrighty, onto the next section! One thing I would suggest to do is rather than the [She] and [He] - you could like, not put them in brackets?? That way it would be easier to read and a little less all over the place.

One thing I do have to say is that you tend to have a few run on sentences that could use a full stop rather than a comma. For example:

 

Original:

[She] … was everything a girl hoped for, from her stunning exterior features to her undeniable intelligence, occasionally accompanied with a sharp tongue and of wit and spite.

 

Edited:

She was everything that a girl could aspire to be like. From her stunning exterior, undeniable intelligence, which was occasionally accompanied by a sharp tongue of wit and spite.

 

Alternatively, you could always italicize the ‘he’ and ‘she’ to stress out the word and give it more emphasis, yanno? so like;

 

“She was everything that a girl could aspire to be like. From her stunning exterior, undeniable intelligence, which was occasionally accompanied by a sharp tongue of wit and spite.”

 

Note: So like there are ways to make your sentences shorter and still convey the same meaning. As you can see, I’ve also changed a few words here and there, because reading your original description was a little odd reading out loud. When you’re writing, write it as if you’re speaking. If you run out of breath when reading your sentences, it’s probably too long. Just throw in a full stop somewhere and then start the next sentence.

I also suggest getting rid of that ‘etc’ at the end of the ‘she’ paragraph bc its not really needed and I’m pretty sure everyone gets the message that she is hella desirable, you know?

I recommend doing the same for the ‘he’ paragraph where you like tone down unwanted sentences  and get rid of the ‘[ ]’ bc they’re not necessary here. I would also recommend changing “Hair that would never seem to fall out of place, gelled tightly to his head..” to “His hair was gelled neatly in place, not even a single hair fell astray.” because it sounds more sophisticated that way - ‘gelled tightly to his head’ sounds v odd.

 

Original:

Books that make “perfect bedtime stories” were his faveourite.

 

Edited:

Books that made “perfect bedtime stories” were his faveourite.

 

Note: Keep to one tense! You’re fic is in past tense so try to keep it that way!!

 

Foreword:

I actually think your ‘Further detailed description’ would have made a pretty good description on its own and then the ‘she’ and he’ paragraphs as your foreword - and then make your current foreword as your author's’ notes. That way it would be a lot more organised and everything. I also recommend putting the trailers at the end of all your writing so that its not in the way and subscribers can get to it /after/ they’ve read all the important stuff.

But as for your ‘Further detailed description’ I will give you the same notion about the run on sentences and on trying to reduce them so they aren’t too much of a mouthful, you know? Another point that I will make is to keep to /one/ tense. Instead of “What if there was always a certain someone that was always watching over him?” you should write, “What if there was a certain someone who always watched over him?” Tenses are very important when writing and don’t forget sentence structure.

However, I if I were to cut some parts out it would be (also edited):

This story revolves around Park Chanyeol, Seoul Arts High's resident nerd, as he goes through the experiences of being an unwanted teenager. Chanyeol was socially unaccepted. He struggled with relentless bullying and the never ending cycle of poverty. How long would his determination last? Would fate eventually see him through his hardships one day? What if there was a certain someone who always watched over him? He was human after all, and love was not something that was discriminative… Right? The least Chanyeol expected was for the school's Queenka, Sumin, one in particular that differed from many started to pay attention to him. If only she knew. If only she wouldn't push him away like everyone did and accepted him for who he was. She was stunning, both inside and out, she possessed a character of simplicity, a heart of gold. She finds herself deeply infatuated with the nerd, there was just something intriguing about the lone boy. Would she soon succumb to her feelings? Would Chanyeol have anticipated himself being entangled in a love story as the two face challenges along the way? The test of time and society status awaits them, as their love blossoms. Come along the couple's journey as Chanyeol finds himself regaining his self confidence, learning to love, experiencing love. Love was simple, love was minimalistic. Love was the solution.

The part that I did cross out was not relevant as it gave a bit too much away in regards to what happens in the story - and you don’t want people to already know what's going down bc what's the fun in that?

I know this isn’t in your forward or description but do the character profiles really need to be in a different chapter?? You can just stick them in the foreward at the end of your Author's notes or something. I also don’t think that you need to include /that/ many pictures. Well maybe like 2 for yeol for the before and after, but I think one photo is okay for all the other characters because having so many photos can be a bit tedious to try and scroll down. And if you do plan on keeping so many photos, maybe make them smaller? Or in a row or something so that is isn’t just a collage of photos, you know?

This goes for the Graphics as well, you can always put them at the end of the Foreword. I’ve seen a lot of authors put “other posters used” at the end of their forewords and it's something that I suggest you do just to make things a little less all over the place and a bit more organised.

 

 

 

 

 

Characterization

Okay, I’m sorry if this sounds a little harsh (I’m REally REALLY SORRY ;A;)

Sumin sounds like a typical Mary-Sue character. She is practically perfect in every single way shape and form, knows it but doesn’t gloat about it, is very humble - basically all round /perfect/. I mean, it isn’t a bad thing, but she doesn’t seem real(?). Like there’s nothing that can fault her. She has no imperfections and imperfections are what make us human. Like she’s rich but doesn’t like to be rich, ignorant to her own appearance but knows it and is very pretty and the list goes on.

Now as for Chanyeol, I don’t see much character development from him. He kind of just jumps from