STORY REVIEW

 

Title: noona neomu yeppeo

Author: sushi_sykes

Reviewed by: Diviana

 

 

 

Title:  4/5

It’s an interesting title, but I’ve seen it around before. Since I generally associate this phrase with SHINee, it’s a bit of a shock to see that it’s a B.A.P. fic. The title is interesting enough that if someone was scrolling through the B.A.P. they would give the story a second look.

 

 

 

Graphic/Poster:  4/5 

The poster gives off a mysterious and dark mood that matches the genre of the story. I do wonder why it’s superimposed over winter scenery - that doesn’t really fit.

 

 

 

Foreword/Description: 13/15

The description and foreword match the tone of psychological thriller well. They are succinct but compelling statements. I especially enjoy how you set up the description. Each sentence becomes more and more suspenseful. There are some problems with the structure of the forward I will address in the grammar section. 

 

 

 

 Characterization: 7/10

Geumhee and Yongguk are decently developed. I would like more round supporting characters though. When only the main characters are developed, the story tends to fall a little flat. Aron has appeared in nearly every chapter but I don’t have a sense of who he is. At the very least, Ravi should have been a more well-rounded character so that his disappearance would have had more impact on the reader.

 

 

 

Grammar and Spelling: 20/30

For the most part, you write well. There are a few mistakes you do consistently make with structure and punctuation.

 

Quotes are treated as though they are a new paragraph. This so that there is better flow in the story. Here are a few examples where you do not do this:

Original text:

“Who is this?” her voice came out shaky; this was the third that day. No sound but soft breathing entered her ears, projected from the phone’