Title: I Like Your Pink Bunny Socks, Sungmin-ssi

Author: jackieway

Main Characters: Sungmin & Ryewook.

Genre: angst, sliceoflife, psychological.

Synopsis/Description: Sungmin is suicidal and depressed.  Ryeowook self-harms.  These two teenagers cross paths in a very unexpected place: a mental hospital.  They say that two broken people can heal each other.  But can they really?

Reviewed By: MisoCakes

 

 

Title:

I have some mixed feelings about your title. It’s got a nice ring to it, don’t get me wrong - but it looks a tad awkward (?), well to me at least. I get the impression that the title is supposed to be some form of dialogue? I could be completely wrong but that’s what I think about it. I suggest that if you were to do the whole speech thingy, why not put the title in quotation marks? I mean I personally don’t see anything wrong with “I Like Your Pink Bunny Socks, Sungmin-ssi.” But other than that, your capitalisation for your title is on point, which is good because this is usually the area which some authors make mistakes in.

 

 

 

Graphic/Poster:

Okay now onto your graphic. I like it - well, most of it at least. It is very pretty and I can see the characters well. The title itself is awkwardly placed, and I can hardly /see/ the title. I don’t think the colour of the font does your poster justice. Other than that, the background comes off as more striking than the actual poster itself, as in - it makes more of an impression. The title of your fic is called ‘I like your pink bunny socks, Sungmin-ssi’, but nowhere on the poster itself, are /PINK/ bunny socks. Granted, there are socks that have bunnies on them, but they’re not pink. Do you see where I’m getting at? And the fact that your background has pink in it, makes it a lot more eye catching than your actual poster which is just sepia toned.

The poster is very pretty, and since you’re going for a darker themed story, I guess the sepia does make sense. But I really do think that the socks should be pink, you know? Just to make something stand out as well rather than making the poster look like a flat image. I am in no way bashing your graphic artist, but it’s just my opinion.

 

 

 

 

Description/Foreword:

Alrighty, for your description I don't think the whole ‘[Excerpt]’ thing is necessary because it detaches the flow and kinda separates everything. Personally what I like to do when writing forwards is do one or two sentences for the description, and then an excerpt of my fic in the forward - along with my author’s notes. So that way it looks less condensed and a little more spaced out (then again this is just me)

Description: I like the italicized part of your description; it’s really nice and offers good insight into the fic. It’s short, simple and sweet despite its content matter HAHA.

There’s something really awkward about this sentence “Despite Dr. Lee (or Sunny, as she kept insisting that I call her), Leeteuk, and the rest of the staff and their cheerful demeanors, I knew that it was all an act.” - I can’t quite place my finger on it, but it sounds odd. I suggest maybe rearranging your sentence? Maybe something along the lines of: “I knew it was all an act. The cheerful demeanour of the staff, Leeteuk and even Dr. Lee herself (or ‘Sunny’ as she prefers me calling her).” Or something along those lines.

Foreword: Okay So I like how you put trigger warnings at the beginning because some authors do not warn their readers of the content in their fics and that’s a big no-no. Like I personally, HATE m-preg, but there was once where I was reading a fic and it was /gold/, like it was so good and then Minseok was like “You could’ve almost killed the baby, why did you hit me?” Or something and yep - it was /v/ scarring. BUT - in saying that the only thing I dislike about your trigger warning is the fact that it’s /s o  r e d /. Like it’s good that it’s red, but it’s the tone of red that makes it a little uncomfortable to read. It’s a bit too, bright. I suggest going for a darker shade, maybe a cool red or crimson??

Anyway, that aside I applaud you for putting in that trigger warning. However, I would put my A/N after the trigger warnings - just my personal preference of course.

 

 

 

Characterisation:

In your request you asked for specific focus on the plot and characterisation and I feel like you did the characterisation part really /really/ well which is crucial for stories like these. It’s important to show exactly what each character is thinking and why they do things etc, so on and so forth. I feel like you executed the characterisation of your characters /really/ well. I’m really impressed. Even though things might have been drawn out to fit the storyline and plot, I feel like it's all done really well.

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