S T O R Y   R E V I E W

 

TITLE: Childhood Replay

AUTHOR:  TotomatoDeer

REVIEWER: aphrodite123

 

 

Title: 4/5
The title, "Childhood Replay", is a fluffy one.  The readers can easily relate to the title, as the story is about Danmi meeting her childhood friends after 4 years.  I also liked it because it's simple and special.

 

 

 

Graphic and Poster: 4/5
It's cute and fluffy which suits the story.

The overall layout is clear and the way you divide paragraphs are simple and clear as well.

 

 

 

Foreword and description: 11/15
For the description, there is only a background of the story and  a conversation between Bambam and Danmi.  I think that it is alright but it still lacks some depth.  Description helps to lure readers to read the story, however, the story's description didn't leave a great impact on me.  I think that you can add some questions or some quotes to make it more interesting. As for the foreword, adding a prolouge is a good start.

 

 

 

Characterization: 5/10

I don't think that there is much characterization in these 15 chapters. 

For Danmi, she's the lovely girl and that's all.  I don't feel like there is any change in her.  The same goes for Zelo and Bambam.  I don't feel like there's anything special in them.  I feel like they're are the side characters rather than the main ones. 

You have developed the image of the characters but maybe you can develop them further or add some scenes that can make them stand out as the main characters. 

 

 

 

 

Grammar and Spelling: 22/30
There are a lot of minor grammar and spelling mistakes throughout the story.  I will pick out some of them for you.

In the foreword:

"Bambam left for Thailand when I was 12.  He was my best friend,and I knew him since I was in diapers.  Now 4 years past and I'm 16,my high school,it's in Seoul,Korea.  I left the states,where