STORY REVIEW

 

Title: Being Afflicted

Author: RedGuitarist

Reviewed by: Diviana

 

 

Title:  4/5

From my search of aff, this seems to be the only work with this title. It sparks the reader’s curiosity: what is the character afflicted with. It’s a little strange that the title is in present particle since I am use to verb titles being in present or past tense. That does draw more attention though.

 

 

 

Graphic/Poster: 3 /5 

Although I can see the romance elements of the plot in the poster, I do not see any suggestion of angst. It seems like a rosy and typical romance poster.

 

 

 

Foreword/Description: 14 /15

I love your description. The stacked, short sentences create a sensation of suspense. Opening with the definition was clarified to the reader why you had chosen your title. Your foreword gave a good glimpse into the mood of your plot. There are some grammar problems I’ll address later.

 

 

 

Characterization: 8/10

Hyun Ji’s relatively well characterized. I can tell she hides herself to protect her fragile heart. For Jin, I wish I could have seen his motivation more. Why does he help her? Is he just a nice guy or is there something else.. I wish I had seen more of BTS’s personalities but you’re only in the first 5 chapters so there is still room for more to be learned of them.

 

 

 

Grammar and Spelling: 20/30

Your grammar and spelling are relatively good, but you have a tendency to add extra words words to sentences and incorrectly structure dialogue.

 

Since you have been using the pronoun they for afflictions keep, it consistent throughout that description.

Original: “But for me it's different.”

Correction(s): “But for me [they’re] different.”

The reason you should keep it consistent is because it all refers to the same thing (afflictions). If you use “it” as you originally had there is not preceding or following noun that “it” connects to. That creates ambiguity.

 

This sentence from your description is confusing:  “It was quite contradicting to the gloomy appearance probably set outside.” I’m assuming that you intended this sentence to state how her humming is contrasts with the rainy outside.

Original:  “It was quite contradicting to the gloomy appearance probably set outside.”

Correction(s):  “It was quite contradicting to the gloomy appearance [atmosphere] outside.”

You had a few unnecessary words that made the meaning of the sentences a little confusing. It sounded like the narrator was uncertain of the weather which rendered the contrast between her singing and the rain outside useless.

 

Here are a couple of examples of your tendency to add extra words to sentences.

 

In this sentence, you have an unnecessary word: being. It’s unusual to ha