Author: ShinEl

Title: They Call Me 'Cougar'

Main Characters: Kwon Jiyoung, Sandara Park, TOP & Kim Taeyeon.

Genre: Action, comedy, mystery, angst, romance.

Synopsis/Description: Dear god, please make this a dream. I promise I won't go tackling younger guys anymore. Please, please, please wake me up from this dream. Kim Jaejoong isn't real. And am I going to die because who the is this Kwon Jiyoung?

Reviewed by: Myst_Dance

 

 

Title:

I can understand why you put this title on. It wasn’t bad actually; however, it’s a bit childish when saying it out loud. I furrowed my eyebrows in curiosity when I first saw it. Although, I have no idea what is your definition for cougar is.

 

 

 

Forward/Description:

Hmm….there isn’t much to say to your description, but it does seems to add up your story real quick. To me, I didn’t think much when I read it because it didn’t get my attention much. I thought it was just some imagination about this Kim Jaejoong, and she just happens to meet Kwon Jiyong.

 

 

 

Characterization:

Dara - Her character was amazing. You did a really good job to keep her personality in check from the beginning to end. There was no change towards her sappy and dramatic character which makes this story flow easier. If you changed her character in the middle of the story, it probably lost a lot of your readers’ interests.

Kwon Jiyong - I have nothing to say this because his character had only showed up from time to time and there was nothing different to it beside Kim Jaejoong. The way how you split these two characters up was pretty cool...add on to the hair. It was a perfection who you change their physical appearance too; although, I recommend to change more it. Like adding eyeliner, having ear piercings, wearing different clothes.

 

 

 

 Grammar and Spelling:

There’s nothing that is really major here. You just have some constant errors with your commas and a lot run-on sentences.

Run-on: He muttered a three syllables words which I would assumed to be his name, not that I cared or even paid attention that considering how I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned the attention span of a fish, as he did a quick bow before carrying his bag on shoulder as he walked to the vacant table three seat away from me.

Edit: He muttered a three syllable words which I would assumed to be his name; not that I cared anyway. I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned the attention span of a fish.

He did a quick bow before carrying his bag on his shoulder and walked to the vacant table three seats away from me.

 

Your paragraphs has a lot of commas, and the sentence goes on and on and on. If someone reads your run-on sentences, it will most likely go on without stopping. That will mess up the flow of the entire story. (I thanked her sincerely while we talked a