STORY INFORMATION

 

Title: North and South Star

Author: REBEL4LIFE

Main characters: EXO's Sehun and Kai.

Status: Chaptered, on-going.

Genre: Angst, and sad.

Description/Summary: Sehun had always been mistreated by his family. He was always compared to his brothers about educations, cooking and structures of manners. His father descipline him more and his mother barely puts her attention on him. His brothers cares about him but they also loves the compliments from their parents.

Reviewed by: baoshi

Date finished: 24 February 2015.

 

 

STORY REVIEW

 

 

Title.

Honestly, after reading your story, I didn't get why your story was called North and South Star. I saw that it did focus on Sehun a lot and bits of Kai who was like his saviour mostly but they are quite similar so I didn't really understand the North and South terms. North and South are directly opposite each other so if you are using this title, it can mean that there are two characters opposite of each other that soon bring each other together but I didn't understand why you would use this title? Care to explain? :)

In terms of originality, I would say it's a pretty original fanfic title on AFF since I haven't seen anybody else use it.

 

 

Appearance (Graphic/Poster).

I liked your graphic colour scheme. It wasn't too dark or too late, it was pretty neutral and I think that added to the atmosphere more because you couldn't tell the genre of it too well at the beginning and neutral colours are great for these types of story.

 

 

Foreword/Description.

I think your word choice throughout your description was alright. You could change some words to suit the situation and the plotline better but none the less, it was pretty good. It had enough information to interest the reader and wasn't too long nor short.  My edit but you don't need to use:

Sehun had always been by his family. He was always compared to his brothers about his level of education, his cooking skills and his manners. As he continued to grow, his father disciplined him more and more while his mother barely paid attention to him. His brothers would care about him but as they loved the compliments and attention from their parents, they didn't do much.

There were some simple grammar issues but as I said, everything was great.

 

 

Characterization.

In my opinion, I think you focused a lot on the emotions in each character and fully portrayed them throughout the story which isn't bad, it's actually pretty good! You started really strongly with the emotions at the beginning, instantly making the reader grasp the situation on how this family "worked" in terms of their separation between the oldest, youngest and then the middle child.

I think you portrayed Sehun's emotions well at the beginning and throughout the whole story. You focused on how hurt he felt because of his family and how he had to go through his life like this which receives a bit of sympathy and pity from me.  I was close in tears as well so you weren't the only one (yes, I read the author's note as well even though I rarely do).

Both of Sehun's brothers don't give off a bad vibe because you can tell they aren't doing anything bad, it's mainly just their