Feels. Jessica’s voice just…it does things to me. And the lyrics? Kill me now.

I suggest listening to it on youtube while reading this.

~

"Sica, thanks for doing this for me."

Jessica smiled softly as she nudged Sooyoung, “You know I’m proud of you. Think of it as a congratulatory gift for your first main role in a drama.”

The tall girl was touched and hugged the ginger haired girl tightly, “Thank you, Sica.”

They squeezed each other tight before separating, “Now, shoo! You’ll get to hear it later in your drama.”

Sooyoung sulked, “I don’t get to listen in on the recording?”

Jessica giggled and shook her head, “No. Besides, you have a schedule right now.”

"Fine then, it better blow me away," Sooyoung said sternly.

The ginger haired girl mock saluted, “Aye aye, Sooyoung-ssi!”

Sooyoung rolled her eyes but walked towards the door with a final squeeze to Jessica’s arms in silent thanks. Jessica took in a deep breath before departing for the recording booth.

~

Jessica nervously stood inside the sound booth with her headphones over her ears. She had read through the lyrics and had even gotten the feel of the song. However, there was a certain person lurking in the back of her mind that she thought of when she heard the song.

This would be the first recording take and Jessica her lips as the sound of a piano playing filled her ears. A wave of nervousness all of a sudden hit her as her cue to start singing came up. Her eyes found the first verse and she began to sing.

Is this what love is?
Does it hurt the more you do it?
The more I get closer to you
My feelings grow bigger
It scares me

Love. A fond memory floated through Jessica’s mind. She remembers a young chubby faced teen that she met in the beginning of her trainee days. She remembers growing up with her. She remembers late night talks. She remembers warm hugs. She remembers cuddles. She remembers waking up one day with frightening feelings.

Such a precious person to me
That person, who won’t ever come again
That’s it for me, that’s enough
Just the fact that I love you

That person she shared those precious memories with. Taeyeon.

~

"Sooyeon-ah!"

Jessica lifted her head from her arms with a groan. She was taking a nap right after a rather troublesome vocal lesson. Practice. That’s what she would need to do before her next lesson.

"Taengoo, I’m napping."

Taeyeon skidded to a halt in front of Jessica, “What’s more important? Talking to me or napping?”

Jessica blinked at the older girl before burying her head back into her arms, “Napping.”

"Yah!" Taeyeon yelled.

The older girl rolled her eyes but sat by the laying Jessica. She manhandled Jessica with ease to rest her head in her lap. Taeyeon was now sitting down comfortably with her thighs being used as a pillow.

"What are you doing? I told you I’m napping.”

Taeyeon gave Jessica a dorky smile, “Why not nap together?”

Jessica blinked as Taeyeon smiled at her and there was an unexplainable heat that rushed throughout her body. Weird. She didn’t even have dance practice but her heart was beating rapidly.

A chuckle escaped Taeyeon before she ran a hand through chesnut locks, “Just close your eyes, Sooyeon-ah. We’ll nap together.”

Jessica reached for the hand in her hair and gently held it over her chest. Taeyeon smiled gently as Jessica slowly closed her eyes.

"Goodnight, Sooyeon."

"Goodnight, Taengoo."

~

The one person who can’t see me though I am looking
The one person who can’t hear me though I am calling
Do you even remember me?
Do you even think of me?
Just once, please

Where did those happy times go? When Jessica allowed herself to fall for the older girl. She had given her heart to Taeyeon. Taeyeon, her first love who now barely acknowledged that she even existed. A lump lodged itself in and Jessica could feel a tightness in her chest beginning to form.

The only thing I can do is cry but
Like a fool, I am waiting
Please come to me now
Come to me just like this
My last wish is that one person, you

~

"Taengoo!"

Jessica was yelling for Taeyeon who was across the stage busy with other artists. She looked around to find herself far from her girls and she slowly began to panic. Frantically searching for those onyx eyes, Jessica felt like she was slowly losing herself.

Taeyeon was her rock. Her support. Her love. What…what was going on? Why was she ignoring her? Why wasn’t she concerned that she wasn’t right beside her.

"Taeyeon-ah!"

She tried once more and helplessly looked at the leader who seemed lightyears away. A tanned hand held her hand and began to tug her towards the girls.

"Come on, Sica. I got you," Yuri smiled.

A sense of relief overcame Jessica as she had someone familiar with her. But the hand in hers felt far too large and foreign. It didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t Taeyeon’s.

~

To you, I’m a small person
Just someone you know
That’s it for me, that’s enough
Just the reason of love

Jessica bit her lip as she felt a wave of sadness hit her. These lyrics were hitting too close to home.

The one person who can’t see me though I am looking
The one person who can’t hear me though I am calling
Do you even remember me?
Do you even think of me?
Just once, please

Does Taeyeon even think of her? Does she even remember the romance they once shared? Does Taeyeon…regret what they almost had? Jessica rapidly blinked her eyes as she felt her eyes begin to water.

~

Jessica’s heart was beating rapidly as Taeyeon cornered her. They had recently debuted and for some weird reason, they were the only ones in the dorm. Taeyeon had Jessica pinned to the wall with her hands on either side of her face.

"Forgive me, Sooyeon-ah. But I need to know.”

The younger girl’s breath hitched as Taeyeon leaned forward, delicately capturing her lips. Her heart felt like it was ready to burst and she all of a sudden felt dizzy. Jessica’s hands tightly gripped Taeyeon’s shirt as they massaged their lips together.

They slowly pulled away with their chests heaving. Silence overcame them as they pressed their foreheads together. Gathering all her courage, Jessica whispered, “Taengoo…I think I’m falling for you.”

~

That one person, you
You are my only love
My heart can’t let you go
Just as much as I love you
Each minute and each second hurts so much

Jessica was now singing the bridge and she felt her voice crack. It may be the intensity of the music as it reached its or the fact that her memories of Taeyeon were beginning to take its toll on her. Her lips quivered as she took in a shaky breath.

She nearly stopped singing but she saw the producer frantically signalling for her to continue on. Jessica obeyed his silent command as she felt tears sliding down her cheeks. Her eyes slid shut of their own accord as she poured out raw emotion into the song.

The one person who appears even when I close my eyes

It’s been years and she really should move on. But was it her fault that Taeyeon resided behind her eyelids? That every single thought she had consisted of Taeyeon. You can’t just erase a love like that.

The person who is next to me even in my dreams

Yes. Even in her dreams. Or rather, especially in her dreams. The two would still be really close. They would sneak in a kiss or two before leaving for a schedule. Teasing each other mercilessly. Taeyeon holding her tightly whenever she asked. Saying the words, “I love you” to each other.

Jessica felt herself choke up as she could barely continue singing.

Do you even remember me?
Do you even think of me?
I miss you, please

The only thing I can do is cry but
Like a fool, I am waiting
Please-

Jessica stopped singing entirely and waved her hand in apology, “I…I’m sorry. I-I need t-to collect myself.”

The ginger-haired woman walked out of the recording booth and straight to the single stall bathroom. Only when she was alone in the bathroom did Jessica finally let herself go. The tears in the recording booth were nothing in comparison to what she was doing now.

Heart-wrenching sobs filled the air as she curled herself into a ball. She was supposed to be okay. This was supposed to be for Sooyoung. She wasn’t supposed to breakdown. This wasn’t supposed to hurt. Jessica desperately clutched her chest as she felt her heart caving in itself.

Amidst the sobs, only one name was brokenly whispered like a neverending chant, “Taengoo. Taengoo. Taengoo.”

~

Sooyoung draped a heavy arm around Taeyeon’s shoulders, “Come watch with me, Taeyeon-unnie!”

Taeyeon let out a laugh, “Okay, okay. You know I’ve been watching your drama since the beginning even if I missed a couple of episodes.”

Sooyoung squinted her eyes, “What?!”

"Calm down, I have it recorded so it’s not like I don’t plan on watching it. And I’m watching it now."

"Yeah but this is your first time watching it with me!" Sooyoung declared as she forced the leader to sit down.

They watched the episode and there was certain song that Taeyeon knew Jessica sang. However it wasn’t played long enough for her to really pay attention to it. As the last few minutes of the episode played, Taeyeon listened closely as Jessica’s voice filled their ears.

Is this what love is?
Does it hurt the more you do it?
The more I get closer to you
My feelings grow bigger
It scares me

There was a break in the song as the conversation between the drama’s characters continued. Taeyeon felt a heavy burden start pressing all over her body. Jessica sang this song and she felt as if it was directed to her. Even though they knew she wasn’t the one who composed it, the lyrics were causing an uneasiness to settle in the pit of her stomach.

The one person who can’t see me though I am looking
The one person who can’t hear me though I am calling
Do you even remember me?
Do you even think of me?
Just once, please

The churning in her stomach increased and Taeyeon felt uncomfortable sitting there. She abruptly stood up when the credits rolled and the song intensified its impact. Rapid images flashed through Taeyeon’s mind as she thought of Jessica for the first time in a very, very long time.

She never gave her a chance. She had pushed her away and hoped that ignoring the problem would make it go away. Taeyeon would have to be blind not to see that she was hurting Jessica. But her pride wouldn’t let her do anything about it.

"I…episode’s over. I’m gonna go out for a walk."

Taeyeon gripped the doorknob and pulled it to reveal Jessica about to insert her dorm keys. Their eyes met awkwardly and Taeyeon’s knees nearly buckled at the eye contact. Had there always been a deep sense of helplessness in Jessica’s eyes? Was that her doing?

Jessica took in a shaky breath as she could hear her OST still playing through the television’s speakers, “I…Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon her all of a sudden chapped lips as her heart thudded panfully in her chest before saying a name she hadn’t used in years, “Sooyeon-ah…”

~

Idk if that was angsty for you guys but all of a sudden I was reminiscing when I was listening to Jessica’s OST on repeat. Yeahhh. Let’s not talk about that. >.< This scenario took me some time to write so that’ll be it for tonight. :)