Eight
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Title (5/5)
The title gives an eerie feeling to it, mysterious at the same time. When I received this story request application (along with others assigned to me) Eight catches me off guard. A one-word title always gives off a certain kind of aura towards the story, something different than any other. They are usually indescribable, mysterious but yet at the same time, there would be a connection to the story itself. On the first impression, it gives an infinite possibilities but it still heavily leans towards time fantasy/ sci-fi plots. By using a one word tittle, the author leaves more room for the readers to imagine, allowing them to generate ideas and expansing their mind to a wider and broader about what may happened throughout the stories that would leave them renderless and in awe when they encounter a very different twist in the story. But most importantly, a one word title is poetic symbolism to me as it makes that one word special, abstract that comes to life.
From your note, Eight counts on as an infinite love which I could see from a symbolic point throughout the story. Even though of the endless possibilities the story could offer in the future, I would like to see for a far more expanse of the title relating to the story, more twists that could bring more out of the title. As for now, I could decipher that your story is about the two of them finding an everlasting love, even if it's cliché - the story has a vision for a very good story plot.
Graphics (5/5)
The graphics actually reflect the story very well and I'm very much mesmerized with Baekhyun's ivory eyes and the capturing illusions, the fantasies that the readers would find (as they read the story) and immerse in throughout the actual story. In the third poster, it actually portrays that Chanyeol is actually a simple human being, a working man who has actually lost everything he has but the first graphic and main graphic suits more with how the story is leading on. I am not too sure on how to review on a graphic but the posters for your story gives of a very promising (marketing) appearance which gives the story beforehand, a look of mystery which would be able to pull the readers in. Appearance is everything for a first impression but what matters most is how the story would be able to get the readers to keep on with their subscription to this story. Overall, I'm very impressed with every graphic of this story. They are very well presented.
Description and Foreword (7/10)
The description is perfect, flawless (author's excellent mechanical in writing) and something that I would find reading at the back of books in the bookstore. This actually create a distinctive position between other authors and you. It's straightforward, pointing out who the readers would encounter in through the actual plotline but yet still secretive at that. It will make the readers wonder on how much of a monster Baekhyun is and more questions are left untold, leaving the readers to actually move on to the next chapter. I find the description powerful, not revealing important points or snippets in the story. But sometimes, more is better than lesser. The description works but at some point, the magic isn't too powerful. I was wondering why I couldn't find myself to actually move forward with the story, interesting, yes but it is not a powerful description. I suggest to create a more suspense description, something that is told but too confusing, mystery - that could thrill the readers who are just not there for the romance between the two characters - could pull more readers in. As an example, let's compare two of your stories' descriptions.
(I would bold the ones that I find intriguing with the descriptions in both of the stories. This will show the difference between more and less that I have mentioned above)
Eight:
Park Chanyeol wanted to forget all his life problems - his divorce, his child's custody, his debts and his boring job. Most importantly, he wanted a restart.
Byun Baekhyun wanted otherwise. He wanted people to remember, but he was cursed with the gift of erasing unwanted memories. People called him a monster but still used him to ease their pain.
These two people collided when Chanyeol was offered by his best friend, Jongdae, to meet a person who was able to make his wish come true. The genie, Chanyeol assumed to be one old and wrinkled man, happened to be younger than he expected.
The genie named Byun Baekhyun, a lone monster.
Prediction of Destiny:
Normal seventeen year old teengaer, Oh Sehun, was granted the ability to draw a person's significant other. Luhan on the other hand is haunted with a dream. He then proceed to meet the love pyschic in order to see the male behind his dreams. What Luhan discovered was the biggest shock of his life - a conspiracy between two big companies. So, how are they connected?
For the description of Prediction of Destiny, it doesn't reveal much even if you have placed down more than a twist in the description. It even give the readers more to contemplate, broading their imagination and it actually pulls the readers more into the story. While on the other hand, I could only find one plot twist in Eight. But other than that, you have done a good job with the description.
Next, you have used the foreword fully but mostly, I would encourage the authors to write a small snippet to even more entrance the readers to want to read the story. It's all and all gamble where if the description doesn't work then the foreword would do the magic to pull the readers in. But, apart from any other of this, Eight has a great start as a first impression.
Story Layout (5/5)
The story layout is very neat, good spacing with the nicely length, written paragraph and suitable fonts. And I'm very much in love with the chapters' headers as they look more individual, giving readers something beautiful every time you update the story - and it creates a more mysterious and fantasy appearance to every chapter. I believe that appearance is important as they are the first impression and as a reader, I read through every chapter smoothly and that has been a very well job from your side. Story layout is very important as I have seen a few authors decide not to care about the importance of story layout and I was very pleased going through this story.
Plot (25/30)
As for the plot, it isn't that original but the premise of the story is good as there are more to be told, unfold and to be discovered. You have also added few interesting elements in the story such as Chanyeol's character that is highly relatable as it mirrors how society deals with a cheater and Baekhyun's gift to erase memories. But there are still unclear complication, uncertain characters' actions (that is easily a bit off at few points in the story). I was expecting something more out of this story - something that could trigger the theme of the story which is endless, a forever love. Maybe a conspiracy, some dark secrets. From the talk of the plot, the story is a bit slow but from an actual observation, it is otherwise. As for more the good side of the story plot, it is highly believable as the problems that Chanyeol and Baekhyun are going through are realistic, being cussed away from the society, cheated and losing someone and something so important. Readers could relate to their lives. The overall plot is actually unreadable, too different than any other stories and that might lead to some confusions. As an example, the moment when Baekhyun started to hallucinate.
Characterization (7/10)
From my first impression, the two important characters are unique as they have their own problems, coming from different places and the fact that the two met was because of their own sadness and fear. However there are a few points that I would like to point out regarding them and other minor characters too. Byun Baekhyun is a loner, someone who is being pushed away by the society and even his own family. But there are a few points that I would like to state here. He is expressed as a beautiful person (with his ivory eyes, small stature and even his power is seen to be beautiful by Chanyeol), rich and friendly (since he could befriend a child and Chanyeol in only a few days) which leans his character to a Gary Stu. And he is also portrayed as a "damsel in distress" on the latter chapters since he is in need for someone to rescue and save him from the curse. His mysterious side goes well when he decides to seduce Chanyeol, whether or not he tries to identify the other's uality (or for any other reasons). It gives the readers more to depict about him, whether he has always been that someone who seduces men (his other clients) or is it just Chanyeol? But the flow is a bit bumpy around here (as I would press the matter further later).
Chanyeol on the other hand is a very realistic character in this story that I'm absorbed with. He is portrayed as regretful cheater, divorcee and a stalker at the start of the story. However, due to his character being very realistic (and have been shown on movies, books and dramas), when he got bailed out, he became a bit more relax, like a teenager that have done nothing wrong even if he was drunk. I was expecting him to act out as if he was going directly back to his ex wife's house and pushed Jongdae away when the other told him not to. Throughout the whole story (until the tenth chapter), he is serious, a bit quiet around strangers and a bit implusive due to the divorce and child custody - and that will only lead him to do much, much so. Next, when he is caged in Baekhyun's grasp, the ual desire for the ivory eyed male doesn't really go well and creates a bumpy flow throughout the scene. I would suggest for you to uncover it in the story, maybe place in a snippet of his unnerving emotion, dizziness as if he was drunk by Baekhyun's beauty (or for any other reason that have been stated in the story where Chanyeol married a woman to hide away his secret), then it would actually create something that the readers could understand why he did that in the first place. I have a bit of confusion with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's relationship. If Kyungsoo had been the man he was caught cheating on, then wouldn't he remember Kyungsoo when he got bailed out because he did remember who the other was during the visit in his office?
Furthermore, I'm a bit unsure about Hyemi and her mother, Minjoo. You should begin on revealing one by one, the hallucination, sending the girl into a shelter home. Nevertheless, the minor characters actually raise more confusions and awareness, whether it's true or not that create a more stable worries and complication for the two main characters.
Description (9/10)
The story is well descriptive even though I would hope for something to remove the confusion sooner from you (as I'm hoping for the next chapters). A lot of authors actually lacked description in the story, not pressing on the matter around their characters surrounding. I really like the beginning of chapter one as it makes the readers feel like they are reading from a novel itself as not many authors could write a description of a surrounding and be able to pull the readers in just by that. The emotions came acrossed slightly bumpy but other than that, this story could pass on for more than just a fanfiction.
Flow (3/5)
As I have said before - due to a few complications (the hallucination, Chanyeol's side of the story as someone who is ually attracted to men and his ex wife's side of story), the flow becomes bumpy and a bit too fast. The characters' progression might have been the reason why and so I hope that something could be done as more chapters are uploaded in the future.
Grammar (6/10)
There are a few small problems you had in the story. You mixed two tenses together. This story leans more towards past tense and yet, I could still spot present tenses in the chapters. There are alose errors regarding plural and singular in your story but this errors are not that spot able. There is no other corrections need to be done but only the correction on the points that I have stated which a lot of the readers would not mind but a few readers are not fond of these small errors. But other than that, you have done well as a non native speaker.
Taste of the Story (10/10)
I enjoyed this story. I truly did. Thank you for sharing it with me and allowing me to 'review' it even though it was well written that 'reviewing' might not be the word for this. You're one of the authors whom are very good with words and brilliant ideas that I have yet to discover on AFF and certainly deserve more recognition. The entire plot of this story create an interest in me and the meaning of number eight actually makes me think twice. Even though throughout the review, I would usually point out the complications and confusion that I've encountered but I love these kind of story plotlines which is really good on my side. During the reading of this story there were many paths I thought of for the story to take (the love path, the tragedy path) and I'm still going through it again and again because I will be waiting for the next chapter.
TOTAL: (84/100)
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