I REALLY like your description; it was so pretty and deep. After I read it I was very excited to start reading the story, it is well written.

 

I think your characterization is the best part of the whole story, you explain Taemin’s thoughts and opinions so well. I haven’t gotten far enough to see you describe much of the other characters feelings yet but I’m 100% sure it’ll be amazing! You honestly make me feel like I’m in the shoes of a killer, his thoughts are just so different and I’m just really amazed by how much personality Taemin has.

I really like how you describe things and if it weren’t for the poor English this section would have a 5/5. You describe things in a unique way where I have to stop and just think about what you wrote and say, “Wow, I wouldn’t have ever thought of it that way.” The only problem though is that your English sometimes makes things difficult to read and I either get confused and have to figure it out or just don’t understand it at all.

 

Your poor English makes the story’s flow really choppy, I have to constantly stop and re-word it in my head.

 

Like I’ve said previously your grammar is really bad and even in the first paragraphs of the story I noticed a lot of mistakes, I’ll give an example. 
The first couple paragraphs of the preface said: Staggering, he looked around him on the pavements with dim eyes, his heart was cold as steel tonight, he was just emotionless and sick. Taemin inhaled a big amount of the cigarette in his hand, letting out the smoke slowly, and watch it as it got mixed with the cool air around.
The hood covered half of his face, the moonlight cascaded a shadow at the side of his face and he continued to stager towards the house. He could fall down at his knees, or bump into the streetlamp because he wasn’t looking where he's going, he was walking, not thinking, not even breathing, and the smoke just skipped from between his lips like there was a fire inside.
He was high, yet he wasn’t drunk, and he wasn’t even anywhere close to sleepy. He was just…detached. He was done with life, he was feeling so empty, he was so cold, colder than the night tonight.
Taemin walked even more, the sound of his footsteps echoing in the lonely street before he stop before that two story house. His eyes focused at the door, before slowly turning to the window where he caught that shadow walking around.
Pushing himself to walk forward, he climbed the small steps and got on the porch, facing the brown door. From where he stood he could still hear her voice inside, chatting with someone probably, and yet again, she liked to make conversations with herself, so he's not too sure about it.
It should be: Staggering, he looked around him on the pavements with dim eyes, his heart was cold as steel tonight, he was just emotionless and sick. Taemin inhaled a big amount of cigarette smoke from the cigarette in his hand, before letting it out slowly, and watching it as it mixed with the cool air around him.
His hood covered half of his face, the moonlight cascading a shadow at the side of it and he continued to stager towards his house. Right now, he could fall down to his knees, or bump into a streetlamp because honestly, he wasn’t looking where he was going, he was walking but not thinking, not even trying to breath, as the smoke just skipped from between his lips like there was a fire inside.
He was high yet he wasn’t drunk (this part doesn’t make sense, ‘yet’ makes it seem like being high and drunk have something to do with each other however they don’t so yet he wasn’t drunk doesn’t belong here at all) and nowhere close to sleepy, he was just…detached. He was done with life, he was feeling so empty, so cold . . . colder than the night air tonight.
Taemin walked even faster, the sound of his footsteps echoing in the lonely street before he stopped before that two-story house. He focused his eyes on the door, before slowly turning to the window where he caught that shadow walking around.
Pushing himself to walk forward, he climbed the small steps and got on the porch, finally face to face with the door. From where he stood he could still hear her voice inside, chatting with someone probably, yet again, she liked to have conversations with herself, so he wasn’t too sure about it.
I’d also like to point out that you don’t indent your paragraphs, that can make reading a little confusing and when your characters say something you put ‘ instead of “, this is totally wrong and annoys me.