the request

AUTHOR » Queensabelle

STORY status » Completed

type of request » Standard

chapters reviewed » 1

genres » Romance, fluff, friendship, slice of life, school life

description » Kwon Min Jee had an extremely soft voice.
No matter how hard she tried, her voice just couldn't get any louder.
Even confessing her love to her childhood friend was something impossible.

" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself. That's one thing I'm certain about."

" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "


 

title (5)

appeal » 2/2

correlation » 2/2
CLARITY » 1/1

Appeal (2/2) – I didn’t understand the title at first, but then as I got further in, I realized how cute it was. The title
 iscute and simple and I love how you fit it into the story.
Correlation (2/2) – As I’ve said, the title fit perfect with the story.
“My feelings finally passed to him. Jeon Jung Kook, the one who I fell in love with. At last...
... He heard it.”
Adorable!
Clarity (1/1) – I fully understand the title.

    graphics (0)

APPEAL OF THE poster » 0/2

correlation to the story » 0/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 0/1

Appeal of the Poster (0/2) – I don’t like the poster. The quality is bad, whoever made it is obviously a rookie. To be honest, I think you should just get a new one. You should look at the person’s previous posters before you request. The background is fine, however, there is nothing that makes me exactly love it.

Correlation to the story (0/2) – Besides the school outfits, there is nothing in the poster that has any exact relation to the story. I get an entire different vibe from the poster than from the story, the only thing that stays true is the fluff feel.

Suitability of the Vibe from the Graphics (0/1) – I honestly don’t think the poster fits well with the title. In the story, you make JungKook more manly and protective, however he looks like a 5-year-old in the poster. Also, though the picture of IU is adorable, I don’t think it clearly shows the fact that she has low self-esteem. If anything, she looks confident and happy with life in the picture, however, in the story, it’s the exact opposite.

PLOT (12)

APPEAL OF the base storyline » 5/10

the effect of events » 5/10
development of plot » 2/10

Appeal of the Base Storyline (5/10) – I don’t really like the storyline, it doesn’t take much to think of a storyline like this. It is simple and doesn’t take much effort to write. However, I can’t say I completely disliked it, so I will give a 5.

The Effect of Events (5/10) - One again it was simple, everything was predictable. Nothing in the story left me awed. The story's events didn't necessarily bring out any emotion from me. 

Development of the Plot (2/10) - Nothing really developed, in the end the characters were still exactly the same. You didn't actually give either one of them a moment to just really think about going after the other. The story just suddenly has a rude classmate something then Jungkook just confesses, however, you never really clarified before then what he felt towards the main character.

flow (2)

suitability of the flow » 0/2

your control of the pace » 2/3
 

Suitability of the Flow (0/2) - Everything was choppy, I had to keep replaying sentences in my head so I could get them to make sense. It definitely was not a smooth read.

Your Control of the Pace (2/3) - I think the pace was ok, nothing was rushed and I think that's something hard to do with a short one-shot. However, I feel you could've took a couple more paragraphs to explain the character's emotions and surroundings.

    grammar (4)

punctuation » 1/2

vocabulary » 2/2
proof-reading » 1/2

SYNTAX » 0/2
tense collisions » 0/2

Punctuation (1/2) - I think there is some need for improvement in this section but you did pretty well.

Spelling (2/2) - I didn't notice any spelling errors.

Vocabulary (1/2) - Your vocabulary was basic, there wasn't a big variety in word choices. 
Syntax (0/2) - A lot of your sentences were awkwardly worded and choppy, most of them weren't a smooth read.

Tense Collisions (0/2) - A lot of times you would switch tense. At one moment it would be present tense, then the next would be past. What makes it worse, is that sometimes it would be in the same sentence.

    taste of story (5)

personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 3/5
influence of flow and grammar » 2/4

length of your story » 0/1

Personal Enjoyment of Plot and Characters (3/5) - There was nothing to get attached to, you didn't make me yearn for the characters to end up together. I didn't feel any emotional feelings towards either one of the characters. Also the plot was basic, it wasn't creative, it was just plain and simple.

Influence and Flow of Grammar (2/4) - Your grammar was really bad, I think you should ask editors for help before you post your stories. You used many words at the wrong time and placed them in the total wrong order. 

Length of Your Story (0/1) - I am a fan of short stories because I can't focus on things for too long, especially if I'm having trouble getting into it, however, I feel your story needed to be longer. If it were longer I think you would've been able to give the characters depth, and therefore give the story justice.

total score (65/100)

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