{Catch Me If You Can by sushi-mushi}

Story Title (5/5)

It's appealing, it's eye catching, and the correlation is all too obvious. It creates a sense of curiousity and I would have definitely clicked on your story if I were browsing for stories.

Graphics (3.5/5)

To me, I'd say the poster is too bright for a story. There should be a vague picture of a track somehwere, to put forward the idea of how Sehun and Luhan got together in the first place. I really like the font of "If you can", and the quote sparked an interest to me; it's a simple and nice poster.

Description and Foreword (8.5/10)

It's engaging and definitely drew me in. Two things; one, "Sehun couldn't help but stare..." that content belongs in the foreword as it acts as the opening of the story. Two, there shouldn't be a semi colon after Luhan, it should be a comma. If you're not sure whether to put a semi colon or not, just think of the two sentences you are joining up; are they two sentences that can stand alone? If you separate the two sentences in you description and make them stand by itself, will it make sense?

"As if he could feel the heated stare being directed at his , Luhan."

"Track star of SM High turned and smirked, slowly sauntering over to where Sehun was hunched over."

Do you get what I mean now?

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (18/20)

The overall introduction of the characters were find. However, I find it to be quite peculiar for Luhan to just offer himself over to an average school boy. Does he actually crush on Sehun, is he just finding entertainment, does he just want ual release? Sehun... well I don't know what to say. Is it normal for boys to push themselves into doing things for ? There wasn't really a character I particularly liked, and aside from Luhan's perplexing personality, your characters are fine.

Originality (10/10)

I definitely have not read anything as close to your storyline. Making a deal with the main character to beat a track star in a running event, it's quite original if you ask me. Especially when neither of them really bottoms during the intimate part.

Flow (3/5)

I know it's a one shot, but everything was rushed. The "offering" came all too abruptly, and so did the scene. Throughout most of your story, I was thinking "whoa okay, he's going to train already? okay. whoa okay it's happening already okay." I wasn't really into the story because everything was happening too fast for me to process it thoroughly. I guess it takes experience and a bit of talent to smoothly write a one-shot without everything being rushed and leaving the reader behind.

Conflict twists (7/10)

I don't see a dominant plot twist, as I kinda knew that Sehun would beat Luhan. Not all short stories have a conflict twist, so it's totally fine, though I can't really give you full marks.

Content Descriptiveness (5/10)

I don't know if you have realised it or not, but I didn't find description of the setting anywhere. You only stated the setting, "Finally the day of the race arrived." , "slamming his locker shut as the two then make their way to the cafeteria." What was the atmosphere of the race like, was the cafeteria noisy, stuffy, hot? You also didn't describe much of Sehun's feelings, "After the first practice, his whole entire body is sore and he can barely walk the next day." How was he feeling sore, what exactly was he going through? It's nice to have some similes, metaphors or personifcations to bring up the description. The only evidence of description you gave in the story was in the intimate scene.

Grammar (14.5/15)

You grammar is exemplary. The only major problem is that you switched from present, to past tense. It's very hard to stay in present as even when we talk, we speak in past tense (well, usually) so unless you're up for the challenge, I advise you to stick with present. 

Digits should not be used unless stating the time, date, or some sort of code.

Quote: All they really did was 200 meter intervals.

Correction: All they really did was two hundred meter intervals.

Quote: "The second practice will be better!" the coaches encouraged

Correction: "The second practice will be better!" the coaches encourage

Typographical mistakes:

Dissapointing - Disappointing

Frusteration - Frustration

Guttoral - Guttural

I am very impressed with your grammar. There are a few punctual mistakes that could be easily fixed with a quick read over, and because of the past/present tense problem, you should edit it again, but it's a one shot - it's been completed ages ago - so unless you want it featured or something, I wouldn't touch it (because I'm a lazy person).

Taste of the Story (4/10)

To be honest, I've read quite a few (not alot, maybe around ten?) and most of them were just... boring to the point where I was disgusted. Some were like "okay they kissed, then they gave each other s, then they had , then they cummed in pleasure, the end." Yours wasn't like that, but it wasn't that good either. Most of the I've read were, not that great, and so I've become a little numb to it all. So I wasn't feeling anything, but I do think that you might have made your readers gone crazy, and I do think it's impressive for a first time attempt. As I said before, your flow wasn't all that great and I found everything too rushed, so I didn't particularly take a liking in your story. I did like how you ended it together, I liked the teasing atmosphere you gave.

Score: 78.5/100

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