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Make The Right Choi!
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Girl likes boy, boy likes girls sister. Boys friend likes girl girl used to like boys friend.
>> reviewed by chubbybaek
Title (4/5)
The title is kinda confusing at first, but when I started reading the description, I finally understood why it was 'Choi' instead of 'Choice'. It is pretty unique, which is a good thing because most readers prefer cool and unique like yours to a very simple and plain one. Cool.
Graphics (5/5)
I mostly love the poster, like seriously. The colors come together well enough, but Kris' face is a bit weird. That one doesn't really match with the rest (Chanyeol, Soo Bin and Soo Mi), another picture of him will be good. Also, it's great that you differentiate Soo Bin and Soo Mi in the poster, it got me all excited just looking at it. For people who judge a book by its cover, you nailed it!
Description and Foreword: (7/10)
I like how you compare about Soo Bin and Soo Min shortly, fully and clearly. It isn't very long, it is average and clear. But unfortunately, your description kinda lacks of attraction. It doesn't really catch people's attention and honestly, 'About the Story' is not necessary to be written. That is what a description does, to tell us shortly about a story. The font's color is what bothers me. I think it's too bright and too unattractive? Try pastel colors, they'll look good.
Story Layout: (2/5)
The chapter layout is simply simple. What irks me the most is the paragraphs. Why are the paragraphs so messy? I mean, why are some of them on the very left and the others a little righter? It is confusing and annoying. I really wish you could change that.
Plot: (28/30)
A fiction about twins is not very common and I must say that your idea is really brilliant. Although there are few stories similar to yours, like twin sisters with different styles and attitudes love the same boy, I am amazed that you could actually come up with this amazing yet complicated idea. I love how you made both Soo Bin and Soo Mi complete opposites. I also love the cliffhanger you gave in the last chapter. You managed to pull it off, by making your readers curious and excited for the next chapter. Lastly, since there are still five chapters, I can't tell so much about how I feel about your story. But, I'm hoping for some plot twists!
Characterization: (4/10)
The way you introduced the characters in the description is way too simple. But anyway, it's such a relief that you characterize them little by little and it's a good thing because it's like we're getting to know someone in real life slowly. Aside from all of that, you need to slip in a proper introduction for the characters. At first, I really thought this was about a cliché high-school romance before proceeding to read the chapters. It was totally out ot my expectation.
Content Description (9/10)
I don't have any troubles in portraying the scenes and settings. The words you used to render the story are great, they literally helped readers to imagine the whole story easier. Also, thanks to the poster, it kinda gave some hints for where the story actually takes place. Keep that up.
Flow: (4/5)
As said, there are still five chapters, I'm not sure whether it's rushed or not. But I see you take things slowly because you explained what happened between Soo Bin and Kris bit by bit.
Grammar: (8/10)
There weren't many grammatical errors, only some basic typos and mistakes here and there. What you need to know is that you should put comma before explaining other things like:
I: Soo Bin a rather plain and quirky girl has always been overshadowed by her twin sister Soo Mi.
C: Soo Bin, a rather plain and quirky girl, has always been overshadowed by her twin sister Soo Mi.
I: They were split apart as babies forcing the twins to live completely different lives.
C: They were split apart as babies, forcing the twins to live completely different lives.
I: Soo Bin is left with no one, but thanks to the strange (and attractive) new ally Soo Bin decides to do her best and take Chanyeol back.
Soo Bin is left with no one, but thanks to the strange (and attractive) new ally, Soo Bin decides to do her best and take Chanyeol back.
There were quite a lot of those kinds of mistakes and it somehow confused me. And there's:
I: "No, no, god, no!"
C: "No, no, God, no!"
I: ...as she threw her cell phone on to the sofa and paced the room in nervous circles.
C: ..as she threw her cell phone on the sofa and paced around the room with nervous circles.
'on' is a preposition and it always shows a place, so 'to' is not necessary anymore. It felt weird to combine it with 'on'.
There's more and I hope you could check it, especially the commas. You need them if you want to explain another action.
Taste of the Story: (8/10)
Your story may not seem the best, but I enjoyed reading it. I don't exactly dislike it, and to be honest, your story has a really great plot. Though it's pretty much cliché and people sure will find it boring too, but with the unique title and awesome poster, it will gain interest from some people. And lastly, I really hope Soo Bin will end up with Kris because waiting for someone like Chanyeol is useless. It's like he's taking some advantages from her and I felt sorry for Soo Bin. Overall, great job author-nim!
TOTAL: (79/100)
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