11 Lives
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11 lives
Everyday Kai wakes up in different places, in different times. Each day he starts a new life and once his twenty four hours are up. He disappears. It's been like this for the past 99 years 11 months and 20 days. 11 more days... till Kai finds the last life he'll lead and the answer he's been wanting for the past decades.
reviewed by: exoexoexolellel
Title (4.5/5)
The title is quite self-explanatory, it reveals pretty much what the storyline is, but not the content itself. Acknowledging the fact that Kai has eleven more lives to live out just by connecting the Description with the Title drives the appeal of the story to its maximum. Essentially, this is what all authors need to look for in a title. Aesthetically, the title should attract many readers, except possibly readers like me who are irritated by the lack of formality as seen in the "11". Digits should only be used when stating the time or if it's some part of a code.
Graphics (5/5)
I'm sure everyone is visibly attracted to graphics that have animation, and in this case, the use of it is very effective. The title is clearly visible, with it being the brightest colour of the poster, speaking of which, everything seems to be quite dull and of a very bland hue. The smoke around Kai can easily be perceived as the confusion of the fate Kai constantly is confronted with, his subconscious ability to time travel (though we can't really say ability since he can't control it...). I see the edges of a global map behind the mist - very correlative. All in all your graphics are very presentable and the use of hues greatly represent the angsty vibe embedded into the story's content; nothing is out of place and uncalled for.
One thing to point out is the placing of the poster, most stories around here on AFF use their main fanfiction poster as their cover photo rather than putting it in the Description and Foreword.
Description and Foreword: (9/10)
The Description is very appropriate as it presents an engaging insight to the story. What I would suggest would make it more captivating, is to use the dialogue extract that you have put in the Foreword to put it before the current description, instead of after it. It would create more of an impact to have read the sneak peek before a given blurb of the fanfiction. The dialogue extract should belong to the Description section anyhow. The Foreword usually contains the author's notes, credits, background information and things like that.
Story Layout: (2.5/5)
There a few things to discuss in this category.
Firstly, the breaks in between paragraphs and dialogue are all over the place. Characters' run-on dialogues should be kept in the same paragraph, because if you start a new line with a new sentence of that same characters', readers (who are familiar with the structuring of stories) may mistake it to be another characters' part. Frankly, that is how you differ the dialogue from two or more characters, especially if authors leave out the action verb (said, laughed, smiled, etc) for effect. Sometimes you do it right, but in many cases, everything is split apart and I got confused with whom was talking.
Secondly, you should widen the divisions between time leaps, just so it makes it easier for the readers to infer that time has passed and you are starting a new scene. You don't have to take this suggestion, it's just my opinion.
Lastly, the font size and possibly the font (67% sure) changes upon your most recent chapter - Chapter 5. It's always good to keep your layout tidy and recurrent.
Plot: (20/30)
There are an abundant amount of stories based on time travel, especially those featuring Kai - which EXO-L wouldn't link time travel to Kai? If you are looking for a second opinion on originality, then I'm sorry to say that I have no idea just how cliche this storyline is, since I haven't spent a lot of time specifically hunting for time travel fanfictions here on AFF. However, I think whether a plot is considered cliche or not is almost completely futile when reflecting on a story, because millions and millions of storylines have been created there really is no space for originality anymore. So if you're bothered by this, don't be. What readers should be focusing on, is whether the plot has a solid and interesting storyline. In this case, I think 11 Lives is very well worthy of that aspect. Counting down the lives of Kai is definitely enrapturing, and I'd love to read more of it. Though limiting Kai's time to twenty-four hours each location isn't particularly creative, it's a stable foundation for a story to form, and with the use of location and different eras, each chapter really sparks 11 Lives to life. If you're going to continuously kill a character each chapter, whether it be an idol or not, you should really tag your story as 'angst', just to warn the readers. And hey, you promised your readers a happier chapter in one of your author's note...
Albeit the story isn't particularly short at this stage, it's still just an introduction to Kai's lives and we haven't reached the yet, so I cannot award full points in this category.
Characterization: (10/10)
The only character I can discuss in depth here is really Kai, since the others just whiz by. As expected, he endures his lives emotionally stable from all the incidents he has confronted. I almost said 'unemotional' lol but he it is quite clear Kai is a very empathetic character despite all the deaths he possibly has witnessed in the previous lives the readers are not told of. It makes me wonder whether he can still be able to feel any compassion at all for the dying characters considering that he has lived... a lot of days. Sorry I'm not a mathematics' fan. As for the rest of the characters, namely the EXO idols, it seems that they are all very friendly, kind-hearted if you will, in their worlds. No sign of hostility - will this change in future chapters?
Content Description (4/10)
Your introduction to each location is quite vague, describing the littlest of details rather than the broader. And when you mention the broader to set the scene, other details are missing. Take Chapter Three for example: snow is mentioned, as well as a village. He walks towards a house; Christmas decorations are up. What does the house look like? Is it nighttime? What about what Kai is wearing? Does he feel cold in that weather? Specific and more obvious details are left untouched which makes settings quite obscure, and perhaps, these details need to be revealed more importantly in this story since settings are switched respectively in each chapter.
On the other side, the compassionate descriptions of Kai's emotions are not left out, which really reigns in the readers' emapthetic experience. Kai's humane reactions are evoked from the consecutive deaths set in each chapter, and this in turn influences the response from your readers.
Flow: (5/5)
How can I even talk about the flow in this sense LOL. Well, it's not like much can be conflicted here, considering that Kai lives out a day in each chapter, as well as the complete change of location and situation taken into consideration. Time can't exactly be outplayed here, and there's possibly no literal way you can cause the flow of 11 Lives to be disrupted (irony!!) and criticising-worthy.
How can I even talk about the flow in this sense LOL. Well, it's not like much can be conflicted here, considering that Kai lives out a day in each chapter, as well as the complete change of location and situation taken into consideration. Time can't exactly be outplayed here, and there's possibly no literal way you can cause the flow of 11 Lives to be disrupted (irony!!) and criticising-worthy.
Grammar: (10/10)
I'm quite surprised that the story is written in such an exemplary way, with the fact that English isn't your first language. I hardly found any mistakes in the few chapters publicised - in fact, I don't think I have come across even one. This is very satisfying for a reader like me who considers herself half of a Grammar Nazi.
I'm quite surprised that the story is written in such an exemplary way, with the fact that English isn't your first language. I hardly found any mistakes in the few chapters publicised - in fact, I don't think I have come across even one. This is very satisfying for a reader like me who considers herself half of a Grammar Nazi.
Taste of the Story: (10/10)
This is definitely my type of fanfiction. I like the occasional reads of adventure, fantasy and supernatural. It seems like all I read these days are romance mingled with either fluff or angst or both. Especially since 11 Lives features my number one bias of all time (maybe 0.5 because j-hope from bts is also my secret love). Although the score in Plot is relatively low, I am able to review 11 Lives in just a few hours, reading included, and I haven't reviewed a request this fast in a long long time. I am conflicted here though, as I was quite sad to see so few chapters since I love the upcoming characters and the significant difference between their worlds. I will be keeping my tabs on this story, and wish you the best in finishing 11 Lives. I agree that using actual historic events such as the war truce (I learnt that one in History this year!!! I know of it!!! I'm not a noob there!!!) is an enormous inspiration, and give you my hope that you will soon be back at writing up more chapters. As an author myself, of a failing fic where I haven't updated in ages, I completely understand the lack of motivation when it comes to writing. I think I've managed to pull around three unwarned hiatuses; my readers pretty much are fed up with me and my batch of lying promises xD.
This is definitely my type of fanfiction. I like the occasional reads of adventure, fantasy and supernatural. It seems like all I read these days are romance mingled with either fluff or angst or both. Especially since 11 Lives features my number one bias of all time (maybe 0.5 because j-hope from bts is also my secret love). Although the score in Plot is relatively low, I am able to review 11 Lives in just a few hours, reading included, and I haven't reviewed a request this fast in a long long time. I am conflicted here though, as I was quite sad to see so few chapters since I love the upcoming characters and the significant difference between their worlds. I will be keeping my tabs on this story, and wish you the best in finishing 11 Lives. I agree that using actual historic events such as the war truce (I learnt that one in History this year!!! I know of it!!! I'm not a noob there!!!) is an enormous inspiration, and give you my hope that you will soon be back at writing up more chapters. As an author myself, of a failing fic where I haven't updated in ages, I completely understand the lack of motivation when it comes to writing. I think I've managed to pull around three unwarned hiatuses; my readers pretty much are fed up with me and my batch of lying promises xD.
11 Lives is such a nice read, I really enjoyed it! I will be patiently awaiting updates!
TOTAL: (80/100)
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