{kiss me, kill me (one last time) by General}

Story Title (4.5/5)

Ok. The first time I saw this title, I immediately thought of P!nk's Blow Me (One Last Kiss). However, your title seemed artistic to me and it made me feel as if the story was definitely going to be amazing. I liked how you added (one last time) at the ending. It also had revelance to the story and I would click on it if I were scrolling through a list of titles.

Graphics (5/5)

The graphic was d a e b a k. The hq-ness of it drew me in and the kind of sorrowful and solemn expressions on both Luhan and Kris's face matched with the story. It was crafted beautifully and it gave out a angsty feel, which was probably what you were trying to capture. 

Description and Foreword (7/10)

The description was very short, but I like short descriptions. The first time I read through it, I was a little confused. Why 'for the final ending?'? But as I analyzed it, you're probably trying to make a oxymoron, right? Because 'a bed of lies and sweet words' couldn't possibly be good for an ending. So it made me curious... why would it be good for the ending? Your description definitely intrigued me even though it confused me at the starting.

Also, I thought that maybe 'sweet nothings' would flow better with the sentence. It's just my opinion, though!

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (19/20)

Kris is such a confusing and confused person. He realizes his own feelings yet he wants to stop it- for what I don't know. Maybe because of the fact that he has to go away for six months or more? Well, if I were in his place, I would've just caved in to my feelings instead. Kris seems like a uncaring person that doesn't care about Luhan much. Because smoking and not talking if he was required to... Well. But I guess it's kinda broody and charming at the same time.

Luhan... Luhan seemed like such a strong yet fragile person all at the same time. He was strong enough to hold back his feelings for Kris because he knew it was for the best, but yet he seemed so fragile as if a word from Kris would've broken him. Luhan's character was beautiful and attractive and since more of the POV's were dedicated to his thoughts, I understood Luhan better and sympathised him. I can imagine just how hard it is to love someone who probably won't love you back.

Originality (7/10)

It was quite original to me. I don't read a lot of stories, so I have never encountered a story whereby two guys were friends with benefits. It was definitely something new even though it might or might not be common on asianfanfics. However, it was kind of expected that they would fall for each other. Friends with benefits always do- and the title is just a title. 

Flow (4/5)

I really liked how you split the stories into different POV's with them changing so frequently. It wasn't confusing because of how you used italic words for Luhan's POV and non-italic words for Kris's POV. It gave me an insight on both the character's feelings and thoughts and to really be able to understand a story like this, I think that was definitely crucial. The story jumps from one time to another but surprisingly while many other stories like this will be confusing, yours wasn't. Your flow was steady and good and definitely not confusing. It wasn't choppy or anything, so I could read the sentences with ease. The thoughts and speeches also matched and flowed well with the situation. However, some of the speeches sounded rather unrealistic to me; as in it sounded as if nobody would've said that out loud. For example:

"Because it’s the best to stop it before it gets too deep… before the feelings came in the main picture."

I don't think that anyone would really say 'before feelings come into the main picture.' out loud... It just sounds unnatural and I've never heard anyone say something of the like. Perhaps 'before we start feeling something for each other' would be better and more realistic.

Conflict twists (8/10)

The part where Kris said he had to leave, I didn't expect. I thought that Kris would just break their 'friends-with-benefits' relationship off instead of actually and seriously going away for such a long period of time. It made me extremely curious as of why Kris couldn't stay even if he wanted to. Why? Where was he going? What was stopping him? I thought that if you explored on that subject and let the readers see a glimpse of where he was heading to, it would be interesting. But of course, a little mystery is always fun and good.

Content Descriptiveness (8/10)

I really liked the way you described your content! You make examples that sound so poetic and nice, like:

'Luhan’s body was like a burning fire that Yifan wanted to tame.'

It was well, descriptive and I got more knowledge of how Yifan really wanted Luhan. You also used a lot of vocabulary which describes the scenes and events well and spices up the sentence altogether, so that was definitely good as well. You described and elaborated on their thoughts and feelings and it was interesting to read- your writing didn't let my attention wander or me get bored. Good job.

Grammar (10/15)

There were a few grammar mistakes and missing words here and there, but I doubt people would spot it easily. Because I'm a grammar nazi, I guess I'm just more prone to looking out for grammar mistakes so I spotted these:

'the rain was holding him locked in his apartment, reminding him of all the work that has to be done.'

C: 'the rain was holding him in his apartment, reminding him of all the work that had to be done.'

'but it made hole bigger and bigger with every new thought about Yifan.'

C: 'but it made the hole in his heart bigger and bigger with every new thought about Yifan.'

'No matter how much he fought, flame died and the enigmatic smoke replaced it.'

C: 'No matter how much he fought, the flame died and the enigmatic (why enigmatic, though? how was the flame hard to understand or mysterious?) smoke replaced it.'

'Because it’s the best to stop it before it gets too deep… before the feelings came in the main picture.'

C: 'Because it's the best to stop it before it gets too deep... before the feelings come into the main picture.' 

'He doesn’t want to smile, but it was just too funny, because it was too late for him; main picture changed for him long time ago, unnoticeable.'

C: 'He didn't want to smile, but it was just too funny, because it was too late for him: the main picture had changed for him a long time ago.'

'They were waiting the moment when some of them would move completely, someone to escape their shared embrace and disappear.' 

C: 'They were awaiting the moment where one of them would move, for someone to escape their shared embrace and disappear.'

There are a couple more mistakes but they aren't too big, so I reckon you will be able to correct them if you looked through your work again. 

Taste of the Story (8/10)

I liked the way the story was written... it struck me as poetic. Even though the plot was a little confusing for me to grasp at the starting, slowly yet definitely the plot became clear to me. The feelings and actions are well described and they drew me in. Good job!

Score: 80.5/100

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