Good Enough: For Love
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good enough: for love
For Eunhyuk, Donghae has always been the most important thing in his life. And if Donghae wanted his freedom then it was an option he would gladly take. With the support of Heechul -his best friend- he will succeed, or bound to regret.
REVIEWED BY: EXOEXOEXOLELLEL
Title (3/5)
With the title itself, I think it's quite satisfying to the eye, though it should be grammatically written 'Good Enough: For Love'. It would probably attract readers if they were to be scrolling through a list of fanfictions; sparks the curiousity with the colon (:). At this point, having read five of your promised six chapters, I cannot see any correlation between the title and the story, and I hope you manage to reveal the connection in the last chapter.
With the title itself, I think it's quite satisfying to the eye, though it should be grammatically written 'Good Enough: For Love'. It would probably attract readers if they were to be scrolling through a list of fanfictions; sparks the curiousity with the colon (:). At this point, having read five of your promised six chapters, I cannot see any correlation between the title and the story, and I hope you manage to reveal the connection in the last chapter.
Graphics (1/5)
For a start, the title should be bigger, especially since the background is white as well. I'm pretty sure I'm looking down at boats from under Eunhyuk and Donghae, however, they shouldn't be there? I'm a little too neat-picky when it comes to graphics as I believe every aspect of the poster should symbolise something from the story. This being said, I think the direction of the gazes from Eunhyuk and Donghae should be switched around: Eunhyuk to be looking directly to the reader to show his powerful, unrelenting love for Donghae whereas the younger man glancing to the side to hide his implied emotions and negliglence for Eunhyuk. But then again, I might be missing out on something here.
For a start, the title should be bigger, especially since the background is white as well. I'm pretty sure I'm looking down at boats from under Eunhyuk and Donghae, however, they shouldn't be there? I'm a little too neat-picky when it comes to graphics as I believe every aspect of the poster should symbolise something from the story. This being said, I think the direction of the gazes from Eunhyuk and Donghae should be switched around: Eunhyuk to be looking directly to the reader to show his powerful, unrelenting love for Donghae whereas the younger man glancing to the side to hide his implied emotions and negliglence for Eunhyuk. But then again, I might be missing out on something here.
I'm always thrown off by how graphic designers add movie credits to the bottom of the poster; AFF is dedicated to fanfictions and users are usually here to read, not to watch, therefore random credits shouldn't be seen here. Albeit, I understand it's all for aesthetic purposes.
I wonder why the poster gives off a very pure atmosphere with all the light hues when love is played and tossed around in the story.
Description and Foreword: (8.5/10)
The description is very intriguing; it grabs the readers' attention and draws them in. The use of ellipsis with the last four sentences is very dramatic, which is what you should be looking for. I suggest ending "And the truth could be revealed" with a period rather than another ellipsis, as a period would create the stopping motion inside the readers' head, and make them say 'damn', because I definitely did. If you're not sure what I mean, I have shown it below, and also corrected grammatical errors:
The description is very intriguing; it grabs the readers' attention and draws them in. The use of ellipsis with the last four sentences is very dramatic, which is what you should be looking for. I suggest ending "And the truth could be revealed" with a period rather than another ellipsis, as a period would create the stopping motion inside the readers' head, and make them say 'damn', because I definitely did. If you're not sure what I mean, I have shown it below, and also corrected grammatical errors:
During these complicated weeks of which the divorce has been set, anything could happen:
An affair could be discovered...
Love opportunities could be offered....
Friendships could be destroyed...
And the truth could be revealed.
I disagree with the positioning of this certain passage. The sentences you've provided in the Foreword still gives an insight to the story and acts as a brief synopsis therefore it belongs in the Description. Here, I am referring to everything above "Note: This story will be 6 chapters long".
"20 years of marriage is a long time to think if your partner deserves you or if its time to move on" is an excellent way to draw the readers' attention, but the Foreword is for the author's personal space whereas story content belongs in the Description, so readers who know better would think that the blurb of the fanfiction has finished when they see 'Foreword'. Therefore, we need to keep that attention, and what you give us in the Foreword is the perfect weapon. We just need to move it up into the Description. I'd also like to correct you that any number over ten should not be in numerical form, formally speaking.
Story Layout: (4/5)
The positioning of paragraphs and dialogue is fine, but there is one thing I'd like to point out. This only appears occasionally, and that's when you merge a character's dialogue with another, when they should be separated. Here's an example from Chapter 1, and the correction (as well as grammatical checks):
The positioning of paragraphs and dialogue is fine, but there is one thing I'd like to point out. This only appears occasionally, and that's when you merge a character's dialogue with another, when they should be separated. Here's an example from Chapter 1, and the correction (as well as grammatical checks):
Before he could think further the restroom door opens."What are you doing?" a cold voice said, startling Eunhyuk who almost released the bottle. He placed it back trying to look as if he was stretching.
"U-uh, nothing.... Ready for your breakfast, darling?" He smiled awkwardly to Donghae as he hid his hands behind his back like a five year old getting caught by his parents stealing from the cookie jar.
Plot: (10/30)
It's cliche to say any fanfiction, or novel, falling under the genre of Romance, is cliche. Pretty much every idea thought of will be re-used over and over by professional or amateur writers. There are just so many combinations, so technically, it would be highly subjective for anyone to decide whether a storyline is considered original or not. Good Enough: For Love has its perks, but I don't feel that there is a drive to it. It's interesting to see everyone's connection unfold, but if I'm talking honest, I'd say that the adding of minor characters' issues, for example, Heechul and Aki's, is all a distraction to hide the fact that Eunkhyuk and Donghae's relationship is simply complicated. The usual affair type of relationship.
It's cliche to say any fanfiction, or novel, falling under the genre of Romance, is cliche. Pretty much every idea thought of will be re-used over and over by professional or amateur writers. There are just so many combinations, so technically, it would be highly subjective for anyone to decide whether a storyline is considered original or not. Good Enough: For Love has its perks, but I don't feel that there is a drive to it. It's interesting to see everyone's connection unfold, but if I'm talking honest, I'd say that the adding of minor characters' issues, for example, Heechul and Aki's, is all a distraction to hide the fact that Eunkhyuk and Donghae's relationship is simply complicated. The usual affair type of relationship.
It's quite difficult to name the plot of your story. Is it about Eunhyuk chasing Donghae whom does not return the affection, or is it about Eunhyuk's reaction to Donghae's affair with Siwon that affects the course of the relationship, or is it something to do with Eunkhyuk appearing in hospital? This unknown answer is a significant side effect of the many happenings you've placed in the story.
Talking about the many happenings, there's way too many. Each chapter holds more than one issue, unrelated or related, and those that you haven't solved yet, will not be able to be resolved believably in your remaining chapter. It's a short story: unless you are sure that you can resolve every problem in the most suitable, well-planned manner, one or two complications is enough. It's not healthy for Good Enough: For Love to hold so many problems in just 5 chapters alone.
Good Enough: For Love is a little monotonous, but since you are nearing the end of the short story, plus the hospital-incident, there's not really much you can do to spice everything up, unless you have an extremely well thought-out ending planned.
Characterization: (10/10)
The characters are very well introduced and developed. We can see from the start that Eunkhyuk is fully devoted to his partner, and see the change in him when reality finally hits him. It is obvious to the readers that in the beginning, Donghae has no romantic interest in Eunhyuk, but that this changes from the third chapter. Heechul seems to have the same strong supportive character since their teenage years, and Siwon and Aki have their own sly and manipulative personalities. Every character is flawed; just the way they should be. Every action and thought from characters of both major and minor, create the direction of the story. Great job for this category :).
The characters are very well introduced and developed. We can see from the start that Eunkhyuk is fully devoted to his partner, and see the change in him when reality finally hits him. It is obvious to the readers that in the beginning, Donghae has no romantic interest in Eunhyuk, but that this changes from the third chapter. Heechul seems to have the same strong supportive character since their teenage years, and Siwon and Aki have their own sly and manipulative personalities. Every character is flawed; just the way they should be. Every action and thought from characters of both major and minor, create the direction of the story. Great job for this category :).
Content Description (3/10)
This category is very important. There are multiple times of which your description drags on and on and on. I will give you an example in a later category, so I suggest skipping this for now, and when you get to the link I provide you, come back here and read this in depth.
This category is very important. There are multiple times of which your description drags on and on and on. I will give you an example in a later category, so I suggest skipping this for now, and when you get to the link I provide you, come back here and read this in depth.
There is no need to explain a simple scene in so much detail. Taking your example in the analysis, the whole paragraph of which you describe Eunhyuk preparing breakfast can be stated in one sentence alone. In advanced storytelling, such thing as missing the description and just stating the outcome of it (for example, the ready-made pancakes and fish fingers) exists. You don't have to tell the readers the exact decisions and actions characters make at a precise time. This also heavily affects the interest of the readers. Preparing breakfast is, or should be, part of a routine everyone carries out. It's nothing special, we don't really need to know the details of it all. You may find the audience skipping the lines. I'm not saying that it's unimportant to show that Eunhyuk is showing his love for Donghae through the preparation of the breakfast, it's just simply the unnecessity of the specifics.
In the same example, you've butchered the word 'he'. I've shoved in many replacements, and I suggest you follow suit for the rest of the story. Some of your sentences are short, so it's more obvious to us to see the overuse of 'he'. To make it easier to see my point, let me cut it down with ellipsis':
He did this. . . He did that. . . He laughed, he played, he cried, he yelled, he smiled.
Also, it's a little strange to see that the only part of the story that you've spent the most effort being descriptive about, is when Eunhyuk is preparing breakfast for Donghae. Nothing else shares the same amount of description.
Flow: (0/5)
This category is where Good Enough: For Love lacks the most. The pace of which it is set is way too fast. Adding onto the point of plotting too many complications, if you really wanted to include every problem, six chapters is too less of a number. Having so many problems all needing to be solved is the main reason why Good Enough: For Love struggles with a maintained, steady flow, but there is also the fact that you, as the author, need to be aware of just how rapid you are unfolding the story. First, it's Eunkhyuk buying groceries, then it's divorce papers ordered by Eunhyuk, then it's the beginning of Eunhyuk occupying Donghae's mind - it's all a blur. You need to slow it down, even if you plan to make it a short story which again, means you need to cut down the number of complications.
This category is where Good Enough: For Love lacks the most. The pace of which it is set is way too fast. Adding onto the point of plotting too many complications, if you really wanted to include every problem, six chapters is too less of a number. Having so many problems all needing to be solved is the main reason why Good Enough: For Love struggles with a maintained, steady flow, but there is also the fact that you, as the author, need to be aware of just how rapid you are unfolding the story. First, it's Eunkhyuk buying groceries, then it's divorce papers ordered by Eunhyuk, then it's the beginning of Eunhyuk occupying Donghae's mind - it's all a blur. You need to slow it down, even if you plan to make it a short story which again, means you need to cut down the number of complications.
Grammar: (4/10)
Your grammar is quite standard for a person whose English is their second language. There is, however, a strong problem with the present and past tense words. As you have written the story in past tense, words should be in the past tense form.
Your grammar is quite standard for a person whose English is their second language. There is, however, a strong problem with the present and past tense words. As you have written the story in past tense, words should be in the past tense form.
Though this is advanced, I'd still like you to know about the tag-verb agreement. If you put a tag-verb (he laughed, she asked, they said) after a character's speech then a comma must be put before the ending quotation mark and the first letter of the first word should be in lower case. However, if you put an action sentence after a character's dialogue then a period must replace the comma and the first letter of the first word should be in upper case.
Courtesy of your story for not having the highlighting restriction, I have cut out the first chunk of your first chapter, and corrected all the flaws I picked out. Problems mentioned above will hopefully be clear when you take a look at the link below. Note that many sentences could be worded better, but I did my best to not alter the sentences too much. Everyone has their own style of writing, plus the fact that because English is my first language, any advanced correction I make will be a lot more different to your initial sentences, which reflects you as an author.
Please let me know if there is anything that you are unsure of:
Taste of the Story: (3/10)
I have no problem against the gay, but I've never really gone for the /yuri content, since I've always been reading straight novels from the age of ten. This of course affects my enjoyment of a /yuri story. Also, I've mistakenly taken Good Enough: For Love into my hands when I've stated in the shop's Foreword that I will be avoiding -related stories. Fortunately, it wasn't that intimate, but I'd like to apologise for a one mark deduction because the aspect of hinted ual content disorientated my enjoyment of the story.
I have no problem against the gay, but I've never really gone for the /yuri content, since I've always been reading straight novels from the age of ten. This of course affects my enjoyment of a /yuri story. Also, I've mistakenly taken Good Enough: For Love into my hands when I've stated in the shop's Foreword that I will be avoiding -related stories. Fortunately, it wasn't that intimate, but I'd like to apologise for a one mark deduction because the aspect of hinted ual content disorientated my enjoyment of the story.
Good Enough: For Love's flow was really damaging my ability to comprehend the story, so I suggest you pay more attention to your future/current stories' pace. The abundant amount of complications also made it difficult for me to engage into the plot.
Good luck with the sixth chapter, and happy writing!
TOTAL: (46.5/100)
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