The Beauties, The Beasts
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reviewed by exoexoexolellel
the request.
AUTHOR » the_wylde
STORY status » Completed
chapters reviewed » 8
genres » Mystery, historical
description » Detective Oh Sehun meets four beautiful ladies during the time he invests himself in the case of Kim Junmyeon's sudden death. When they point at each other as the prime suspects, Sehun is left in a hefty confusion that keeps twisting itself more and more each passing day. Yet Sehun is adamant to go to the ends of this case, too oblivious to the fact that he is messing with the wrong people.
" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself."
" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "
title (3.5)
appeal » 2/2
correlation » 1/2
CLARITY » 0.5/1
On first impression the title is very appealing with potential allusion to a popular Disney's tale. The 'beauties' in particular is very relevant with the descriptive manner you portray your female characters in the story. It's effective to have the audience clueless about what or who 'the beauties' are and then for it to all fall in place as the story unravels. The 'beasts' however, I'm not quite sure of the correlation. Could it be a vague connection to the horrendous nature of men that our female characters despise? Or something else? Clear relevance with the 'beasts' component would seal the deal in my subjective view. On another note, I like the repetition of 'the' as it gives the title a nice ring despite such a common word. Would definitely click into your fanfiction if it appeared within a list of stories. Overall and in consideration of the storyline, I think you did a great job with the title.
graphics (5)
APPEAL OF THE poster » 2/2
correlation to the story » 2/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 1/1
The poster is very alluring with the five female characters arranged neatly around our main narrator. The sizing of the images add depth to the poster and is situated in a place so that it comes out strongly to the viewer but not overbearingly so. Great relevance with the magnifying glass and spolice tapes as clues to the context of the plot. This goes the same for the newspaper articles appearing in the background, blended aesthetically well with the grainy pattern. Extra thumbs up for the blending of the blood droplets where it's easily missed if the viewer isn't looking closely. I also appeal to the grainy film encapsulating the characters, adding to the mysterious element of the fic. Further and of equal importance, the title is very well-placed and presented. It comes out extremely clear and draws enough attention to it, with the magnifying glass adding a correlative dynamic to the overall presentation of the graphics. As you probably can tell, I'm extremely pleased with this category.
description and foreword (10)
APPEAL of the description » 4/4
appropriateness of the description » 4/4
organisation of description and foreword » 2/2
The Description and Foreword is enticing with the neat and consistent style of font and alignment of text. Variations of the size of the font come out quite appealing especially with the default white background on this platform. The Description is a sweet and succinct summary of the plot, written in an effective manner to ensnare the readers and convince them to start reading. You provide enough clues as to the complications Sehun will face whilst taking this investigation but revealing nothing to satiate the viewer's curiousity. All thumbs up here. Introduction of the main characters are also aesthetic with use of gifs and quotations from the chapters, which serve as a reminder of the narrative's mysterious theme. I particularly like how you kept everything consistent to differentiate quotes from the labelling of the characters. I think the font is a smaller for Seulgi, Sehun and Yerim than the first, though I could be wrong.
story layout (4)
consistency of font, font size and divisions » 2.5/3
overall appeal and organisation of chapters » 1.5/2
Generally you keep the presentation of your chapters neat and organised, which I'm quite happy with, but there are a few slip-ups. The gifs of your story's characters preceding each chapter is a cute and appealing way of introducing the next suspect. It may be just for me but I think the gif links are broken in Chapter 6 - mockingbirds and Chapter 7 - predicament. Sometimes this happens when we utilise image links from external websites. It may just be showing up as damaged on my screen though, I'm not sure.
The font size of Chapter 4 - wendy is one size too big, and I recommend fixing that up. There is also an absence of the indents you do at the start of each paragraph in this same chapter. I know this is probably accidental on your part but it's useful to maintain a consistent and organise story layout throughout your chapters. A neat layout can influence reading enjoyment for some viewers. Other than these, the rest of your story layout is fine.
PLOT (30)
APPEAL OF the base storyline » 10/10
the effect of events » 10/10
development of plot » 10/10
The story showcases a range of prevailing ideas which existed in the 1900s and are still relevant today, including women forced into submission physically, emotional and domestically, false appearances, and abusive and unrequited romances. These concepts send a strong message to the readers and prompt them to think about what these notions mean for the story's characters, and perhaps the readers themselves. Effective presentation of these symbols is another matter and yet another aspect you have executed with talent. It is really interesting for your interpretation of these ideas play out under the facade of Sehun's investigation into Junmyeon's death. Use of Sehun's poking around made the revelation of these themes seem natural and meant-to-be, rather than being forcefully portrayed to the readers. It's clear you gave a lot of thought into this process, and your work is highly commendable.
I thought it was an interesting touch to feature withcraft in the storyline. I don't see it as a necessary method to achieve the end result of Junmyeon's fate but you narrated it smoothly so as to portray it as suitable. At first, the fact that most of your characters privy to Seulgi's power simply accepted her supernatural nature and went without question was sitting at the back of my mind, but the way you narrated your story made her fit in so seamlessly that I don't question it anymore. I think the female characters' utmost despise for men overshadows this point, as that is the main focus of the storyline. Something for you to consider though?
The addition of Sehun's pining for Yerim complements the mystery element of the story quite well. This creates the effect that the story is not just about drily finding the killer. It would also satisfy any reader who does look out for romance. The majority of the story prompted despairing frustration for Sehun and Yerim's relationship, as Yerim seemed very locked in with staying with Chanyeol. You didn't let the two romantically unite until the very last section of the story, and this makes it all the more relieving. I'm sure readers who are a er for romance and happy endings would be satisfied.
Regarding development of the plot, there is very clear movement with Sehun's attempt at investigating the circumstances of Junmyeon's death and hints with the female suspects leading him on, ending with the revelation of the murder. Every scene had purpose of contributing to the storyline so that the plot didn't seem stagnant at any point. Excellent linkage between story events and development of the plot. This is great to see as it presents to the audience a thrilling, suspensful and captivating read. I think you did an exemplary job with concocting this narrative and illustrating it in a way to maintain mystery and manipulative elements.
The only question I have left upon reaching the end of your read was Junmyeon's clue for Sehun, being 'she's a witch'. Perhaps I missed this but who exactly was Junmyeon referring to when he left Sehun this clue? Did he absolutely know Seulgi practices withcraft or did he catch wind that Wendy was involved too? Or was he just using the term 'witch' as an insult? This was the only question left unanswered so I'm very happy with the rest of your plot. I very rarely give full marks in this section, but your narrative deserves every point. Well done!
characterisation (10)
development of characters » 5/5
character influence on the story » 5/5
I'm astounded with the planning, preparation and presentation of your characters. Each female character strongly differs from one another but none fail to showcase an enduring and relatable personality, even with the story set in the early 1900s. You made each female character have their own separate issues, all tied to Junmyeon, and each was able to respond or be influenced by Sehun in distinct ways. There was never a moment with any character where I found inconsistencies in their foundation or actions, or found an element or response to be weird and out of place. If it would interest you, the most intriguing traits I find with each character as their own unique person are: Sooyoung's boldness and confidence despite being a victim of physical abuse from her own father; Joohyun's reservation with continual neglect from her husband; Wendy's know-it-all impression despite suffering a somewhat unrequited love for two decades; Seulgi's scheming and willingness to help others; Yerim's adamance in going through with her decisions despite being clearly unhappy; and Sehun's capability to keep an open mind even though he thinks he has a solidified grasp on what or who he knows. In particular, each female maintains her own facade despite fighting internal conflicts, which I think is quite interesting. It's clear that all characters underwent great extents of development, with the girls having history tied to Junmyeon and Sehun's slow revelation that his friend was not the man who he thought he was at all. Character transformation is integral to maintaining reading enjoyment and can be pivotal in pushing along the storyline, which is what I think you have done with 'the beauties, the beasts'. Overall, I think you've done an amazing job with your characters and shaped them well to represent intrinsic concepts prevalent in the early 1900s, and still present today. I'm very impressed with this particular section.
content description (9)
quantity » 4.5/5
quality » 4.5/5
This section I am also quite content with. You give every detail that attention it needs, creating a visual picture to assist the readers in playing out the scenes. Across the board you engage effective visual imagery to introduce new story settings, such as both Sooyoung's and Seulgi's residence. Artful description of the interior and exterior of characters' homes sets the scene in the readers' mind and ensures they are on the same page with your narrator. However, I did notice there is an absence of description with Wendy's workplace. I know this is probably a generic doctor's room but it is still important to describe the setting, even if it is just white walls all around as it's a new location for the readers. We want the reader to stay on the same page as the narrator. I suggest taking a quick second brushing up on that, if it's in your interest. There was also one other location I picked up but forgot to take note of, so sorry it's there but I forgot which scene it was. Other than these I'm very impressed with your attention to detail, particularly with describing the ominous location of the 'pharmacy store' Wendy led Sehun into.
Though this didn't happen throughout the majority of 'the beauties, the beasts', there were some instances where multiple character perspectives were used simultaenously. An example is in Chapter 1 - sooyoung where you flicked from Sehun's to Sooyoung's point of view within the same section of the chapter. It's important to be consistent and stay in one narrator's view. This makes sense in reality, where we are never privy to the true and honest thoughts and feelings of anyone else. We can only make assumptions by observing their actions and expressions. Likewise, this should apply to characters in a story. It's okay to indulge in another's point of view throughout an exposition, but a new section of a chapter must be started. Sticking to one character's perspective at a time also ramps up the curiousity of the readers, and in effect, enjoyment of the narrative. Avoiding revelations of how another character is feeling during a scene makes the reader wonder how the narrator is impacting or influencing other characters in particular events. As your story is already finished, it is up to you whether you want to go back to edit anything but I don't think it's necessary at this point. Just keep this in mind for future writings. To finish off on this point, here's another example is in Chapter 3 - seulgi where you very briefly revealed Yerim's true thoughts and feelings:
Yerim didn't respond, her shoulders hunched up as she hid her face in his chest. His murky cologne wrapping around her and bringing her a strange comfort.
In Sehun's perspective, we shouldn't be privy to Yerim's 'strange comfort' from his cologne. Unless this is revealed by way of character dialogue, we can only assume that Sehun's presence is bringing ease to Yerim. This assumption can be induced by Sehun's observation, such as if he were to feel Yerim relaxing against him during the embrace. Let me know if you need further clarification on this.
Generally, you're quite talented with using facial expressions and bodily gestures to indicate how characters are feeling and moving along the scene. There is one part however where there is a lack of description in the scene, making the flow of the story seem a little jumpy and rushed. Take this extract from Chapter 4 - wendy:
"I hate everyone," her hands began to shake, like her voice. "I never belong, Sehun." The detective ran to her, holding her shivering body in his arms. Sooyoung's pupils trembled. "Drawer...drawer..." she kept mumbling, eyes rolling to the back of her head constantly. Sehun laid her down on her bed, panicking only a little as he had no idea which drawer she was talking about. "drawer..." her pointer shook as she gestured at her nightstand.
This part I was confused what was happening until the next paragraph when you were telling us Sehun was searching for medicine for Sooyoung's seizure. Unless I missed that Sehun had known of Sooyoung's condition prior to visiting or meeting her, plus Sehun being capable of recognising the signs of a seizure and knows how to act in such a situation, I found it peculiar Sehun was able to respond instantly to Sooyoung whilst figuring out what was going on in the scene. I think the main issue is the need for elaboration before Sehun's response, i.e., making it more obvious that there is something out of the ordinary with Sooyung more than just her pupils trembling and her eyes disappearing to the back of her head. A seizure is a serious thing and it should be given more frantic attention so the readers know alarms are ringing and the scene is changing drastically. Explanation should also be given as to how Sehun knows how to respond to this situation - tell us how he recognised these signs of a seizure and how he knew to treat it.
flow (5)
suitability of the flow » 2/2
your control of the pace » 3/3
I think you handled the pacing of the story extremely well. I found the majority of the fic to be narrated seamlessly and appropriately besides that one scene just described where a little more description was warranted. The relatively slow progression of Sehun's investigation complemented the mystery and suspense which emanate from 'the beauties, the beasts'. I didn't find any event moving too slowly, so no issues here. You did an amazing job making sure the overall plot wasn't moving too fast to create curiousity in the readers in prompting them to guess who they think the perpretator is. Excellent work here!
grammar (7.5)
punctuation » 2/4
spelling » 1.5/2
vocabulary » 2/2
tense collisions » 2/2
There are some occasional mispellings littered throughout your chapters that hopefully another round of edit would pick up. I've extracted a few examples below. The main issue however, is the tag-verb collision. This is a common mistake amongst most authors but I think you'll be able to catch on and adjust with little issues. If you end a dialogue with 'said', 'commented', 'shouted', 'cried', etc, you should use a comma ( , ) before the closing quotation marks ( " ). However, if you end a dialogue with a character's action, you should use a period ( . ) before the closing quotation marks. Examples are provided below, let me know if you need further clarification. The only other issue is minor mistakes in spelling which another quick runover your chapters should hopefully pick up. Please note that below aren't all the mistakes I found across your chapters. It would be useful to keep these corrections in mind for your future writings.
Chapter 1 - sooyoung
"Who killed your father?" He asked, calm.
"Who killed your father?" he asked, calm.
"Mr. Shin isn't stable, did anyone tell you that?" Sooyoung queried, chin Balanced on her fist and leg folded over the other. Sehun curiously peered at her. She took the chance to go into details, "He claimed to see a ghost in this house quite many times.
"Mr. Shin isn't stable, did anyone tell you that?" Sooyoung queried, chin balanced on her fist and leg folded over the other. Sehun curiously peered at her. She took the chance to go into details. "He claimed to see a ghost in this house quite many times.
Sehun didn't have this appetite but when Sooyoung started on his tea, he couldn't refuse.
Sehun didn't have his appetite but when Sooyoung started on his tea, he couldn't refuse.
Sehun smirked, "You can't show your room to a stranger."
"You're not a stranger, Sehun," her eyes spoke in a desperate measure. Sehun's smirk grew at that.
Sehun smirked. "You can't show your room to a stranger."
"You're not a stranger, Sehun." Her eyes spoke in a desperate measure. Sehun's smirk grew at that.
"I'm a man, Sooyoung," he shrugged, turning away from her as if he really didn't find her idea any more entertaining than the boring paintings on the walls. "And you're a woman.
"I'm a man, Sooyoung," he shrugged, turning away from her as if he really didn't find her idea any more entertaining than the boring paintings on the walls, "and you're a woman.
"I think that's completely fine," Sooyoung followed him about, yet being cool about it.
"I think that's completely fine." Sooyoung followed him about, yet being cool about it.
Chapter 2 - joohyun
Joohyun shook her head, "I lied to her. I told her Junmyeon wasn't going to help her."
Joohyun shook her head. "I lied to her. I told her Junmyeon wasn't going to help her."
"It was past ten. He just came back from work. I served him the tea and we spoke for a long time in the kitchen..." empty eyes looked around, Joohyun appeared so traumatized.
"It was past ten. He just came back from work. I served him the tea and we spoke for a long time in the kitchen..." Empty eyes looked around, Joohyun appeared so traumatized.
She broke out smiling, "How did you know?"
She broke out smiling. "How did you know?"
Life would be simple, no extravagant guests, no waiting for month for wars to end, no fear.
Life would be simple, no extravagant guests, no waiting for months for wars to end, no fear.
"Seulgi..." she immediately turned to him.
"Seulgi..." She immediately turned to him.
Chapter 3 - seulgi
"I never said that," Sehun pointed.
"I never said that," Sehun pointed out.
He was torn between choices like whether to drill through her head he was hear to investigate or roll on with the act to extract honest answers from her.
He was torn between choices like whether to drill through her head he was here to investigate or roll on with the act to extract honest answers from her.
"Why do you want to know?" She asked, swallowing.
"Why do you want to know?" she asked, swallowing.
"Seulgi, why are you telling me these?" He asked.
"Seulgi, why are you telling me these?" he asked.
He refused to speak to Sooyoung who ran after him until he reached the car. Yet he didn't speak to her.
He refused to speak to Sooyoung who ran after him until he reached the car. Yet he didn't speak to her.
Not really a grammatical correction but popping it here that there was repetition of Sehun not speaking to Sooyoung on his way out. Not sure if this was an accidental writing or if you intended to repeat but I don't think it's necessary to say this twice.
"Are you here to investigate or enjoy a little leisure."
"Are you here to investigate or enjoy a little leisure?"
"Well, rumors fly, I wonder how they started, however," he wiggled his ugly brows at Sehun.
"Well, rumors fly, I wonder how they started, however." He wiggled his ugly brows at Sehun.
Sehun smiles at the man before bidding him goodbye.
Sehun smiled at the man before bidding him goodbye.
There gazes met.
Their gazes met.
Were not friends anymore?
We're not friends anymore?
"What's with your face?" He asked. "He's not treating you well, is he?"
Yerim shook her head, "I mean...it doesn't matter, Sehun."
"What's with your face?" he asked. "He's not treating you well, is he?"
Yerim shook her head. "I mean...it doesn't matter, Sehun."
Chapter 4 - wendy
Sehun was in the verge of getting lost in the huge house and this upper floor was not familiar to him at all.
Sehun was on the verge of getting lost in the huge house and this upper floor was not familiar to him at all.
"I hate everyone," her hands began to shake, like her voice.
"I hate everyone." Her hands began to shake, like her voice.
"drawer..." her pointer shook as she gestured at her nightstand.
"Drawer..." Her pointer finger shook as she gestured at her nightstand.
Hopefully the tag-verb collision is clear now. Let me know if you need further examples or more clarification.
Chapter 6 - mockingbirds
As much as it sent chills down her body, Joohyun often felt sympathey for the woman.
As much as it sent chills down her body, Joohyun often felt sympathy for the woman.
Seulgi's eys doubled in size.
Seulgi's eyes doubled in size.
taste of story (8)
personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 4/5
influence of flow and grammar » 3/4
length of your story » 1/1
I very much enjoyed the suspense of the read with various suspects introduced in the story. You utilised Sehun's perspective in a way that keeps the readers second-guessing as to who the true culprit is. We were mostly learning alongside Sehun as our main narrator, which is exactly what we want to see when sticking to one character's point of view in a given scene, thus making my attention-to-detail editor self extremely satisfied. I thought the bases of your characterisation were exceptionally strong with each individual female showcasing their own personality and values, heavily influenced by their environments. It's definitely difficult to create an effective and endearing character, and you did it with all five females. None had too-similar traits or had out-of-place habits which would indicate weak character planning. Strong characterisation is a highlight of 'the beauties, the beasts'. I found the pacing of the story to be highly appropriate and complementary to the mystery of the fanfic. No complaints with the flow. The tag-verb collisions however weren't sitting well with me but that's just a nit-picky thing as a reader who is highly affected by grammar.
Personally, I saw the combined effort in Junmyeon's death from all four girls coming from the second or third chapter in. At that point I was interested to see whether you would keep it twisted and try and use three out of the four to deceive the readers. I think it became very obvious though when I realised the naming of the chapters represented Sehun's respective questioning of each female lead, and each one was pointing her finger at another. I find the foundation of the story impressive in itself but was a little disappointed when it was revealed that the four ladies worked together to make Junmyeon drop dead. I think I would have found the story to exceed my expectations if you managed to mislead the readers by the various accusations, and then portraying that only one or two pulled it off. Nevertheless, the presentation of the plot is still highly laudable and I hope you're very proud of your work.
I'm usually not a fan of explanation chapters at the end of the read unless the storyline was extremely convoluted - which yours was not - as I believe everything that needs to be said and revealed should be done within the story's chapters. Anything else that gets left behind should be up to the reader's interpretation, as planned by the author. But how you derived 'the beauties, the beasts''s storyline from a single music video is so creative and so comprehensive that I really have to give it to you for creating that ending note. I'm quite out of the loop nowadays with kpop in general but I'm a fan of Psycho and it was simply crazy how you made a plot out of it, with your own twists. I'd be extremely keen to read more of your creations, particularly ones based off a music video. Thank you for your work. I hope you're okay with your story popping on our feature list :) Best of the luck with your current/future writings and I hope the exovelvet community is flourishing to your expectations.
total score (92)
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