Confictura
LUST reviews >> archive > main shop accepting requests!
CONFICTURA
She had lost her memory.
But she's willing retrieve them.
She has a loving boyfriend and caring friends by her side.
Yet, she felt lonely.
She needs a friend.
A friend whom she can trust and rely on.
Someone who'll provide her with a listening ear, someone who'll provide her the warmth and care no one else can give.
Who would fit the job better than an imaginary friend?
And that's when Bambi comes into the picture.
REVIEWED BY: ft_stars
Title (4.5/5)
A one word title has been among many favorites and I would take an example to prove it, such as Divergent and Twilight. I wouldn't deny that I also favor one word title, seeing as it gives a more wider surface where there are endless possibilities for the readers to go through, the numerous different plotlines running through their mind. This is actually important to pull the readers more, to click and check the story out - even more when one is not aware of the real meaning of the title. But do keep in mind that there will be two opinions regarding such titles, one, the readers might find it to be interesting and brilliant but on the other hand, the readers whom are not aware of such titles and their meanings would browse through pass it without checking the content of the story. I would say that Confictura is actually a risky title where it might be an advantage or a disadvantage. From my first impression, Confictura is a bizzare word, something not found in the dictionary or Google and for not having any interest in learning other languages, I keep going back and forth between my decisions where I have to tick of a 0.5 from the total.
Now onto the meaning of Confictura. I have done my research on the word and have gathered up a few informations regarding it. Surely, the title fits the whole story plot and the description, where Confictura actually has the meaning of imagination, falsehood, fiction, etc. As for someone who knows the meaning of this word, they might wander about the story plot whether it will be filled with tragedy, romance bended into twisted fantasies and so much more. The deep connection the title has with the actual story could clearly be seen, where Luhan or known as Bambi is seen as an imaginary friend, someone who is only there to help Sookyung to go through her days. And to add to it, from one of the reviewers' review, it is also stated that Confictura is a word in the dead language which can also creates another possibility for the story plot, where maybe a death is involved in it.
What the reviewers have always been searching for in any titles of the stories that they have to review is the symbolic that could create a deeper connection between the story plot and the title itself and when it gets to the point that one could not forget the title and the story, the purpose of the choosen title has been done and it will leave a great impact on the readers' minds. As a reader, after reading through the story, it doesn't leave a much symbolic meaning to me so I have to take a point off.
Graphics (2/5)
Alright, I am not a really good judge of graphics, seeing I only see the good things in literature itself but as what you have heard from other reviewers, the graphic as a first impression does not bring the story into the light, in fact it looks a bit too light and simple. Even though there is the appearance of fantasy surrounding Luhan, for a first impression, it doesn't bring out the idea of Confictura. Truthfully, readers these days are more towards checking out stories which have very good appearances, seeing as it is the first thing they would judge from the actual story itself. The word Bambi on the graphic does not surface, it doesn't shine or stand out and actually creates a dull atmosphere. From a reader's point of view, I find the graphic dull as it doesn't enhance the magic of the story, the title, the whole actual meaning of the story. Even if it is to prove and show that Luhan is the Bambi in the story, maybe it is wiser to have the graphic for the chapter's banner. But I would tell you that Luhan in the graphic looks shining and he is blinding with his smile and it shows what you're trying to portray in this story, an imagination.
Description and Foreword: (4/10)
The first thing in this section that I would like to touch on is the grammatical errors I have encountered when reading through the description. I'm not a picky reviewer or a grammar nazi, seeing as I noticed the errors the second time I read through it, to write this review. From title to graphic and to the description and foreword, everything that is used to for an appearance to pull readers in is supposed to be perfectly composed and you should keep that in mind. The only error that I found is the confusion between two tenses and I do know the reason why you might have been confused to use which for certain sentences. From the overall story, the tense used was (for the present) is present tense and even with the flasback-flash forward system, it is still in present tense.
Revised version:
...because even when the brain forgets; the heart doesn't
She has lost her memory.
But she's willing to retrieve them.
She has a loving boyfriend and caring friends by her side.
Yet, she feels lonely.
She needs a friend.
A friend whom she can trust and rely on.
Someone who'll provide her with listening ear, someone who'll provide her the warmth and care no one else can give.
Who would fit the job better than an imaginary friend?
And that's when Bambi comes into the picture.
Description is always to catch the readers' attention, pulling them to click subscribe, later checking the story out and reviewers have always pointed out that the description should be interesting, intriguing, eye catching and full of hints that will make the readers feel curios about the story, the characters and the ending. From a reviewer and editor's view, the description is actually straight to forward, no hint for the readers to depict what is hidden for them, a mystery, a surprise. Truthfully, the description will not put the readers into it, to check out more out of the story. To prove of this conclusion, let's take a look at the description of this story to find the points out of it that are able to be hints that will pull the readers into the story and also the ones which actually revealed the plot.
-the points that could be hints are in bold and underline
-the points that actually revealed the story are in itallic
...because even when the brain forgets; the heart doesn't.
She had lost her memory.
But she's willing to retrieve them.
She has a loving boyfriend and caring friends by her side.
Yet, she feels lonely.
She needs a friend
A friend whom she can trust and rely on.
Someone who'll provide her with listening ear, someone who'll provide her the warmth and care no one else can give.
I think that it is best if the sentence below is taken out, seeing as the reader will know that Bambi is an imaginary friend (even with the name mention, it will still trigger who is Bambi, maybe an online guy and etc.)
Who would fit the job better than an imaginary friend?
And that's when Bambi comes into the picture.
The first sentence actually tells that maybe, Luhan is actually an exisisting person in Sookyung's life and when it comes to the part that you mentioned the imaginary friend, readers would realize that maybe, Luhan stays there for Sookyung, even if he is dead with them connecting pieces with pieces and when it comes to the Bambi part, one could easily map out the whole actual plot. I do know that many authors here in AFF succeeded in bringing out the best of their one-shot even if they paste down everything in the description that is actually supposed to be revealed in the actual story lines but that is what actually kills the readers' interest.
One may not know this but what is the surprise in having the readers knowing that the main character is actually dead and the other one is devastated because someone precious to her is gone but she couldn't even remember his name? Perhaps the feelings that the readers want to feel but it wouldn't be conveyed in an elegant manner, in fact it will dissipate once it comes to the point that Luhan is shown dying. I'm not too sure on how to advise on this, maybe it might be better if you write a new description but on the same time, my mind wanders that maybe, it is a trend for one-shots to pull of these kind of forewords.
As for the foreword, I think that it is a great idea to put the snippets from the reviews that you have requested from good reviewers out there. And knowing me, I would recommend for the authors to write interesting and alluring snippets in the foreword to pull in the readers' interests more but judging from the description, I don't think that it is wise to put on any snippet for the foreword as it might reveals more about the story so, I agree with the usage of the foreword for words of recognition.
Story Layout: (4.5/5)
Overall, the story layout is nicely done, the paragraphing is not scattered around, the font used suits the mood and the theme of the story, and I like using Times New Roman myself but let's get this clear out because not everyone has a very good eye sight (including me), the font size is a bit of an eye strainer and this is what I have spotted when using Times New Roman. The size 12 is a bit small but when the size 14 or 16 is much better for reading. Next, I do understand regarding the flashback system in this story, and using the itallic to differentiate between the two period is a good way to clear up future misunderstandings. Other than that, I think that the story has a very nice story layout, creating a soft atmosphere for the readers to enjoy the story fully.
Plot: (24.5/30)
Truthfully, I have seen and read a lot of stories with the same core stories, one of the main protagonists died, while the other lived but not able to remember any of the deceased one but the heart still remembers and the fact that the story uses different approach to create a heavy angst atmosphere for the readers to be in tears doesn't really add on to the originality of the story. There is one almost same approach (the imaginary friend) that is used in an animation, Hal, where Hal lost his girlfriend due to a plane crash and the girlfriend is in it. He pushed everything away, the memory about her, about his past life, his friends and surrounding and he treated himself as if he was born to be robot. The girlfriend died in the crash but from a request of her grandfather, a real robot became her to pull Hal back into reality. In this case, the robot that became the girlfriend is the same as Luhan, who is there to make Sookyung comes back to the reality. The originality isn't there but I would say that a different approach to such plot is a great idea coming from you.
And to add to it, Chanyeol's appearance actually created a more stable level for this story, seeing as Chanyeol is coming from a different source, and not one of her old friends, which readers will find his character interesting. But I'm not too sure of what you're trying to convey using the story as the medium. There is a slight touch with drug abuse, a slight violence and rampage but I'm not too sure of what you're trying to convey in here. I was hoping for a deeper side effects towards her and her relationships with others but you have only touched so little on them. As an example, Sookyung tried to consume the pills - how long has she been consuming them? Does she see Bambi in her dreams? Is she dreading on the drugs whether it is in a good way (where she is able to sleep and not to go through any headache, etc.) or bad (she feels a bit calmer and is easily handled by others)? And what about Chanyeol, he seems a bit bad tempered when he punched the kitchen table? An imaginary friend comes when one is not receiving love that she deserves and when she wants someone to be there for her, protecting and listening to her. I find that the story plot is a bit too light for the imaginary friend idea. This story might be able to show and convey a more deeper and heavier theme to strengthen the connections between the imaginary friend, Bambi and Sookyung.
And to add to it, Chanyeol's appearance actually created a more stable level for this story, seeing as Chanyeol is coming from a different source, and not one of her old friends, which readers will find his character interesting. But I'm not too sure of what you're trying to convey using the story as the medium. There is a slight touch with drug abuse, a slight violence and rampage but I'm not too sure of what you're trying to convey in here. I was hoping for a deeper side effects towards her and her relationships with others but you have only touched so little on them. As an example, Sookyung tried to consume the pills - how long has she been consuming them? Does she see Bambi in her dreams? Is she dreading on the drugs whether it is in a good way (where she is able to sleep and not to go through any headache, etc.) or bad (she feels a bit calmer and is easily handled by others)? And what about Chanyeol, he seems a bit bad tempered when he punched the kitchen table? An imaginary friend comes when one is not receiving love that she deserves and when she wants someone to be there for her, protecting and listening to her. I find that the story plot is a bit too light for the imaginary friend idea. This story might be able to show and convey a more deeper and heavier theme to strengthen the connections between the imaginary friend, Bambi and Sookyung.
Characterization: (6/10)
I think that the characterization is done well enough for every of the characters, decent is what I will say. But from the rubric, everything is related to one another, the description to the story plot and to the characterization. It is actually a big gamble to write stories, when things will fall down like dominos, one thing is related to the other. Confictura has a very wide broad of characters that pulls the readers in, to exploit of the inner and deepest part of their feelings and stories. One-shots are hard to judge and be reviewed, seeing as it they are presented in a long chapter, sometimes shorter than 10,000 words (where the characters doesn't develop much but the plots still develops until the end) and the other one which is longer than the minimum words count which I would go through every of the characters from individual to the group of friend, combining with the ideas to bring the best out of them.
Firstly, Sookyung as the leading female who has lost her memories due to a car crash, leading a quiet and slow life with a man she met at the hospital, Chanyeol, who has always been there for her since the moment she opened her eyes once more. But she feels lonely, as if something is not right, not settled in her life, the stir in her heart not going away and that is when Sookyung meets Bambi. Her character is pitiable, seeing as she has went through a lot of things in her life, not remembering any of her old friends, the man that she has loved, the car crash and nigtmares. She is not cagetorized as a damsel in distress as she tries to move on from her past to accept the present, to start anew with Chanyeol.
But coming from a reader's perspective, I don't find her pulling of the character of a woman who loses everything, perfectly. The reasons to support this statement are - one, in the story she is using the drug to get a goodnight sleep but there is no deeper meaning to it except for the fact that it is written that she might be able to see Bambi in her dreams if she consumed the pills, and second, the fact that she is able to pull off the days in the hospital without pondering about the lost memories, her friends along with the stale empty feeling she had been having the moment she woke up. Where is the confusion and life instincts that should have been shown in the story? Let's take this into realistic measures, if you had forgotten of everything, wouldn't there be any instincts of trying to search for them because of the stale empty feeling in your heart? I was expecting a more elaborated story of her daily life, when Sookyung goes through trials and errors before Bambi comes. It is a bit awkward when I read the part where you explained when Bambi came into her life just because she needed someone else. So, explain it to me. Why does she needs someone else in her life? Is it because of the fear? Then, elaborate it more because fear is a heavy subject.
Next, I would like to talk about Luhan as the Bambi. Alright, he died and because he just couldn't leave Sookyung on her own, he appears again once more. The relationship he has with Sookyung, their first meeting actually seems a bit off. I'm not entirely saying that the heart can forget about someone so important in life but when Sookyung gets so comfortable with him, it's a bit off. Maybe if you could have written how Luhan appears from time to time, when she is sleeping and holds her hands when she gets nightmares, helps her close the window when she forgets to do so and etc. Give small glimpses so that I could relate with Sookyung when Bambi finally decides to show himself to her. Next, I'm not too sure on how to adress the moment when Luhan told his friends not to speak a word about him. From my perspectives, he didn't want Sookyung to feel hurt because he knew he was going away but there is that chance when you could talk about Luhan's feelings even if there are a lot of authors who do so - cliché but relatable. And when the readers could relate to Luhan's feelings, his mindset, his character would be so memorable.
Besides that, let's talk about Chanyeol and Sookyung's friends. Chanyeol is portrayed as the good guy, for taking Sookyung under his wings, staying there for her even when she only longs for Bambi to be there for her. And I could understand why he gets furious when she decides not to talk to him, to talk about what is so bothering her these days. But this is where the problem comes. The flashback system is taking away most of the important snippets from the scenes - when I should be seeing Chanyeol asking her again and again, and to burn in rage when she keeps mum and shaking her head. The flashback system also interupts the scenes where I should be reading about Sookyung and Chanyeol's relationship during their stay in the hospital. I do think that it is the best if the story is unfold slowly where the readers are able to see and imagine by themselves with the context of this story even if the oneshot gets terribly long. If it is needed, it is alright to separate them in small parts.
Sookyung's friends on the other hand show that they do care about her but entrusting their precious friend who is also a girl to someone that stays by her side during her stay at the hospital is not enough. They could have shown their worries, them saying no to Chanyeol when the younger pressed the discussion forward because Sookyung is a girl and to entrust her to someone they barely know is a bit off. As I have mentioned before, the flashback system is taking away the most important scenes that keep the flow moving like rivers but instead what I'm reading is a little bit bumpy and fast.
Firstly, Sookyung as the leading female who has lost her memories due to a car crash, leading a quiet and slow life with a man she met at the hospital, Chanyeol, who has always been there for her since the moment she opened her eyes once more. But she feels lonely, as if something is not right, not settled in her life, the stir in her heart not going away and that is when Sookyung meets Bambi. Her character is pitiable, seeing as she has went through a lot of things in her life, not remembering any of her old friends, the man that she has loved, the car crash and nigtmares. She is not cagetorized as a damsel in distress as she tries to move on from her past to accept the present, to start anew with Chanyeol.
But coming from a reader's perspective, I don't find her pulling of the character of a woman who loses everything, perfectly. The reasons to support this statement are - one, in the story she is using the drug to get a goodnight sleep but there is no deeper meaning to it except for the fact that it is written that she might be able to see Bambi in her dreams if she consumed the pills, and second, the fact that she is able to pull off the days in the hospital without pondering about the lost memories, her friends along with the stale empty feeling she had been having the moment she woke up. Where is the confusion and life instincts that should have been shown in the story? Let's take this into realistic measures, if you had forgotten of everything, wouldn't there be any instincts of trying to search for them because of the stale empty feeling in your heart? I was expecting a more elaborated story of her daily life, when Sookyung goes through trials and errors before Bambi comes. It is a bit awkward when I read the part where you explained when Bambi came into her life just because she needed someone else. So, explain it to me. Why does she needs someone else in her life? Is it because of the fear? Then, elaborate it more because fear is a heavy subject.
Next, I would like to talk about Luhan as the Bambi. Alright, he died and because he just couldn't leave Sookyung on her own, he appears again once more. The relationship he has with Sookyung, their first meeting actually seems a bit off. I'm not entirely saying that the heart can forget about someone so important in life but when Sookyung gets so comfortable with him, it's a bit off. Maybe if you could have written how Luhan appears from time to time, when she is sleeping and holds her hands when she gets nightmares, helps her close the window when she forgets to do so and etc. Give small glimpses so that I could relate with Sookyung when Bambi finally decides to show himself to her. Next, I'm not too sure on how to adress the moment when Luhan told his friends not to speak a word about him. From my perspectives, he didn't want Sookyung to feel hurt because he knew he was going away but there is that chance when you could talk about Luhan's feelings even if there are a lot of authors who do so - cliché but relatable. And when the readers could relate to Luhan's feelings, his mindset, his character would be so memorable.
Besides that, let's talk about Chanyeol and Sookyung's friends. Chanyeol is portrayed as the good guy, for taking Sookyung under his wings, staying there for her even when she only longs for Bambi to be there for her. And I could understand why he gets furious when she decides not to talk to him, to talk about what is so bothering her these days. But this is where the problem comes. The flashback system is taking away most of the important snippets from the scenes - when I should be seeing Chanyeol asking her again and again, and to burn in rage when she keeps mum and shaking her head. The flashback system also interupts the scenes where I should be reading about Sookyung and Chanyeol's relationship during their stay in the hospital. I do think that it is the best if the story is unfold slowly where the readers are able to see and imagine by themselves with the context of this story even if the oneshot gets terribly long. If it is needed, it is alright to separate them in small parts.
Sookyung's friends on the other hand show that they do care about her but entrusting their precious friend who is also a girl to someone that stays by her side during her stay at the hospital is not enough. They could have shown their worries, them saying no to Chanyeol when the younger pressed the discussion forward because Sookyung is a girl and to entrust her to someone they barely know is a bit off. As I have mentioned before, the flashback system is taking away the most important scenes that keep the flow moving like rivers but instead what I'm reading is a little bit bumpy and fast.
Content Description (8/10)
As I have mentioned before, this story lacks a bit of elaboration to support the ideas of the story. When you're able to write a few scenes longer then it is wiser to do so even if you have to separate the oneshot into small parts. There are few great oneshots that have full elaborations to the scenes in the story and to support the author's idea. Let's see the readers' opinions towards this story because they will response very honestly towards things they find amusing in a story, the things that will make the tears flow and the things that are heavy and are stirred well in the story plot. There are only mentions of the part where Luhan left Sookyung and it had them leaving with tears at the end. Where is the mention towards Sookyung's condition, her worsening condition? How about Luhan's words before he passed away? Or how about the argument between Chanyeol and Sookyung? Did he exceed the point where it can be called as abusing? Afterall she is still a patient.
For me, that is where Confictura is lacking. The whole idea of the story plot is already plotted very well with the characters slowly balancing the imaginary friend idea but I will be able to enjoy this story much more if this oneshot has more elaborations. But overall, Confictura has the basic idea and points to bring a good ending for the story.
As I have mentioned before, this story lacks a bit of elaboration to support the ideas of the story. When you're able to write a few scenes longer then it is wiser to do so even if you have to separate the oneshot into small parts. There are few great oneshots that have full elaborations to the scenes in the story and to support the author's idea. Let's see the readers' opinions towards this story because they will response very honestly towards things they find amusing in a story, the things that will make the tears flow and the things that are heavy and are stirred well in the story plot. There are only mentions of the part where Luhan left Sookyung and it had them leaving with tears at the end. Where is the mention towards Sookyung's condition, her worsening condition? How about Luhan's words before he passed away? Or how about the argument between Chanyeol and Sookyung? Did he exceed the point where it can be called as abusing? Afterall she is still a patient.
For me, that is where Confictura is lacking. The whole idea of the story plot is already plotted very well with the characters slowly balancing the imaginary friend idea but I will be able to enjoy this story much more if this oneshot has more elaborations. But overall, Confictura has the basic idea and points to bring a good ending for the story.
Flow: (5/5)
Although the story lacks elaboration regarding the characters' feelings, conditions and complexity, I think the flow is consistent for a soft romantic story. But do not lay it down because the flashback system might not work on a few readers. Overall, the story flow captures the basic idea of the imaginary friend and a character losing a very important person in her life and the flashback system actually balances the combination of future, present and the future.
Although the story lacks elaboration regarding the characters' feelings, conditions and complexity, I think the flow is consistent for a soft romantic story. But do not lay it down because the flashback system might not work on a few readers. Overall, the story flow captures the basic idea of the imaginary friend and a character losing a very important person in her life and the flashback system actually balances the combination of future, present and the future.
Grammar: (6/10)
I would like to point out a few grammar mistakes and that the ones I have found are the mixed up tenses and plural/singular forms. I do make them sometimes, whenever I'm writing but I encourage for you to edit them multiple times and reread through them carefully before uploading the oneshot but I'm not a picky reader and reviewer, in fact I was going through the whole story accordingly and didn't mind much about the tenses. These errors can be rid off if you did a few corrections towards the sentences. I do understand it will be a bit confusing when there is a flahback system in the story but take notice every time you start writing using tenses.
Taste of the Story: (8/10)
From a reader's perspective, I truly enjoy this story as it is light yet a sad romance between two characters that have always love each other. It is also a refreshing change for a story with the same theme such as a character losing memories about an important person in her life. Furthermore, I like the usage of heavy medias in this, the drugs, imaginary friend and etc.
But do not feel acomplished, yet because I think, with more elaboration and length to this story, the plot and characters can be delivered smoothly to the readers and they will be able to see the actual dark side of losing someone, losing memories of people around in an actual life and to go through every day life without having the slightest idea of what had happened in her life before. If this story is presented in a more deeper and heavy situation, Confictura would be a very memorable story and surely I would not be able to forget it because of the deep emotions overflowing in the story that the readers would be able to completely relate with.
But overall as I have said before, Confictura is a very good, light soft story and a lot of readers would enjoy this seeing as it surpass the whole idea of light romance cliché. Thank you very much for letting me review this oneshot, seeing as it is actually a challenge towards reviewers like me who are not familiar reviewing oneshots seeing as the flow is a bit more fast than chaptered stories and the characters are not exposed and the emotions are hardly readable when authors are not able to convey them. But for Confictura, I think you have done a great job.
But do not feel acomplished, yet because I think, with more elaboration and length to this story, the plot and characters can be delivered smoothly to the readers and they will be able to see the actual dark side of losing someone, losing memories of people around in an actual life and to go through every day life without having the slightest idea of what had happened in her life before. If this story is presented in a more deeper and heavy situation, Confictura would be a very memorable story and surely I would not be able to forget it because of the deep emotions overflowing in the story that the readers would be able to completely relate with.
But overall as I have said before, Confictura is a very good, light soft story and a lot of readers would enjoy this seeing as it surpass the whole idea of light romance cliché. Thank you very much for letting me review this oneshot, seeing as it is actually a challenge towards reviewers like me who are not familiar reviewing oneshots seeing as the flow is a bit more fast than chaptered stories and the characters are not exposed and the emotions are hardly readable when authors are not able to convey them. But for Confictura, I think you have done a great job.
TOTAL: (72.5/100)
Thank you for requesting at LUST review shop.
Comments