{The Star by wuyifan95}

Story Title (2.5/5)

It definitely sparks an interest and a sense of curiousity as every EXO fan would match it up with the boy band's song. However, I don't see how it relates to the story, other than Kris being an idol. As you are already 13 chapters in, I suggest you make a reference connecting the title to the story. It isn't original as there are mutiple stories possessing the same title so you have a lost a point in terms of uniqueness.

Graphics (5/5)

The pop up will definitely make readers linger on the poster so I hope you have thanked your graphic artist for that. Quite creative. My eyes didn't spot the title first, the images of EXO, 4minute and Lunia did, then the pop up of Kris and Hyuna, and finally the title and that may be a bit of a problem. Other than that, the poster screams out fluff and gives the story a happy feeling.

Description and Foreword (10/10)

The description information is all you need to say though I think it could be worded in a better way. It's moderately okay and if that's your best shot at trying to engage the reader, keep it there as you should always give an insight on your style of writing. The character charts don't reveal much but it shouldn't as we should be able to see their personality through situations that you put them through. Just remember to add in the periods after each sentence as you have missed half of them.

The foreword excellently opens up the story and portrays a satisfying charisma

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (18/20)

As EXO is quite a large group, it's understandable for the introductions to be a little tedious. None of the charaters' appearances were abrupt and I can see character development through the more significant ones which are Hyuna, Kris, Sehun, Kai, Mr. Xi and Lunia. The others are a little boring as their personality is pretty similiar but it's okay as there are alot of characters to handle and you keep their occurance throughout the story. Maybe next time you should think about dragging out a certain number of characters so you can keep track of each personality.

I think it's great that you put Kris in a love dilemma but I don't like him because he isn't loyal. But that's what makes him unique. Lunia I would think is too bubbly, too happy, too kind but I like how she's developing a friendship (?) towards Sehun. Hyuna, I did not expect, seeing as she is quite young, maybe she desires much older men?

Originality (8.5/10)

There are many fanfictions out there where authors make an EXO member (whom is an idol) meet up with the female character and they fall in love. However, I have come across a few where the idol falls in a love mess. I'd have to give you credit for this well thought out plot as it keeps the reader interested in which decisions Kris would make. Also, it is quite peculiar that Hyuna plays the role of a vengeful girl and aims to traumatise Lunia and Kris' relationship, hesitating at times. It was surprising for Kris to choose not only a singing career but a teaching one too and I think that's the most significiant part that marks your story as original and unique.

Flow (2/5)

You kept putting events so abruptly that it made me stop reading and think, "How did this happen?!" It is only natural for authors to rush their beginning to get to the good parts (in this case, would be when Hyuna and Kris make out) but events such as Alyssa and her parent's death, Kris' rapid leave, Hyuna almost getting , the sudden desire for Kris to fall for Hyuna again and the dance contest that popped out of nowhere, was way too fast for me. I also think that it's strange for Hyuna to go to Kris while breaking down because her home was burned to the floor, only to kiss him roughly ten minutes later. You should steady the flow and make your chapters go smoothly, rather than explode haphazard events in readers' faces. I have given you two points because in situations where it doesn't involve Kris and Hyuna, it flowed moderately well.

Conflict twists (8/10)

You did exceptionally well here as you have surprised me mutiple times during your story. The big turning point would be the part where Hyuna turns cold and vengeful as I thought she would be forgiving and relenting. That part was well thought out. However I think you should have explained more about the house burning down as I didn't really feel Hyuna's pain, if she was feeling anything... As I said before, that event came too suddenly for me to process any emotions.

Content Descriptiveness (4/10)

I didn't find any description that describes the setting so I will have to mark you down for that. I will give you some credit for thinking up places that would benefit the situation, such as the meeting spot between Hyuna and Kai.

Grammar (10/15)

I'm a bit paranoid about grammar and I found it difficult since you asked for a moderate critiscm level. If English isn't your first language, you're at a pretty high level. If it is, you will need a bit of work on it. Usually, I would point out every mistake but I will just pick out the main problems.

You put unnecessary spaces in between words and punctuation. This happened in every sentence in Chapter One but it also occured in other chapters. Here is an example:

Quote: " Why ? What's wrong with her ? " Baekhyun asked out of curiousity with such a serious face which was a rare sight to see .

Correction: "Why? What's wrong with her?" Baekhyun asked in genuine curiousity, no sight of the teasing aura he always carried around.

Everytime a character speaks, you should enter a new line so that readers wouldn't get confused at who's talking. No two or more characters' speech should be in the same paragraph.

Quote: Kris grinned as Xiumin directly looked at him and mouthed "This is all your fault!". Baozi gave the cash to the deer boy. *No wonder why Xiumin reminded me not to pay any attention to what the guys were going to discuss.* Kris thought. He thought back to what Xiumin had said earler. "They are just going to trash talk.Don't mind them,okay,Kris.Just be in your world, your galaxy world,kayh." Kris eventually started laughing as he remembered that scene. "Since we are already discussing this... HOT topic, how is she any ways? It has been a long time since we last met her,right?" Chanyeol asked Luhan with his playful grin.

Correction: Kris grinned as Xiumin directly looked at him and mouthed, "This is all your fault!" Baozi, Xiumin's nickname, reluctantly gave the cash to the deer boy also known as Luhan.

*No wonder why Xiumin reminded me not to pay any attention to what the guys were going to discuss.* Kris thought.

He thought back to what Xiumin had said earlier. "They are just going to trash talk. Don't mind them, okay Kris? Just be in your world, your galaxy world, kay?." Kris eventually started laughing as he remembered that scene.

"Since we are already discussing this... hot topic, how is she anyways? It has been a long time since we last saw her, right?" Chanyeol asked Luhan with his playful grin.

It's informal to bolden sentences, let alone every dialogue so you should go back and correct each one.

Some sentences could be worded better but as I said in the beginning, your readers need to be familiar with your style of writing rather than mine.

I found very few typographical errors so your beta-readers are doing a good job of that.

Taste of the Story (9/10)

As I said before, there are numerous of fanfictions where they make an ordinary girl meet with EXO, or just a memeber and fall in love. However, what makes your story different to others is how the characters react to each situation. The love dilemma and the enforcement of engagement arranged by Mr. Xi definitely drives your readers on. I found it all interesting despite the occasional grammar mistakes and the abrupt events. If you have those areas handled, your story would be a great success.

Score: 77/100

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