Back From The Gutter
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I love the title. It has mystery written all over it? It really makes your mind start turning, what could the story be about to have this title? It definitely made me excited to click, expecting a lot from the story.
Once I started to read, I fully got why you chose this name. Which is a good thing because sometimes people choose names that totally have nothing to do with the story.
You must have a good imagination. I would have never thought of ‘Back From the Gutter’ as a title, then again, I’m pretty bad at thinking of titles.
The poster is amazing! It just draws me in, the pictures chosen are perfect! It fits the mood of the story and leaves the reader even more excited to click on the first chapter.
The background for me was pretty plain though. I didn’t realize until I was at the end of the first chapter that it was even a picture. The color fits the mood but maybe you should find a different picture that just adds a little more ‘suspense’ to the story.
I liked the gift you had in the chapters that introduced all the characters. There were quite a few so the gif helped you to follow the story more, it was a smart choice. Plus, it is very cute (in a mysterious way) and I watched it play at least three times.
The description and foreword were too long. I looked at it and got a pit feeling, I really don’t like reading long chapters, not to mention descriptions and forewords.
It is my job to read everything though so I did, it was super confusing. I didn’t understand half of what I was reading, I’m usually good at comprehending things, but this . . . no, I just couldn’t understand.
Also, your soundtrack meant nothing to me. I did not know even one song on there, and I listen to a lot of music. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one. You should have listed at least a few k-pop songs, since the whole story is based around Korean artist.
I liked your layout, it made things a little easier to read. Unlike most stories, I knew when you went to a new topic and didn’t get confused.
The crosses were a cute touch to add in the middle of the paragraph, for me it gave me hope that I was getting to the end.
The gif in the middle of your stories confused me at first but it wasn’t a bad idea. You should probably put it at the top of your story, just so it won’t be right there, distracting you from the words. When I read, I get easily distracted and don’t like gifs to be in the middle of the story because it makes me stop paying attention to what I am reading.
I liked the plot, it was interesting how you explained it like a movie. I really felt like I was reading a movie!
It didn’t go fast enough for me though and often left me bored. I knew you had a good story on your hands but you wasted too much time explaining the little details, which made me forget half the things that were happening.
You have a good imagination and made up a good story but it just wasn’t hitting, I think you should shorten the story when you’re writing so it will have more action it.
You explained the characters well; I could imagine all of them in my head without a problem.
I think you should have done something to make it easier to remember who all the characters were though. I got the girls mixed up and couldn’t remember which role any of them played.
When you’re writing a story, you should give each character an interesting name and not have too many just so it’ll be easier to remember who all of them are.
It was easier to remember Jong In and Taemin because I know them and their names stood out. You need to give your other characters names like this, not saying they have to be idol names though.
Content Description (5/10)
You described things thoroughly, I might have gotten more information than I needed on what the characters were doing. You literally explained every single detail, which wasn’t needed.
You wrote your story more like a screen-play, which explains the movie feel.
I found it losing my interest because I had to spend a whole paragraph on how this person was or what this thing looked like, remember you have to keep the reader’s interest not make them run away.
I can tell English isn’t your first language, the story wasn’t a smooth read at all. Sentences either were in the wrong order or didn’t make sense at all.
Words were often used too much in a sentence, making some things sound weird.
For example, you wrote “With loud rock music hitting from the stereo, the Corolla smelled of tequila and cheap cigarette and something much more worse.” The correct way would be “With loud rock music hitting from the stereo, the Corolla smelled of tequila, cheap cigarettes, and something much worse.”
You should have a translation shop translate your stories for you, this would make your story a lot easier to understand.
You didn’t put commas in half the places they were supposed to be and just continued to put ‘and’ or have it flow awkwardly.
There were times when you forgot quotation marks at the end or beginning of someone’s speech, it was also the same with the parenthesis, putting them at the beginning and not the end or vice versa.
The story was boring, I was practically begging to get to the end of each chapter and thanked god when I did.
I will definitely not be coming back to this story because it’s just not entertaining.
Like I said before though, you had a good plot on your hands and maybe I’ll check some of your other work out in the future.
You have potential, just fix these minor details and you’ll be an amazing writer, Hwaiting!
TOTAL: (55/100)
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