{Last Glimpse by yehet061190}

Story Title (5/5)

Last Glimpse is definitely an attractive title- personally I don't think it is cringe-worthy like some other titles, or too over dramatic too. It gives off the right feels and it attracted me. If I were to scroll through a list of stories, I would definitely click on yours based on the title. The title also has a very strong relation to the story itself, especially the part where you described how Suho couldn't stop staring at the members on the plane, as if he was trying to memorize their faces.

Graphics (2.5/5)

The poster definitely suited the mood of the story, with Suho and the others looking glum. I sppose that's because they were involved in a plane crash, right? However, I took off 0.5 marks because even though the background was made nicely, the colour of it didn't match with that of the poster's. Where the poster was dark in colour, the background was slightly lighter in green and that made quite a big contrast, and it looked slightly weird to me. There was also the fact that the quote in your story had grammatical mistakes. Because it is a flashback in the way you wrote the sentence, it should be "I  never knew that would be the last glimpse I ever had of them." instead of "I never know that will be the last glimpse I ever have of them."

Description and Foreword (6/10)

The description was rather... bleak. I'll be honest and say it didn't attract me a lot. Sometimes one sentenced descriptions are alright, but authors have to aim to create the big impact the sentence will give, and I thought yours didn't do the job. Yours just left me hanging like 'whut' but not in like a cliffhanger way, more like hanging in bewilderment; 'this is it???'

I liked how you provided an extract in your foreword- even though there were grammar mistakes, you did attract me. However, I thought it would've been better if you gave a more impactful scene, for example the plane crash, or some flashbacks, but I guess it's alright too because save the best for later? xD

Some grammar mistakes:

"Suho is very happy to know that Kris will come back to EXO, in fact not only him, but all of EXO members are happy. "

C: "Suho is very happy to know that Kris will come back to EXO. In fact, it isn't only him, but the rest of the EXO members too."

""You are the only one saved from this tragedy. How are you feeling?" one of the detectives asked me."

C:" "You are the only one saved from this tragedy. How are you feeling?" One of the detectives asked me."

"All of the screams, cries and bloods filled my mind, making me pinched my head and tears streamed down my cheeks."

C: "All of the screams, cries and blood filled my mind, making me pinch my head with tears streaming down my cheeks."

Truthfully, your description and foreword didn't really give me a long-lasting impression. It didn't bring out the prominent points of your story, so I thought it was rather lacking.

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (10/20)

I honestly didn't see much character development in your story, except for Suho's. Even then, it was very vague and I couldn't exactly make out his personality traits, except that he was caring, thoughtful and kind of joke-y at times. 

Originality (8/10)

I have never ever read something like your story before! I really enjoyed the story in terms of plot because everything seemed to be thought and planned out so carefully- it was like I was trying to solve a real mystery. Everything connected and there were no plot holes that I could spot, and it gave me the feel like I was watching a drama. I know some sasaeng fans tend to be crazy over EXO, but I never imagined that they could even kill people(in the story). The fact that you combined the murder and Kris's ability was also something I wouldn't have thought up of, so it is definitely very original. However, I took off two marks because of the very very cliche part where Suho and Kris were fighting over who would get killed. Even though it might all be a stage to catch Yerin, the way it was written and the speeches were all extremely cliche. That was the part where I cringed a little. Too over-dramatic. 

Flow (2.5/5)

When they visited the grave, I realized there was a big change in emotions, for both Suho and Kris. Kris obviously could've sensed Suho was sad, but Kris still made jokes at the wrong time (because really who makes jokes about the dead in a cemetery), and Suho went along with it. After the plane crash, Suho and Chen saw the other EXO members dead but to me, their reactions weren't that extreme which made it rather weird, because after all they were so close to the other members and they loved one another so much. Even if too much crying would have been overly dramatic, I thought that the reaction you described was rather unbelievable because who could recover so fast after so many loved ones of theirs died? Yerin's changes of emotions were also rather jerky; for example, she would've felt regretful in one moment but pleased in the other. Other than the very quick switches in emotion, I thought the pace and flow was rather okay because your sentences weren't too short or too long for me. They were eye pleasing and your sentences made it easy to read.

During the part where Yerin revealed to the readers about her being the killer, it was rather a spoiler for me to know it so quickly and directly. I thought it would've been a better reading experience as a reader if you toyed with our minds a little more, and let the mystery build up, like- what is the connection between the plane crash and Yerin? Like the way you did with Suho's dream.

Conflict twists (6/10)

The part about the man wanting to read the greeting cards at the plane crash was a little unrealistic- how would a man even think of reading greeting cards right after he escaped a life and death situation? If it were me, I wouldn't have thought of it at all.

Nearing the end, you described Yerin's life in the jail a little. She was getting beaten up by the EXO fangirls, and I was surprised at how Suho didn't react much to it. Suho claims to love her, but which man wouldn't care for a woman he loves when she is beaten up? He sounded so nonchalant when he was stating that Yerin was getting hurt.

There was also the part where Yerin confessed to Kris of her wanting to kill Suho and that she killed the other members too, right? Well, I thought it was rather weird that she let her information out and put herself in a vulnerable place, for Kris could have called charges against her if he wanted. Kris also after knowing the truth, wasn't cautious enough of Yerin, because if it were me, I would have refused to even be in the same room as Yerin. That part was all rather weird.

I thought the part where Suho slowly revealed his dreams was rather exciting and mysterious, though!

Content Descriptiveness (9/10)

I really really like the way you write. Your style is rather different from many other authors including myself, because works of fiction tend to be too fiction and speeches and thoughts in the stories end up being things we don't actually think or say. However, I could relate to a lot of the parts in the story because many times, you showed something that would've passed my mind during that certain time. Something I would've said, too. I admire this quality because as I've said, not many authors can do this because even I get carried away while I write something and end up writing something people don't usually think and say. So kudos! 

Even if your content wasn't described in depth, I thought that it fitted in overall with the story because your sentences were all short, but straight to the points. As your story maintained short sentences throughout, and not very in depth descriptions, I'm guessing I got used to it and I'm okay with the way there's not much description. It even sounds artistic to me now...

Grammar (6/15)

There were many grammar mistakes in your story and since I'm a large grammar nazi, I found the grammar mistakes rather distracting while I read the story. Though, when I reached chapter 4/5, it hardly even registered to me anymore because I probably got used to it. Even so, I recommend that you get a beta reader to fix all your grammar mistakes. These are some I've spotted in Chapter 2.

""I wonder what actually happen. They were supposed to all safe already," I voiced out my wondering."

C: "I wonder what actually happened. They were all supposed to be in safety already," I voiced out my wonders."

""Too bad. I really curious to know what actually happened now!" Taeil exclaimed frustratedly."

C: "Too bad. Now I'm really curious to know what actually happened!" Taeil exclaimed frustratedly."

"I studied about this group all by myself even this was not a typical self of me. I was not really fond of this Kpop thing. However, knowing the history of this group was very interesting."

C: "Even though it wasn't normal of me to do so, I studied this group all by myself. I was not really fond of Kpop. However, knowing the background information of this group was surely interesting."

"In other videos during Growl era, I noticed how much Suho loved s. He always watches over them like a real mother together with Kris at that time, just like a real parents. I bet he must be really sad, that Kris left them just like that. Worser than ever, now all of them were gone. Leaving him all by himself."

C: "In other videos during the Growl era, I noticed just how much Suho loved s. He always watched over them like a real mother with Kris, just like real parents. I bet he must have been really sad that Kris left them just like that. Worse, all of them were now gone, leaving him all by himself."

Taste of the Story (9/10)

Well, the epilogue was definitely a roller coaster ride. It made me go from one emotion to the other! At first I was both disappointed and glad when Suho woke up from a 'nightmare' and he saw all the EXO members. Disappointed because I like tragedies (whispers sadist) and also if it was all really a nightmare, then it would've turned my impression of the story a good lot because it would've been cliche. Happy endings and happily ever afters are just not my thing after all... I was also really shocked when the detective pranked Suho saying Kris died and I swear my heart almost stopped (yes) and I was so glad after it was revealed that it was all a prank ;-; I would've felt so bad for Suho if Kris really died.

All in all, I really enjoy the way you describe little events and make them seem so everyday-life-real. However your grammar's one of the thing you can work on and make your story better.

Score: 64/100

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