{Flowers and Hopes by clasicoustic-}

Story Title (4.5/5)

First of all, "Hopes" should be "Hope" as "hopes" isn't a word. The title is very appealing and putting an object and an emotion together creates curiousity for the readers. I'm quite drawn to three word titles. I definitely see the relevance of the title and the story and I think it is well chosen. Good job.

Graphics (3/5)

As your story revolves around flowers, I was quite surprised to see birds there. If they were paper cranes then yes, it's okay but there still should be flowers in your graphic. I'm quite ashamed to say this but are those three Baekhyuns? I think it is him in the fluffy hat but I'm not too sure for the one in the middle looking to the right. Nevertheless, I think it would be better if it was just one picture of him. Your poster gives out a gentle vibe and I can definitely sense the friendship feel of the story. Your background, however, contains flowers and that is what we should be seeing in the poster.

Description and Foreword (8/10)

Overall, it's pretty intruging and I like how you included that excerpt from your story. However, there are two grammatical errors with your description. First of all, you can't say "that's not the first time" when you just said "everytime he woke up". You're referring to both one scene, and numerous. Stick to one. Secondly, you have some grammatical errors.

Quote: Without even one words, nor a note placed near the flowers, he already knew what the person wanted to says.

Correction: Without even one word nor a note placed near the flowers, he already knew what the person who sent it wanted to say.

Quote: Because only a small, meaningful present can makes someone smiles without a reason becaues he doesn't need a big present he just needs one; hope.

Correction: Because only a small, meaningful present can make someone smile without a reason. He doesn't need a big present, he just needs one; hope.

If you fix these mistakes up, your description would be perfect and would surely make people want to read your story as soon as they can.

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (19/20)

As this is a one-shot, the only character I can expand on is Baekhyun. His character development is superb, we can definitely see his changing emotions from the description you provide for us. I think you did quite well on this part. As for the other characters, I think it's wonderful for everyone to show their support for Baekhyun - even his rival - however they were a little boring. Perhaps you should have included how their personalities were different before the accident in contrast to now, if there ever was a significant difference. There isn't much character development with Baekhyun's friends, except for Myungsoo. It was a little abrupt but it wasn't uncalled for and you made it flow really well so I'd say your characterisation is near-perfect. I'd mark it perfect but this category didn't stand out to me.

Originality (10/10)

Your story is quite unique as I haven't come across a story where flowers is the symbol of hope. It's creative to wrap your story around the deep meanings of each flower. Not only did you create the idea of flowers, but also included the traditional paper crane making. I think your story would stand out should there be any fanfiction with a similar plotline.

Flow (4/5)

The events flowed quite well except the very first scene. I could not comprehend what was happening let alone process the many emotions Baekhyun was experiencing. What happened on "that day"? How come he is a burden to his mother and brother? Why does he despise his own existence?

Conflict twists (3/10)

I do not see any conflict twists here. For one, you did not explain why Baekhyun was in the hospital - and you didn't say he was in hospital, I just guessed he was - to start with, until in your author's note which isn't part of your story. The small part where you tell us Baekhyun tries to move his legs but fails, isn't enough to tell us that there is actually something seriously wrong with his leg. I merely passed it off as sore limbs from fatigue.

When his classmates were saying "Get better soon!" I honestly thought he had cancer or some sort of illness. I don't know about your readers but that was my impression, and it was a total shock to learn that it was in fact, his leg that caused him to be in the hopsital. If it's just his leg, why would he wish that he didn't exist in the beginning?

I have taken a few marks because you did not explain the background information. In terms of twists, if you had made a flashback to show how Baekhyun and Myungsoo were enemies and maybe the things that Myungsoo would do to make Baekhyun despise him, then the scene where Myungsoo came on Baekhyun's birthday would definitely be the significant twist. However, this did not happen and I did not feel any surprise at Myungsoo's appearance. 

On the other hand, I will give you credit for allowing Baekhyun to realise how lucky he is to have such special friends around him.

Content Descriptiveness (3/10)

As I mentioned before, you did not tell us in the story that Baekhyun was actually in the hospital. You only implied it by saying the white walls and magazines beside his desk. For all we know, Baekhyun could be in his bedroom. In the flashbacks, I didn't find much description therefore the setting I imagined will probably be a lot different to yours and this is a big problem. To enhance your future fanfictions, you should include description - not too much as you don't want to bore the reader but not too little either.

Grammar (11/15)

I wouldn't think that English is your first language because I came across many grammatical errors.

One major problem that I found throughout your story, would be that you switched from present tense to past, then vice versa. I noticed that whenever Baekhyun had a visitor, you would write in past tense but when Baekhyun is alone, you would switch to present, aside from a few mistakes. Writing in past is quite common therefore to many authors, it proved easier. It is up to you which tense to use but for future fanfictions, you should always stick to one (unless it's a flashback).

Here is a case of repetition, where it isn't used to emphasise something and it just makes the sentence sound weird.

Quote: It's like he is just woke up from a very long sleep as if he is just wake up from coma.

Correction: It's like he just woke up from a very long sleep, or a coma.

There are also time where you would forget to include a word(s) to make the sentence flow. I have provided two examples:

Quote: Myungsoo didn't reply him.

Correction: Myungsoo didn't reply to him.

Quote: Baekhyun poker faced.

Correction: Baekhyun gave his poker face.

It is informal to capitalise words. Italicising sentences and providing exclamation marks shows that the person is emhpasising their words.

Quote: GET YOUR HERE YOU MORON, WE MISS YOU.

Correction: Get your here you moron, we miss you!

The above sums up all the mistakes you have made so be sure to go over your story, proof read it and fix flaws up. Other than that, your grammar has proven to be satisfactory.
 

Taste of the Story (10/10)

I really did enjoy your story as the plot is unique. I loved how you revolved it around flowers, I kept feeling this pleasantly content emotion while reading your story. I think it's pretty exemplary for a one-shot and that you should be proud of yourself for developing this. I glanced at your sequel and I groaned when I saw your poster. It basically posseses everything I stated to clear up in the graphic category of this review. Well then... good job on that I guess...

I see your sequel isn't completed yet and I'm not sure if you're going to turn it into a chaptered story but if you do, I wish you the best of luck with that.

Score: 77.5/100

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