{Unexpected Meeting by shuwhara}

Story Title (4/5)

I really liked the title. It was subtle though it provided the readers an insight of what to expect - an unordinary love story. At least, that's what came to my mind when I saw your title. However, I can not give you full points because I feel as if this title doesn't have much correlation to your story. What part of this love story is so "unexpected" that it has the reader wanting to learn more? Personally, I felt as if this story was more about sacrifice and forcing love rather that a romantic story that is "unexpected".

Graphics (4/5)

The graphics are beautiful - you should thank the graphic designer for that. In some ways, your poster matches the story beautifully. Sooyoung and Kris look so happy in the pictures, and that's what love is all about. At certain points of the story, I saw the picture at the beginning of the chapter and thought to myself, "No way is Kris a gangster. He looks too professional in that picture to be one". All in all, the pretty poster gives off a happy feeling.

Description and Foreword (7/10)

I re Since you didn't have a foreword to give me a summary of what the story was going to be about, I will be basing this little portion of the review off the "Characters Introduction" chapter. 

The small background story of each chapter was highly appreciated, but I felt as if you didn't need to have so many characters. Taeyeon and Mir, for example, were unnecessary intros because they are such minor characters. I understand that you want to make character relations more clear, but sometimes, overloading on information causes the reader to lose the main point of the story, does that make sense? 

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (14/20)

 To be completely honest, your characters deserved so much more depiction. Each character plays their own important part in the story and I feel as if that should be emphasized.

Let's start off with the main character - Kris. Kris is supposed to be a gangster that always has his " face" with him. He should know better than to let his guard down when he meets Sooyoung after such a long time. After all, isn't he supposed to be the cold hearted gangster that everybody was scared if? Deep down, he has a trul kind and loving heart. It was only towards the end did I get that feeling. I knew it from the beginning, but I wasn't feeling any depiction of it throughout most of the story. His care towards his gang, Sooyoung, Hyomin, should all be tasteful in their own ways. To Hyomin, he is the best friend. Even if he has developed feelings for her, shouldn't he be convincing himself to not get worked up over that fact? Her heart obviously belongs to Luhan and since Kris is the best friend, he should have Hyomin's best regards in mind. 

Sooyoung is not depicted very well. I honestly forgot that she was supposed to be the main female lead until I reread a few chapters. And even in the characters' section, she wasn't listed first. Hyomin was. Therefore I thought Hyomin would be the one who was the main character and who Kris would end up with. Her past relationship with Wu Yi Fan should have been explained. How did they fall in love and why does their love leave such a huge impression in her heart that she isn't willing to let anyone else inside? When Sooyoung fals in love with Kris, what the heck happened to the feelings she held for Wu Yi Fan? If she really thinks that they are similar, shouldn't she be probing to see if she can learn more about Kris rather than letting everything slide?

Her love for Yi Fan is deep, so why would she be relenting in finding her first true love?

If I could, I'd try to give you small details about each character, but since there are so many, I think we should start with the two most important ones first. There were a lot of characters which I found unnecessary. Amber was one of those where I read the story and wondered what was so important about her. Kai as well. I'm not saying Kai shouldn't be in the story. I'm just wondering what is it about him that affects Kris' life so much? Describe Kai's hatred towards Kris when his loved ones were killed. Describe the brotherly love you claimed in the Characters' Intro Chapter that Kai apparently held for Kris. I need description! That's the one way to bring your story to real life, AU or not.

Originality (8/10) 

Since you didn't have a foreword to give me a summary of what the story was going to be about, I will be basing this little portion of the review off the character chart. Your story was very creative. I really liked the ending; unlike most stories, they didn't end up together. The positives of your story were that (1) The characters are original. Police and prisoner stories are a bit rare nowadays and I enjoyed reading about the investigative forces, (2) A lot of the storyline was screaming to the reader that trust is super important in any relationship. Even Baekhyun, who was shot by his best friend, trusted that Chanyeol had his reasons and forgave him by treating him as if it never happened, and (3) The ending wasn't cliche. I don't even know how much I have to emphasise things like this. Cliche endings to a creative and original story makes it so hard for readers like myself to accept. I enjoyed how Kris was Wu Yi Fan, so she's never loved more than one person. As they say, love comes in many different forms. You've done a great job proving that.

There's only one thing I could suggest fixing in your story in terms of originality; explain more of the gangs' purpose and who this Lee Soo Man person is. He seems to be the big boss, but his short appearance made me confused and why would Chaerin be with him? He and Chaerin helps create the angsty emotions of this story, and more description of those two will add on how interesting this story is.

Flow (2/5)

re The flow was, in my opinion, very choppy. I didn't understand why a lot of things were happening and at what times were they taking place. At the beginning, I had trouble keeping up with the characters' POV because you had so many characters. Most of your story is dialogue based so I had to re-read a lot of the conversations to figure out the girst of the story. Every scene was cookie-cutter short. Some scenes need more explanation (ex. Kris and Kai's strong relationship before gang days, Kris and Sooyoung when they are bonding, and Sooyoung remembering how Kris saved her - how did he save her anyways? I can't really remember.) while others you can take out completely (ex. Sandara and Kai? What importance do they really hold to the story? Chanyeol's character needs more explanation too!) Cleaning up somce scenes with more vivid description will help your plot flow much more smoothly.

Conflict twists (10/10)

re Perfect score! I absolutely loved your plot twists! You caught me completely off guard when Sooyoung actually managed to stay strong and let Kris be taken by the police. I absolutely loved that Chanyeol was the one who shot Baekhyun - being his best friend and all. However, the scene(s) I loved most were the ending and how both of them managed to move on in life without the other. Heck, that's real life. Life isn't perfect and one has to live with it. Beautiful content author-nim! Head over heels for your far-from-cliche ideas!

Content Descriptiveness (3/10)

I feel like I've stressed enough over the course of this review. I really hope to see some more emotions being built up over the course of the story (or sequel, since you are writing one). Since these characters are of your creating, you have the ability to shape and shift them into any kind of people you'd like. These characters are malleable so I'd suggest you use that factor to the best of your ability. Length to a story is a good thing, or it can be a bad thing. Most people would rather read a short story filled with long descriptive scenes rather than a long story that has no feelings emanating from anybody whatsover. Let me give you one example. When you said that Kris can't believe that Sooyoung still has the alpaca doll and remembers him, portray those emotions through his actions. (Ex. I couldn't believe that she still remembered me; well the old me. Looking at the furry little doll in my large hands, I felt all my pent up emotions for Sooyoung that I had when we were together in the past welling up in my stomach again. Even though I left her in favor of gangs and underground societies, she never gave up on me. Cringing slightly at the stupid mistake I made so many years ago for leaving Sooyoung, I pushed the tingly feelings in my stomach back down and avoided her gaze, hoping that I would somehow manage to keep my cold attitude. Even towards her. The one who could make my heart beat faster than a broken metronome.) I don't know if that example will help or not, but that's an example you could use for future reference!

Grammar (9/15)

Being that English isn't your first language, I'm quite impressed with your story. The few things I noticed were that you don't use the correct tense in a lot of your dialogues, If something has already happened, keep it so that when the character talks, they act as if the event has already passed and are reminiscing about it. It can get confusing sometimes so maybe a beta reader would be an option? There are also places where you leave out articles such as "the, a, it, etc..."

This doesn't have to do with grammar but I want to re-emphasize that though dialogue is key to helping a storyline move forward, description is what brings everything ot life!

Taste of the Story (8/10)

che id This isn't our typical story of lovestruck teenagers or college kids, so it definitely earned you high scores! Many characters needed more depiction (or be taken out completely), but the ending was splended. This is a story that will be stuck in a reader's mind for a while after they finish it. I was imrpessed with your ideas and how unexpected everything came. I hope that I've been able to provide a satisfactory review! All in all, this was an enjoyable read and I can't wait to see what other masterpieces you can/will create! Hwaiting author-nim!

Score: 69/100

Please comment your feedback on your review.

Thank you for requesting.

Support us

 Please credit using the banner above and make sure it links back to the shop.

We hope this review has benefited you.

feel free to request again with another fanfiction. :)