If I Lose You
LUST reviews >> archive > main shop accepting requests!
Title (5/5)
At first glance, the title wasn’t very interesting to me and I couldn’t decide whether or not the title actually held a deep meaning. It wasn’t until a few chapters later that I realized how well the title fit the story. I may have different interpretations than you regarding the title but I felt that “If I lose you” fit well with Baekhyun’s feelings towards Sehun. The title also fit well with Sehun’s feelings towards Luhan and vice versa. It’s hard to explain but regardless, I felt that the title suited the story, whether it was intentional or by accident on your part.
Graphics (4/5)
When I review graphics, I review everything and that includes the poster, background, trailer and anything else that you might have that fits under “graphics”. I felt like the trailer was very well done and I even watched it a couple of times. The music as well the images/scenes were well chosen, though I wish there was more Baekhyun in the trailer. The wordings went perfectly along with each scene and portrayed the story as well. HOWEVER, I took a point off because as much as I loved the trailer I realized after a while that the story was horror. The trailer didn’t give much of a feeling of horror. I don’t know if you wanted that intentionally but I felt like it would draw more readers in if you leaned more heavily on the horror part since that’s what your story is based off on. The poster and the background are nice and they do give off a certain dark mood.
Description and Foreword: (9/10)
I loved the foreword and it drew me in immediately to the story. However, I had read the description first of course and I must say I had to read it more than a couple of times for it to make sense. There is something awkward about the wording and I felt like you could have wrote something better to hook the readers in. When readers are scrolling down a page of fanfics, they see the title and the description along with other information. Since the title is not eye-catching and it doesn’t stand out, the description is the next thing to draw the readers in. But I’m sure the # of subscribers would have drawn them in Oh and did I mention that the links in your foreword to the reviews from other shops lead to pages that do not exist anymore?
Story Layout: (5/5)
Everything’s fine concerning the layout of the story. You did space the story into paragraphs and even gave spaces between each of Baekhyun’s thoughts, giving a nice eerie feeling to it. Though it would have been if you had bolded them.
Plot: (30/30)
Definitely refreshing and in no way is it cliché. It’s starting to get easy for writers in the horror genre to get cliché due to the increase in the number of stories in this genre in the past year. However, I felt like you managed to pull in something new and original. Though the “horror” part was lacking in the first few chapters, you managed to pull the reader right back in with the sudden “horror” twists which was nice. Hopefully you will continue to keep the story as interesting as it is now
Characterization: (10/10)
Definitely a perfect score on this. I felt like each of the characters were given their own respective time for development and explanation of identity. Sehun’s was especially nice. Luhan’s had been lacking in the beginning but you slowly started to bring in his identity after a couple of chapters. Baekhyun’s did leave me a bit hungry, but it is quite understandable due to the fact that he is a hard character. I especially loved Hani’s characterization as well as the characterization of the other minor characters (the schoolmates, Kai, Luhan’s mom, etc. ) Keep up the good work
Content Description (10/10)
You had nice word choice and kept things simple for the most part. You described the “scary” moments well and managed to keep the reader in a sense of thrill for every chapter. I was left feeling a bit unsatisfied at the “fluff” or “intimate” moments, but it was really good overall.
Flow: (4/5)
I was a bit disappointed at the beginning due to the lack of Baekhyun’s POV, especially when the description and the foreword of the story were mainly about him. I realize that you started to give him more of a presence later on so that was fine. There were some moments here and there that I felt like you rushed on so I took a point off for that. Remember, even the small scenes deserve some attention. You don’t have to drag it out buy descriptive word choice and good syntax go a long way.
Grammar: (8/10)
Not too much to say on grammar. Some spelling and grammar mistakes here and there. Sometimes the wording is awkward or confusing and I have to re-read it again. Other than that, it’s perfectly fine. I do like the word choice.
Taste of the Story: (10/10)
To be honest, I was a bit wary of this story when I first read the title and the tags, but oh my lord, I don’t regret reading your story at all. I was surprised ( no offense) at how well written it actually was. This story definitely deserves more attention!
I loved the idea of this story! It was definitely new and fresh and something I haven’t seen in a while! I feel like you got some inspiration from the Korean horror movie series “Death bell” and the kdrama Cheer up!/Sassy Go Go. Lol maybe not? Either way I love this story and it’s definitely something I’ll be keeping an eye on!:) I would recommend this story to plenty of people. Be careful, someone might steal your idea and make it into a movie!;)
I loved the idea of this story! It was definitely new and fresh and something I haven’t seen in a while! I feel like you got some inspiration from the Korean horror movie series “Death bell” and the kdrama Cheer up!/Sassy Go Go. Lol maybe not? Either way I love this story and it’s definitely something I’ll be keeping an eye on!:) I would recommend this story to plenty of people. Be careful, someone might steal your idea and make it into a movie!;)
TOTAL: (95/100)
Thank you for requesting at LUST review shop.
Comments