Deception - 75.5
LUST reviews >> archive > main shop accepting requests!deception
reviewed by exoexoexolellel
the request.
AUTHOR » MirrorGirl
STORY status » Ongoing
chapters reviewed » 19
genres » Angst, Romance, Supernatural, Fantasy, Werewolf
description » Having a mate is a gift from the goddess and going against the goddess' will would lead to consequences.
" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself."
" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "
title (3)
appeal » 2/2
correlation » 1/2
CLARITY » 0/1
Single-word titles are always a winner and I think Deception provides for a mysterious vibe, very much capable of pulling readers in. At this stage, I would like to see more correlation between the title and storyline. I can link the title with several aspects of your story, like the espionage situation with Jina-Gayeon (since discovered) and now the whole voodoo situation. However, I would prefer to see a direct connection and answer as to why you've decided to name your story 'Deception'. Nevertheless, I have high hopes for how the significance of the title will be made clear and am very excited for when it will be revealed.
graphics (5)
APPEAL OF THE poster » 2/2
correlation to the story » 2/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 1/1
The poster is quite simple and emits a dark and mysterious aura. The title is clear and convenient to make out which is a very big plus. Positioning of the main characters is well-placed and adds to the suspensful vibe. It's also very effective for the poster to have a matching background, as that can elevate the reading experience. The only suggestion I would make is perhaps making the image of the werewolf in the background a little clearer. One eye is obscured and difficult to see, so it's a little strange to make out only one eye. Otherwise, I'm very happy with the graphics.
description and foreword (7)
APPEAL of the description » 4/4
appropriateness of the description » 1/4
organisation of description and foreword » 2/2
Description and Foreword are layed out immacutely, which is a very good thing. On first glance, the Description provides an engaging introduction to Jungkook and Jaein's characters. It provides for compelling information without revealing too much. However, reading back on the Description after going through your chapters, I can see a better link to Jungkook's passage more than I can see Jaein's. The story constantly mentions that Jungkook left the pack to train to be the next Alpha and of the occurrence that changed his life "for the better or worse". These points make Jungkook's passage relevant. Notwithstanding this, I can't say the same for the middle sentence, especially as you've introduced that point as if the readers were going to see through Jungkook's eyes. As this is not the case, I would advise against revealing such specific information, "From the day he was a pup, he had always dreamed of being together with his mate...". We don't really see that line of thought from Jungkook in your chapters. Alternatively, you could edit that sentence in a way that perhaps hints that Jungkook felt this way, rather than plainly stating that he was disappointed when he could not find his mate. Lastly, I also want to make it a point that we don't see much of Jungkook's perspective. The majority of your current chapters are written in Jaein's perspective. Thus, I find it peculiar that you would introduce Jungkook's passage first.
With Jaein's part, I see little significance between her background and history, and her goal to find her mate. These two pieces of information made an appearance and were solved in the first few chapters. The readers are already told that Jieun returned from the US and that Jungkook is indeed her mate. Unlike Jungkook's introduction, there is no more mystery to Jaein's role according to the Description, because her US trip and desire to find her mate is all that you let on.
story layout (5)
consistency of font, font size and divisions » 3/3
overall appeal and organisation of chapters » 2/2
Font, sizing of font and spatial divisions were all kept very neat. This is a very beneficial thing as it does lots to maintain the readers' reading flow. Keep up with the consistency.
PLOT (25)
APPEAL OF the base storyline » 10/10
the effect of events » 7/10
development of plot » 8/10
The storyline is littered with various complications to keep the readers hooked and excited. I think the recurring focus on the werewolf theme as the main driver for how the characters react to different occurrences, acts as a backbone for your fanfiction and I commend you on this effort. The use of events is very effective, as each new problem pushes the story along and develops the way characters grow their personalities. The only thing I would be a little weary of, in relation to your use of events, would be pinpointing which issues are the main focus of the story, as I feel a lot has happened to Jaein alone and it may be simply too much for one character to take. She plays victim to a lot of unfortunate situations and I would suggest considering how fluidly all these events go together, and more importantly, which ones are the most significant to the characters and the storyline. Too many complications that don't appear entirely important to the fanfiction results in a very fragmented plot and an unclear direction as to what the story's about. For example, the focus from the start to the current point in the story shifted from the issue of Jaein being barren to the rogue's witch vengeance against Jungkook. Nevertheless, I can see many avenues that you have opened up for Deception to cruise through as a result of the many obstacles you have written about, which promises the reader lots of drama and intensity.
Although you are well ahead of the introductory chapters, I want to make a point of the necessity of further background to the story. A lot of components were thrown on the readers without sufficient explanation. Examples would be the very quick rundown of Jungkook's alpha training, the constant hint of Jaein's shameful act (being excessive of chemicals to reduce her heat) in a handful of chapters despite the story being narrated in Jaein's point of view (meaning the readers should know just as much as she does), and the branding of positions of the werewolves in their pack. On this last example, the first few chapters lacked context and explanation about how the werewolf hierarchy works. You shouldn't assume that the readers have pre-requisite knowledge of these roles. In addition to this, I've noticed in more recent chapters (i.e. later chapters) that you are still distinguishing who's who. For example, you name Hoseok and then you tell the readers he's gamma. Both points of identification are necessary only when the readers need to be introduced to the character, on the basis that they do not know Hoseok is also the gamma of the pack. Labelling him this so late in the story is just repetition, and it has no effect.
A final note to keep in mind is the constant introduction of different supernatural components. Since the supernatural isn't realistic, every concept should be treated as a completely new idea to the reader. So far I think you've done an exemplary job in narrating through the werewolf aspects, as you give thorough explanation about how a particular idea works and impacts the storyline, but adding witchery as an additional theme can complicate the mix. So far, I think you have an acceptable control over it, but just bear in mind every new idea, like runes, use of voodoo dolls and sorcery powers, all add up to the batch of unrealistic topics and it may become overwhelming for the readers.
characterisation (8)
development of characters » 4/5
character influence on the story » 4/5
Across the board, I think you have a very strong foundation in your characters. I can see that you're sure of who your characters are and what role they play in the story in order for the plot to progress and to keep the readers engaged. The various events as explained above has major implications for your characters, especially Jaein and Jungkook, and it's really critical to see how the characters learn and develop from the complications. I think this section can be improved with more description about how certain characters respond to situations. More of this will be discussed in the next category, Content Description. Background information for some of the major charactes, like how Jaein, Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung started out as best friends, are very important to setting out the storyline. I would recommend directing more focus on the roles that Jimin and Taehyung play to support Jaein and Jungkook, given the four's tight history. At the moment, it seems they are only brought in only when they are needed, or when it's convenient to. As you review the rest of your completed chapters, you should bear in the mind the significance of each character and ensure your main ones are constantly developing - particularly Jaein and Jungkook. By the end of the story, they should be completely different from who they were at the start, either for better or worse. Otherwise, I think you're doing really well in this category!
content description (6.5)
quantity » 3/5
quality » 3.5/5
Overall, I think you have a very strong talent for description. I commend you for your mix of truncated and elongated sentences, as the former provides emphasis in getting across your point and also acts as a well-deserved change in reading flow. You don't overuse short sentences either, which makes it that much more effective on the reader. Additionally, some areas were thoroughly elaborated, which I felt didn't drag on for too long and was perfect in setting the storyline.
Having said that, there are several parts of the story where description was necessary but lacked thereof. Some major ones were the absence of description of the wedding location (weddings are prominent events and allow a lot of room for description), and establishing which characters were present at any scene (there were abrupt narrations of side characters without any introduction, so the scene wasn't set out for the readers). Another key area where description was lacking was the simple appearance of your main characters. Even though you are utilising the images of the BTS idols, you shouldn't neglect describing what they look like, or how they dress (as a less obvious note). You should assume that every detail in your story is completely hidden from the readers until you expose them. Describing the appearances of your characters also boosts the excitement for the readers - personally I would have enjoyed the current chapters far better if I knew what Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin (in this story) looked like. It would also give the readers something to work with in their minds rather than just letting them picture whatever they want to picture.
Another point of concern is your use of character perspective. It's interesting to see you choose the second-person style of narration. Typically, it's quite challenging for an author to write well in second-person, simply because the use of 'you' may be too demanding on some readers. This means that if readers don't click with your character (Jieun) or aren't engaged in the storyline, they wouldn't appreciate the enforcement of 'you' on them. To say whether or not the use of second-person is an issue itself is something for you to decide. I would like to bring attention instead to the fact that because you have chosen to narrate in second-person, you shouldn't reveal any other character's thoughts and feelings. This is also the case if you are to narrate in first or third person but particularly so when using second. Throwing us directly into Jieun's character invalidates the option for you to switch us to other characters' point of view - for example, Jungkook's or Jimin's. This means that you shouldn't (I want to say 'can't' but at the end of the day, it is your decision) narrate in anyone else's perspective other than our perspective (i.e. Jieun's). It simply doesn't make sense for us to know what others are truly thinking and feeling if we are Jieun. There are several - though not as frequent as I would have expected, which is good - sections in your story where you delved into other characters' lines of thought and emotions, which ultimately should not be revealed to the readers (i.e. Jieun). Here is an extract from Chapter 7:
His son did tell him the truths of that night, but it was only between family.
Knowing his son’s prideful nature, he wouldn’t have told his friends of his honest mistake, so it must have been Jina who spilled the beans.
But why?
She was the one who said that she didn’t mind dying. There was no reason for her to say anything to anyone, especially when he, the alpha, made it known to her that she wouldn’t be a Luna even if she gives birth to a son. They were still trying to find out why someone would want to drug his son during his training. The only enemies he knew of were the rogues and the illegal rogue hunters, nobody else. And it was a training ground overseen by the werewolf council, not anyone can go in and out of the place undetected, except those who have been staying there, like Jina.
The only lead and evidence he had was the needle his son brought to him after his training, which he had already sent over to the pack’s forensics department to have it carefully examined.
“Sir?” Jimin called out, cutting his train of thoughts and he looked up.
Clearing his throat, he leaned back on his couch, thinking of a way to answer the youngsters in front of him.
“There’s no known and definite way of changing one’s destiny, so it’s not recorded anywhere, including in the books that you guys read.” He said honestly, looking at them apologetically.
This whole extract is written from the Alpha's point of view, which should not have been the case. The only acceptable lines are Jimin's calling out and the Alpha looking up, and the last sentence, where the Alpha looked at the others apologetically. Everything else reveals the Alpha's true thoughts and logic, which again, doesn't make sense if the readers are assessing the situation from Jieun's perspective. This was a big one that I came across, but please bear in mind there are other instances where you switched perspectives / revealed another character's mind.
For more minor issues, I want to single out Chapter 6 to provide examples on how you can improve your writing. Some issues surfaced in other chapters as well but I found the most issues in this chapter and hope you can take away some tips for future chapters. Let me know if you need further clarification on anything.
The moment his scent infiltrated your nose when Taehyung opened the door, you tensed and gripped harder on Jimin’s bare shoulders subconsciously.
To me it's pretty clear that 'his' refers to Jungkook, but I still want to make sure that you're being careful with concealing his name in scenes where there're multiple male characters. In this chapter, Jieun was with Taehyung and Jimin before Jungkook entered, so it may confuse some readers who 'his' refers to. There were a couple of other instances where it was a little more obscure than this example so just be a bit more aware and ensure that it's very clear to the readers. Otherwise, I can definitely appreciate the romantic tension between Jieun and Jungkook by constantly saying 'he' and 'his'.
Looking up at him and wanting to tell him off, you took a sharp intake of breath when he wrapped his arms around your back and pressed his lips on yours.
In this part of your fic, the transition into romance with Jungkook was very sudden. From the start of the story, you kept Jungkook away from Jieun so we didn't gain much insight into his character. This abrupt change would relate more to Flow, but I wanted to make a point here that incoprorating more description about Jungkook's current persona would have definitely eased the readers into the romance a little better. Knowing the type of person he was at that stage in the storyline would have gone a long to way to justify his actions - for example, kissing Jieun despite having a wife and being seemingly (at the time) devoted to her. Now it's a little different as you're slowly introducing more events between Jaein and Jungkook, so I'm just referring to at an earlier section, where we saw little of Jungkook's persona. The actual content of the romance is written very nicely, however, so that area is fine.
“I can’t help it. I’m part animal and I have little control over my wolf who only needed and wanted her mate.”
Jimin turned to Taehyung who narrowed his eyes at you,
“You didn’t enjoy it?” He suddenly asked and you were flustered.
Jimin choked on his saliva and went into a coughing fit.
“I…I…” You were speechless.
“I have to tend to Jina.” You took your medical bag and escaped with flushed cheeks.
Jina was looking at you as you did her usual medical check-up.
Regarding Taehyung's question, I personally did not find your message clear enough. If he "suddenly asked" Jaein whether she enjoyed her kiss with Jungkook, followed by Jimin's shocked response, are you meaning that the boys expected Jaein to enjoy the kiss but she let on that she didn't? Hence their surprised reactions? Perhaps I'm missing something here. If it makes sense to you, then you don't really need to edit anything, but I'm still confused to this (rather small) aspect so hopefully there's no harm in considering re-phrasing your sentences to make your meaning a little bit clearer.
The next issue I'd like to mention within above extract is the very rapid transition to a scene with Jina. Even though you introduced that you would push the story along (by having Jieun announce she will now see Jina), you should add more words to ease the readers into the change of scene. Particularly in this case, you are making Jieun move to another room, so it would be ideal to add one or two more lines. Leaving it as it is, is simply insufficient and doesn't make the change in scene clear enough to the reader. So far across the other chapters, you've done well to describe change in settings, so just keep it up and be aware of how much you're saying at each instance.
Jina’s lips twitched at how aloof you were being. Although your answer was short, it was enough of a sign for her to try and converse with you. She saw how you acted around Jimin and Taehyung the past few days and you didn’t seem like a bad person, but you were just stuck to your principles. She saw you smiled for the first time today when you entered the packhouse and saw how Jungkook grabbed you into the lounge almost right away. The talk took a while and she was worried that both of you were fighting, so she took the liberty of trying to stop the fight by interrupting the ‘talk’.
This section refers to a non-ideal change in perspective as discussed above. Again, as your chapters are predominantly kept to Jieun's point of view, we shouldn't be privy to any other character's true thoughts and feelings. Accordingly, unless Jieun deduces Jina's thoughts off words, actions and reactions, we shouldn't be told what Jina is actually feeling or thinking. It's completely fine for you to know as the author. However, the readers are Jieun, not Jina, therefore you shouldn't plainly tell us. To break it down, the first sentence, "Jina's lips twitched at how aloof you were being", is acceptable because Jieun perceived Jina's lips twitch and made an inference that Jina reacted to how aloof Jieun was being. It would be more acceptable to make clear Jieun's assumption about why she thinks Jina twitched her lips, rather than saying "at how aloof you were being" as a fact. The next sentence draws close to the line - Jieun could still be able to make that inference off Jieun, but you need to make it clear that we are still in Jieun's perspective and not sidetrack to Jina's. The remaining sentences of the paragraph are completely in Jina's point of view, which are not acceptable as the rest of the chapter is narrated through Jieun, so you should change it to make it all assumptions by Jieun and ensure consistency in perspectives. Hopefully, this is clear enough now because this issue is constant throughout your chapters, and you can let me know if you need further explanation.
Do I?
It wouldn’t hurt to know… would it?
If Jieun's line of thinking isn't too long, there's no need to separate the sentences. As a rule of thumb, if thoughts or dialogue extend beyond three lines then it would be safe to split into paragraphs.
The Alpha hummed in reply.
Here, I found it a bit peculiar that you would label each character by their name but neglect to reveal the Alpha's identity. Perhaps you mean for this to happen? I just found a stark contrast between constant mention of characters (Jina, Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin, etc) earlier in the chapter, and then a sudden (and maybe mysterious) veil on the Alpha's name. If intentional, it would be fine to leave it as it is, so long as you give some indication later on as to why this was required.
His sudden presence scared the out of all of you, especially when none of your minds were fully alert.
Be careful of colloquialism here. Generalisation is acceptable in character dialogue, but in between lines of narration you should stick to a more formal style of writing, which you have been doing in the majority of Deception. I will also make it a side note that 'scared the out of all of you' may come across weirdly, again because of the use of second-person perspective. If readers don't use the phrase (and some may be against vulgar language), it'll be difficult for the readers to relate to Jieun's way of talking, hence making it harder for them to absorb the story in second-person.
You simply laughed at the glare they threw at you and proceeded to return the books to their rightful places while deciding to bring those that you haven’t read home.
Finally, I wanted to question this line to end your chapter. The last sentence of a chapter gives authors the opportunity to induce suspense and curiosity. Particularly, with my eye for detail combined with an intention to review your story, I'm hoping for the last half of the sentence to carry on some meaning sooner or later, being 'deciding to bring those you haven't read home.' This makes me question whether said books hold some significance to your plot. Should we retain this detail in the back of our minds? You should weave in vital points of information or red herrings near or as the last few sentences of your chapters to prolong intensity. As discussed in Plot, I can see that you have very promising components to Deception, and the ending line of your chapter can be effective to boost the readers' interest.
flow (3/5)
suitability of the flow » 1/2
your control of the pace » 2/3
So far I think you have a relatively good handle on the flow of the story. What I'm really liking is the tasteful and necessary description dedicated to new events and few sudden introductions that may catch the readers off-guard. As touched on in Content Description, some actions of Jungook's were questionable due to the lack of description about him earlier in the story - perhaps incorporating a lead-up before the romance scene (although as you have written far ahead already, it is still fine to leave the chapters as they are) or more inferences about Jungkook from Jieun's perspective would have assisted. Otherwise, it's really compelling on the readers to take your time in narrating events - especially now, where you're taking us slowly through the main characters' romantic interactions - and allocating enough attention to Jieun's thoughts about characters and peculiar situations.
However, there are some sections that lack description, ultimately affecting the general reading flow. Again, this relates more to Content Description, but because of the occasional lack of substance, the result is that some situations or events turn out to feel very rushed. I want to draw out two examples to showcase how the flow may have been sped up a few paces too fast. Here is an extract from Chapter 14:
The six rogues were brought to the pack prison and the four of you shifted back to your human forms after clothes were thrown to you. You wore an oversized navy blue t-shirt while Laura wore a black oversized t-shirt, both wearing a pair of boxers underneath the shirts. Both Taehyung and Jungkook were just wearing a pair of basketball shorts and remained shirtless.
Objectively, I think this section of the story deserved more description. Physical combats can be narrated in a million different ways, and especially in fics that feature the supernatural, battles shouldn't be glossed over. It can be used effectively to engage the reader and hype their excitement. The only time skipping the general gist of fights would be considered okay, is if the story featured multiple fights to the point where it becomes more effective to merely run over a battle within a few lines. In Deception, there are very few battles, so I think this extract deserves more content. The lack of description is made even more obvious because it looks like you've given more description to what the characters are wearing (or not wearing). Would this mean clothes are more important that combats in your story? From hereon, you should consider which aspects of the chapter are important and require more narration so as to ease the reader into the significant parts of the plot. Put focus on events, characters, conversations and interactions, as appropriately required.
Another example is the transition from Chapter 14 to Chapter 15. The outro of Chapter 14 is amusing and playful, concluding the drama that was unfolding earlier in the chapter. Then we jump straight into it at the start of Chapter 15. I would recommend easing the reader back into the drama so that the reading flow is a smooth up and down curve, instead of abrupt escalation and drops. Alternatively, you can edit the ending of Chapter 14 - play down the drama less, so that we can continue the contemplation of problems, rather than trying to jump back into it. This would alleviate a rushed pacing of the story.
grammar (6)
punctuation » 2/4
spelling » 1/2
vocabulary » 2/2
tense collisions » 1/2
There are several grammatical errors throughout your chapters. I made some corrections below, but please note they aren't all that I found. The biggest issues were spelling errors and the tag-verb collision. I found frequent mistakes in spelling so if you don't think you can catch them out on another round of edit, I suggest getting a beta-reader to help you out. For the tag-verb collisions, if you end a dialogue with 'said', 'yelled, 'whispered', etc, you should use a comma ( , ). If you end the dialogue with a character's action, you should use a period ( . ). Some examples are below. Let me know if this doesn't make sense to you. Other than that, keep up the good work!
Chapter 5
His words made your lips twitched but you pulled yourself away from the hug.
His words made your lips twitch but you pulled yourself away from the hug.
“True.” Jimin shrugged and stopped covering his cuts with plasters, “and to answer your question,...
“True,” Jimin shrugged and stopped covering his cuts with plasters, “and to answer your question,...
I want to make clear here that even though 'Jimin shrugged and stopped covering his cuts with plasters' is an action sentence, your choice to continue the dialogue over the action sentence requires the comma. Alternatively, if you were to not split the dialogue, you would capitalise the second sentence:
“True.” Jimin shrugged and stopped covering his cuts with plasters. “And to answer your question,...
“That’s what makes me a good doctor.” You said with your eyes closed, trying to lighten up the mood.
“That’s what makes me a good doctor,” you said with your eyes closed, trying to lighten up the mood.
Chapter 6
You hit his shoulder in response. “Put me down.” You whispered and Jimin did.
You hit his shoulder in response. “Put me down,” you whispered and Jimin did.
Simply waving them off, you told them to go wash up and let Jungkook dragged you to the lounge, locking the door so that nobody comes in.
Simply waving them off, you told them to go wash up and let Jungkook drag you to the lounge, locking the door so that nobody comes in.
“I had some things to discuss with Jungkook, I’ll see you after I wash up.” You said and walked away.
“I had some things to discuss with Jungkook, I’ll see you after I wash up,” you said and walked away.
Jimin turned to Taehyung who narrowed his eyes at you,
Jimin turned to Taehyung who narrowed his eyes at you.
It wasn’t any of their faults, but you were too hard on them, especially Jina.
It wasn’t any of their fault, but you were too hard on them, especially Jina.
Wiping your eyes with your sleeves and Jina’s eyes softened, pulling you into a hug but her baby bump making it harder to get any closer.
This sentence is a bit awkward as you're incorporating both Jieun and Jina's actions with explanation. Here are some alternatives:
You wiped your eyes with your sleeves as Jina's eyes softened. She pulled you into a hug but her baby bump made it hard to stay close.
Watching you wipe your eyes on your sleeves, Jina's eyes softened and she pulled you into a hug, though her baby bump made it hard to get close.
It hurts you to say that but you needed something to make up for the pain you gave her.
It hurted you to say that but you needed something to make up for the pain you gave her.
Make sure you stick to past tense. This may also be a spelling error but there are other similar cases, so I'm unsure whether you're confused with using past tense consistently or if they are simply spelling mistakes.
In the end, you were the only one left away.
In the end, you were the only one left awake.
“We just suddenly… decide to broaden our knowledge?” Taehyung responded in a question and you closed your eyes, slapping his head in your mind.
“We just suddenly… decided to broaden our knowledge?” Taehyung responded in a question and you closed your eyes, slapping his head in your mind.
Chapter 8
“My parent didn’t want me to go back.” You said and your friend laughed.
“My parent didn’t want me to go back,” you said and your friend laughed.
Raising your head, you held your up high and put your medical bag down on the dining table before pouring yourself a glass of water.
Raising your head, you held your head up high and put your medical bag down on the dining table before pouring yourself a glass of water.
taste of story (7)
personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 4/5
influence of flow and grammar » 2/4
length of your story » 1/1
Personally I'm a fan of werewolf fanfictions so you basically had me from the start. I'm really surprised that you have such a good handle on the plot so far, I love that you take your time mulling over events and what it means for Jieun and the others. Keeps the readers enthralled. Even though I discussed the risks of using second-person narration, I do in fact relate to Jieun's way of thinking, so it's a green light from me. I particularly love the roles that Jimin and Taehyung play as best friends, and the stirring drama with Jungkook and the rogues. The frequent mistakes in grammar was the biggest letdown for me, along with the lack of description as discussed in half of the categories above, but you shouldn't take this as your personal downfall as I really can't fight against my severe attention to detail. My basic instinct is to hunt for errors and I rarely let anything slip by. If you're worried that you won't be able to pick up on the grammatical errors and lack of description, I would suggest having some of your friends and/or family look at your chapters and see what they think. Often, we struggle to see the flaws in ourselves, and that's perfectly normal.
Overall, I'm very eager to see how the rest of the storyline unfolds as I'm very much in love with your characters, which is a response I don't experience often in reviewing. I actually commenced this review a few months ago but wasn't able to complete in within a few days like I usually do and you kept posting new chapters so I was struggling to update the review in time lol. You put in a request with nine chapters and now there are 19. I literally had to sit myself down and say 'it's now or never' over and over again. I think I can speak for the both of us when I say studying + full time work + managing AFF makes life absolutely nutty. Deception is a story I would definitely keep an eye on. Well done and best of luck with the rest of it!
total score (75.5)
thank you for requesting at lust. we hope you will provide feedback.
Comments