Secret Heartbreaks
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Title (4/5)
For a oneshot like this, I do believe that 'Secret Heartbreaks' is sufficient. I will admit that it's a bit bland for a story, and I would have hoped that you could have built some kind of hidden meaning to it, but that's just my personal preference. I understand if your view on one-shots is just a short story, and it is indeed difficult to embed detailed content into it let alone weave a correlated indepth title.
Graphics (0/5)
There are no graphics for this oneshot so I cannot give any marks in this section.
Description and Foreword: (10/10)
The layout is quite aesthetic, and the dull tint with the grey adds on to the secretive motive of the oneshot. It creates a vibe which tells the viewer something important is being revealed and perhaps hasn't been revealed yet. I like how you embed the chapter title shadowing the story title. The anonymous quote is very relatable to the story, it's almost unecessary for me to comment that it's spot on. The description gives the audience an insight to the plot, and rhetorical questions are effectively used to draw readers in. Your Description and Foreword is unflawed; a very well done in this category.
P.S you spelt 'contest' wrong as 'contsest' in the Foreword.
Story Layout: (5/5)
You've kept the corresponding layout as in your Foreword to your chapter, which follows everything up. The only thing that I would comment on is, maybe your font is a tad small that may bother some readers.
Plot: (20/30)
To start off with, the reigning idea of the plot is quite cliche, and there's not much you can give a twist to in a one-shot. I like the idea of starting the story with the present, flashbacking it to two different times in the past, and then ending it with the present again. It seems like an engaging storyline, with the three heartbreaks, but if we're talking aesthetics, I personally don't find it intriguing. Simply put, it would be the lack of content to evoke a powerful emotion in response to Jimin's attempts to make Yoongi his. There's no fiery spark to it, if you are able to understand what I'm trying to get at; nothing mindblowing to brighten it up and make the story go 'bam this is Aliscookiemonster's fanfic and like no other storyline'.
Characterization: (7/10)
The only clear development we can gather from this one-shot, would be Jimin as he narrates the past and present. We see him mull over Yoongi, and then finally realising he has to move on, but we don't get much from character development from Jungkook and Yoongi. We just know that they are head over heels for each other.
Content Description (10/10)
It's not hard to see that you wouldn't have a problem in this category as you start the one-shot beautifully with content description. Describing scenes efficiently creates the atmosphere in which the readers experience and I'll say you've done an excellent job with that. Nice work!
Flow: (5/5)
The heartbreaks are in chronological order, and you start and end the Secret Heartbreaks with the present. Everything flows very smoothly, which is essentially what we want.
The heartbreaks are in chronological order, and you start and end the Secret Heartbreaks with the present. Everything flows very smoothly, which is essentially what we want.
Grammar: (10/10)
I found very few grammatical mistakes, which is quite excellent. Below is what I managed to scrape up.
I found very few grammatical mistakes, which is quite excellent. Below is what I managed to scrape up.
"But I guess that's how your you're supposed to act when you're in love, right?"
"I adjusted my collar, my grip on a rose I had planned to give him grew growing harder."
""Umm... Yoongi?" a soft voice said, interrupting my thoughts. I didn't notice Yoongi already standing in front of me, his eyes wide as he stared at me."
[An elipsis (...) usually contains three periods, not two. And for the underlined 'Yoongi', did you mean Jimin? That would make more sense.]
"my eyes darting from place to place so that I won't didn't have to meet his eyes."
[Keep in past tense. For the next three sentences, you've missed the full stop that ends a sentence (so after "anything", "smile" and "couldn't".]
""We're getting married on in February!""
[It would make sense if you kept "But I had to" after "It hurt to let go", except you put "my feelings left with them too" instead, which doesn't really correlate well with the "but". If this isn't clear... It hurt to let go. > My feelings left with them too. > But I had to. Is that clearer?]
"..., this us is for you."
Taste of the Story: (2/10)
It's difficult for me to favour one-shots simply because they lack content. For me, Secret Heartbreaks lacked situation, and with it, content. The story started and ended in the same room, and others might strongly support that, but it was the most off-putting for me. I guess what I was supposed to feel is that sympathy for Jimin, but I couldn't, even when I'm spotting all these abrupt full stops to symbolise the pain of which Jimin suffers through. Again it would have to do with me and my picky building-up to a . However, Secret Heartbreaks was still a nice read nonetheless :). It was just the emotion that I didn't end up experiencing.
It's difficult for me to favour one-shots simply because they lack content. For me, Secret Heartbreaks lacked situation, and with it, content. The story started and ended in the same room, and others might strongly support that, but it was the most off-putting for me. I guess what I was supposed to feel is that sympathy for Jimin, but I couldn't, even when I'm spotting all these abrupt full stops to symbolise the pain of which Jimin suffers through. Again it would have to do with me and my picky building-up to a . However, Secret Heartbreaks was still a nice read nonetheless :). It was just the emotion that I didn't end up experiencing.
TOTAL: (73/100)
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