{Sunshine Girls by Flower-Of-May}

Story Title (3/5)

It's a very nice, appealing title - probably something I would click on if I were scrolling through fanfictions. Of course I'd opt for the angst stories first, but that's just me. However, I don't see why they are sunshine girls, because really, they're anything but. Maybe you've slipped a hint in and I'm just overlooking it, but I don't see correlation between your title and story of any sort. To be honest, because you've put the story perspective through the five girls, I'd have no idea how to choose a title for your story. You're 40 chapters in, so you'd better start thinking how to circle your story back to the title.

Graphics (4/5)

I quite like the poster. Each character is displaying a cute charisma around them - and that too connects to the title. I like how they're slotted into their own triangle, and stacked together to show that they've got each other's backs. No complaints here.

Description and Foreword (3/10)

The description doesn't really sum up the story for me. It's not all what the girl's are experiencing through. I can see how difficult it is to sum up their lives in a short sentence, so maybe opt for a better description - maybe vaguely sum up their individual struggle and ask the audience a question as to how they will bounce back?

The character charts are great - colorful and matches the story's poster. I love how you've included each girls' household members. What I think you should change, are the quotes. By Jinri's quote, you are opening that the rest of the quotes will relate to their view of the group. However, that is not the case. Seuji's is about her family, Soojung's about her love life, I'm not sure whether Jiyoung is talking about her love life or the group of friends, and I have no idea what Jiyeon is talking about. You should choose a theme and stick to it; the circle of friends, their love life, or what's happening with their families.

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (20/20)

At first, when I realised you were going to take the story through all five girls, I was thinking "Damn, how is she going to pull this off?" Because it's hard to create five different and unique personalities, let alone tell their story through each chapter. This would be a very distinctive talent. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with each character. I love how you make their love life really confusing, like how Soojung loves Jongin, but feels something for Sehun. You don't make any character perfect, they each go through their rough times and you show how it can really impact on others.

Originality (10/10)

This is definitely a one-of-a-kind story. It's all about what goes on during people's daily lives, and how bad things can happen. At the moment, I can't think of any part in your story where you may have extracted something from another piece of work. Your story really is distinctive.

Flow (3/5)

Not once did I stop reading your story and think "Hey, where the hell did this come from?". Every scene connected with the previous. What I did find a little rushed, was the fact that they were so into each other. And the whole concept of "love". Maybe you don't think of it as too valuable as me, but in my opinion, love is a very strong feeling. I wasn't that shocked, but it did surprise me a little when all the couples said "I love you" to each other. Yes, you have 40 chapters, but I still think more events should have happened to bring them closer.

This, again, is totally my opinion, (and do not take offence at this), but the whole boy-auction and midnight kiss near the beginning of the story is a little lame to form the start of the romance. Maybe it would've taken longer to write, but I still think you should have started forming the crushes in their own, special way.

Conflict twists (10/10)

There wasn't any part in the story where it completely shocked me. But I guess, it's harder nowadays because as more and more storylines are created, more and more ideas are taken, and eventually, everything will become cliche. For that reason, I will not take any marks off the category, as the amount of events you've plonked into your chapters are reasonable - and quite entertaining. 

Content Descriptiveness (10/10)

There was an ample amount of description provided throughout your chapters; nothing to point out here.

Grammar (9.5/15)

Your grammar is pretty standard although there are a few problems.

First of all - and this is a very common mistake - you perhaps are confused with the tag-verb agreement. If you put a tag-verb (she laughed, he cried, they said) after a character's speech, you must put a comma before the ending quotation mark, and lower the first letter of the tag-verb. This is what you have been doing, which is exceptional. However, the next part, you haven't been doing. If putting an action sentence after the dialogue, then vice versa; you are required to put a period before the ending quotation mark and put the first letter of the starting word in upper case.

Quote: “ Is it because we had when we probably had nothing?” she was getting so embarrassed every time he mention it so causally, she want to smack him but he's talking so fast and caught her off guard by every sentence he say.

Correction: “ Is it because we had when we probably had nothing?” She was getting so embarrassed every time he mention it so causally, she wanted to smack him but he's talking so fast and caught her off guard by every sentence he said.

You seem to get confused with the past and present tense. I'm not sure if it's an act of laziness, or you purely aren't aware of it.

Quote: Myungsoo smile anyway, and nods.“ Take as much time as you want, I'll wait for you.”

Correction: Myungsoo smiled anyway, and nodded.“ Take as much time as you want, I'll wait for you.”

It is informal to use capital words/sentences in your story. An exclamation mark, or transferring the words to be itilacised, is the more formal option.

Quote: “THE IS SO DISRESPECTFUL AND CERTAINLY UNACCEPTABLE FROM BOTH OF YOU!”

Correction: “That is so disrespectful and certainly unacceptable from both of you!”

Quote: “WHAT? SHOULD I PAT HER BACK AND SAY I'M PROUD OF YOU? THIS IS SOMETHING I NEVER EXPECTED FROM HER, ESPECIALLY HER!”

Correction: "What?! Should I pat her back and say I'm pround of you?! This is something I never expected, especially from her!"

Also, there are some misspelt words that I thought were just typos, but it kept reoccuring in your story.

Replayed should be replied.

Warped should be wrapped.

Setting should be sitting.

On top of that, there are a few mistakes visible in your chapters, such as typographical errors, nothing another run through of your chapters can fix..

Taste of the Story (10/10)

I did enjoy your story; I really liked how you professionally managed to revolve the story around five girls. I love how you separated the girls and created problems for them to deal with - problems that occur frequently in reality. Get challenged, get over them - that's basically your story plot, and I really like it. Well done.

Score: 82.5/100

Just to clear things up, I didn't delay your review on purpose. I don't know why it took me so long to read your story, think it took me like three weeks or something omg I'm sorry.

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