Ancient Love
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Title (3/5)
A commonly used title but at the same time, it gives the reader a vague idea on how the story is going to be like. For example, the setting of the story would be way back in time etc.
Graphics (2.5/5)
I do see some thai words but however, does it mean ‘Ancient Love’ or does it mean otherwise? You would need to add in the english meaning/translation in order for one to comprehend. The poster seem to be quite eerie and dark as the background of the poster does give off the vibe and also little details such as the man who eyes are coloured (?) red. (I think it is because his eyes are shining but in the shade of red) There isn’t much to scrutinize from the poster because there is merely two couples. Well, I suggest editing the poster and add more details that could let the reader know more about the story. (I am not sure what object is at the bottom of the poster though)
Description and Foreword: (3.5/10)
As there is no foreword, I will only concentrate on the description part.
Description :
Basically, you have told the readers the whole story. The readers are already expecting that the following chapters are going to be in that certain order and this will bore them easily. You would need to fix this problem of writing the whole story in your description. Give snippets of the story, don’t write down any spoilers because it would ruin the story. Also, it is too long winded. For most of the readers, they would only bother to skim through the chunk of words because there are simply too much for them to read and if the content of the description doesn’t interest them, they won’t read on. Try cutting short your chuck of paragraph by summarising them. It would be much better to read it this way.
Story Layout: (3.5/5)
Your paragraphs are being squeezed together which would hurt one’s eyes as they try to squint their eyes to read. Try spacing out the paragraphs, but not too much. Also, don’t chuck all the sentences in one paragraph. When you think it’s okay to move on to the next paragraph, press enter and start a new paragraph. To be honest, it is a pain to read a huge amount of words in one paragraph so I hope you would heed my advice and start separating them. The length of the chapter is considered short, even though the poster is present in the chapter. I am sure the spacing out of paragraphs would add on to the length of the chapter so I won’t go into detail for that.
Plot: (23/30)
Okay, firstly. Why would Phitchaya get Chantara into trouble? Was she jealous because Chantara had more beneficial as an older sibling or was she just simply enjoying the aftermath of getting Chantara into trouble? Explain and elaborate! Why would their parents coo towards Phitchaya instead Chantara? Why is it being mute the problem of the parents not showing equal amount of love towards Chantara? You are not explaining why and how did all these happened. Also, what was with that sudden shift? From describing Phitchaya treating coldly towards her sister, there was a shift of perspective and Wan and Virote suddenly entered the story. You would need to describe how did this affect Phitchaya or Chantara and why would there be a sudden paragraph of Wan and Virote. It is very confusing to read back and forth, from Wan and Virote and back to Chantara. Try changing the style of writing instead. You are writing as if in a textbook way style but you have more freedom to write in a different writing style. Perhaps, you can start differentiating each paragraphs with first person point of view, second and etc. If not, you are going to confuse everyone who reads the chapter because they would have a hard time comprehending the shift in the story.
Characterization: (6.5/10)
At the beginning, I knew nothing about Chantara. Who was she? What is her role? How is she significant to the story? I managed to find out something about her through the word ‘kingdom’, which tells me that she was part of the royalty. Also, who was Phitchaya? I had to assume that she was Chantara’s younger sister even though it was not obvious that they are actually related. At the second line of the first paragraph, you mentioned ‘younger sister’ and I immediately linked it to Phitchaya because she was a suitable person to be the younger sister.
*After reading again, I finally spot a tiny section where Phitchaya says good luck to her older sister, who was Chantara. You have to be more specific in the relationship Chantara shares with other people. Who is this person and how is she related to so and so?
*After reading again, I finally spot a tiny section where Phitchaya says good luck to her older sister, who was Chantara. You have to be more specific in the relationship Chantara shares with other people. Who is this person and how is she related to so and so?
Content Description (5/10)
There isn't enough content in the story as you kept revolving around the same idea, only to elaborate a little on it. There were some important points missing, as mentioned in the plot and I hope you would take time to reconsider the missing points and add it in as and when.
Flow: (3.5/5)
It’s alright, but at the last chapter, there seem to be a sudden rush as Phitchaya was suddenly married to somebody. I mean it’s fine but my mind is currently in a state of mess because I couldn’t grasp onto the story properly. At one moment, you were writing about Chantara and the sudden switch to Wan and Virote was very confusing.
Grammar: (8/10)
You have excellent grammar, keep up the good work!
Taste of the Story: (4.5/10)
I’m really sorry to say that I didn’t enjoy the story. Firstly, it’s because it is totally a new type of story to read and I wasn’t used to reading it. The problem with your story is that it is based on a Thai story and most people are interested in kpop. I’m not saying that you would need to follow the trend in order to get a high number of subscription/upvote/comment but in order to get one interested, you would need to change the characters to somebody who is well known or likeable. I can’t force you to change anything but I hope you would heed my advice.
I’m really sorry to say that I didn’t enjoy the story. Firstly, it’s because it is totally a new type of story to read and I wasn’t used to reading it. The problem with your story is that it is based on a Thai story and most people are interested in kpop. I’m not saying that you would need to follow the trend in order to get a high number of subscription/upvote/comment but in order to get one interested, you would need to change the characters to somebody who is well known or likeable. I can’t force you to change anything but I hope you would heed my advice.
TOTAL: (63/100)
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