The Love That You Wanted, The Love That We Deserve. - 88
LUST reviews >> archive > main shop accepting requests!the love that you wanted, the love that we deserve.
reviewed by exoexoexolellel
the request.
AUTHOR » kit_kat_rat
STORY status » Completed
chapters reviewed » 31
genres » Self discovery, Former lovers
description » What happens when strangers with memories cross paths again just as they are ready for a new chapter in their lives? Eunjoo was adamant to keep the past in the past, whilst Baekhyun remained in a stubborn denial. Each stuck in the past, they must come to terms with how the world was moving on without them.
" No matter how people may belittle me, it can't be worse than me belittling myself."
" I've gained more strength and I've learned what it means to never give up. "
title (5)
appeal » 2/2
correlation » 2/2
CLARITY » 1/1
The title frames your story really well. At first glance, it invokes immediate thought about the concept of love which may interest a lot of readers. I have no doubt that many readers would also be very curious just by the title alone. However, 'The Love That You Wanted, The Love That We Deserve' is quite long. The length doesn't provide an effective pull as a shorter title would. Nevertheless, the presentation of the title in the story was very well done, there's no question at all as to why you've named the story this way, so full marks here.
graphics (5)
APPEAL OF THE poster » 2/2
correlation to the story » 2/2
suitability of the vibe from the graphics » 1/1
The cover is very picturesque. Relevance of the flowers is a no-brainer and the light colours complement the dark background extremely well. Presentation of the title is clear and very evident. Usually posters on this sight depict the images of the idols that authors use, so the fact that you've used no images here is quite unique and creates a mysterious and curious vibe. Love the colour schemes, the way you've left the background to be pattern-free nullifies the possibility of too much distraction in the poster. I feel like this graphic can be an actual cover of a hard-copy book. Amazing work!
description and foreword (10)
APPEAL of the description » 4/4
appropriateness of the description » 4/4
organisation of description and foreword » 2/2
The Description and Foreword are kept short and neat. Content is very succinct, no unnecessary words lying around and distracting the readers. The Description is very teasing with effective use of rhetorial questions, though it's very detailed as I look back on it. Perhaps it doesn't perfectly frame your story as another excerpt would. Regardless, it's still relevant to the read, so no marks taken off for that. I love that the Foreword is even more condensed, offering no explanation for the excerpt and leaving it open to interpretation for the readers. Also acts as a teaser which is exactly what we want to see in Description and Foreword. Excellence here.
story layout (5)
consistency of font, font size and divisions » 3/3
overall appeal and organisation of chapters » 2/2
Still astounded by the immaculate layout of your chapters. Really appreciate how you connect the mood of each chapter with the symbolism of the chosen flower. Seems like a challenge to shape each chapter according to the flower, let alone to create a story out of it. Would give double points here if I could.
Here is where I get to be a little neat-picky again. In Chapter 16 - Amaryllis. there was one instance where it lacked the double spacing format:
“Just you wait!” Chanyeol hollered. “I will extract my revenge!”
Baekhyun turned a deaf ear to the threat and clapped his hands together, attracting the waiters’ attention.
This one is from Chapter 17 - Rose., where excessive spacing appears:
“Does she share her feelings with you often?” Baekhyun hummed while staring at the sky. “I’ve noticed that she has no issues sharing how she feels with others. Just not me. I’ve only noticed now. Only now…”
Junmyeon remained silent for he had no words that would be of use in the current situation. He stared at the dazed Baekhyun, how his hands repeated the motions of scooping ice cream and stuffing it in his mouth. Without intending to, Baekhyun had reached the bottom of the ice cream tub, his stomach now lined with a perpetual coldness that would not melt away. He suddenly shivered just as the wind picked up, though Junmyeon could not tell which came first or if there was any correlation at all to begin with.
Other than that, very impressed with the presentation and consistency of your chapters. Really happy with this category!
PLOT (23)
APPEAL OF the base storyline » 8.5/10
the effect of events » 6.5/10
development of plot » 8/10
The storyline is very simple and presented very pleasantly. There were a lot of comedic aspects that made the journey very enjoyable and added dynamic to the plot. The in-depth symbolism with each individual flower was probably the most predominant element that was unique to your story. The connection between each chapter to the representation of the flower makes it clear that the theme was really well-thought out. Further, the exploration about different interpretations of love was very thought-invoking and potentially eye-opening for some readers. Your message was framed really well and clearly impacted Baekhyun and Eunjoo's perspectives about themselves and each other. Moreover, the depiction of Baekhyun as the sunshine boy and Eunjoo constantly being linked to the cold created a nice contrast and appreciation of how opposites can complement each other.
The only issue worth mentioning, however, is the extent of the of the storyline. The foundations were very solid, with a past that was occasionally visited and relentlessly sought after by the minor characters - friends of the future and present - coupled well with the reality of two former lovers finding their middle ground. Although this in itself was sufficient for a pleasurable read, I feel there lacked conflict or complication that drive the traditional exposition. At the start of the story, Baekhyun and Eunjoo were not on talking terms, and by the end of the read, they were forming a new peaceful relationship. The journey in between was slow and tense with very few potent complications. Events were very undramatic and as a result, little friction was existent to create much dynamic in the plot. Situations that were dramatic were more on the playful side, driven mainly by the side characters, and thus did not have that much significance to the development of the plot. Progression was still evident however, and there was still enough substance for an effective storyline. Though it was a relaxing read, the plot could have been improved with conflict dialled up a bit more. Nevertheless, like I say in most of the categories, if you're happy with the finished product, it's completely fine to leave it as it is. I'm still very impressed by it all.
characterisation (7)
development of characters » 2/5
character influence on the story » 5/5
This category can also be marked as having some room for improvement. It does remotely tie in to the lack of conflict and as discussed in Plot, as the absence of drama doesn't provide a lot of opportunity for your characters to grow. There is some development in Baekhyun and Eunjoo's sense of self, however, it seems that they are relatively the same people that they were at the start of the story. Seeing some change in your major characters, not to mention minor ones too, would definitely ramp up the excitement of the read and could be a prominent element that would make the readers hooked. Again, the lack of complication associated with the storyline gives very little room for your characters to grow, so that is another factor to consider. Nonetheless, it is worth mentioning that the side characters add a lot of charisma to the story, with the unique and energetic personas from Chaneyol, Junmyeon and Hyoyeon. I thought the occasional bursts from these characters in addition to the way Baekhyun and Eunjoo are wired added some nice dynamic for the read. Your effort in planning and portraying that is commendable.
content description (9)
quantity » 4/5
quality » 5/5
Some really tasteful description that I came across, some locations had aplenty though others I felt lacked and could've shone with more detail. Simple and familiar locations such as the characters' homes, or Stay's setting, wasn't completely set out for the readers. Arguably, it is also fine to leave it up to the our imagination and picture these frequently visited locations as we wish. Ultimately, it is at your discretion to decide whether you want to take the reins as the author or let the readers imagine as they wish. As an example, I will point out to these two extracts from Chapter 29 - Blue Violet.:
What she did not expect was to see a full on Christmas explosion at the entrance alone, leaving Junmyeon and his Christmas decoration plans biting the dust. Eunjoo honestly wondered whether there was any more decorations left in the stores or Chanyeol had monopolised everything. Not even Santa’s headquarters could compete with the state Stay was in.
Eunjoo was unable to produce any sound as her eyes darted around the interiors of the restaurant. Inhaling deeply, Eunjoo removed her glasses to reduce her sight and blur out the in-your-face decorations that left no wall untouched.
Some more description here would have helped the readers envision the decorations of the restaurant that you were passionately up-talking. Even though you described the extent of the decorations, it would have been nice to know what the decorations were themselves. In contrast to this, the description about the Christmas feast left me breathless, as well as other sections of your story, so I have all confidence that you can bring so much more life in these settings that lack some description.
Another minor issue has to do with occasional overlaps in character perspective. If you choose to dedicate a chapter or part of a chapter to one character's point of view, you should stick to that character's thoughts, feelings and realisations alone without interruption from other characters' observations and emotions. This is to ensure consistency in perspectives and make it clear to the audience who's eyes they are absorbing the narrative from. Notably, this happened a lot less in comparison to your other fanfiction, so if you had that in mind while writing this story, it's a big improvement (though I think I finished that review after you started / completed this story?). I encountered very few overlaps, but I'll pick out an excerpt as an example in case you need another reference. Here is one from Chapter 17 - Rose.:
Junmyeon contemplated on letting the prey go, give him an escape route. After all, who was he to meddle in the matter? Even if he was arguably Eunjoo’s closest friend and confidant, why involve himself any further? In the end, the only thing he could do was what he had always done; lay in waiting with an infinite stock of coffee flavoured ice cream to pamper the girl with every once in a while. Sighing in defeat, Junmyeon tensed his legs, ready to make his leave when a faint voice blocked his passageway.
At no other point in the story did we perceive the narrative from Junmyeon's eyes, so being suddenly privy to his thoughts and observations came off a little surprising and unwarranted. For the sake of consistency, you should stick with either Eunjoo or Baekhyun's point of view (albeit not concurrently). Let me know if you need further clarification. Another snippet from the same chapter:
He suddenly shivered just as the wind picked up, though Junmyeon could not tell which came first or if there was any correlation at all to begin with.
flow (5)
suitability of the flow » 2/2
your control of the pace » 3/3
The flow of the read complemented the slow journey of the storyline, linking the events seamlessly and allowing no abrupt time jumps nor unrealistic escalations. I suspect the absence of much conflict helped with this a lot, as drama would demand a fast pace. Regardless, the slow pace made it a very smooth journey which was very suitable to the plot. Yet another component with full marks. Are we surprised?
grammar (9)
punctuation » 4/4
spelling » 1/2
vocabulary » 2/2
tense collisions » 2/2
There were very few punctuation errors and some use of sophisticated language which made me really happy. No major issues here, though more often than not I'd come across a few spelling mistakes. Some chapters had at least one error, ranging from two to four. Your first few author notes had some spelling errors too. Below are some examples across your story but are not all that I found. Perhaps a little more vigilance should fix the consistency. Otherwise, really good effort in this category!
Chapter 1 - Pink Camellia.
It was not vibrant nor intimate smile, no was it unwelcoming or daunting.
It was not vibrant nor intimate smile, nor was it unwelcoming or daunting.
Chapter 2 - Purple Carnation.
“Change shop. Don’t buy from the. We can have someone else supply the flowers.”
“Change shop. Don’t buy from them. We can have someone else supply the flowers.”
Chapter 4 - Forget-Me-Nots.
Her name and flower shop was something Baekhyun ever imagined appearing in one sentence.
Her name and flower shop was something Baekhyun never imagined appearing in one sentence.
He ignored Chanyeol statement and shut his words out with a firm slam of his office door.
He ignored Chanyeol's statement and shut his words out with a firm slam of his office door.
Chapter 9 - Dandelion.
It was an ideal iteam to greet that customers, filling them with anticipation and high expectations.
It was an ideal item to greet that customers, filling them with anticipation and high expectations.
Taking in a deep breath, Baekhyun flicked a stray leaf from a neighbouring tree that had infiltrated into the impeccably arranged flower wreathe.
Taking in a deep breath, Baekhyun flicked a stray leaf from a neighbouring tree that had infiltrated into the impeccably arranged flower wreath.
Chapter 12 - Snapdragon.
“We got a wedding booking so he went to discuss with the clients about their preferences.”
“We've got a wedding booking so he went to discuss with the clients about their preferences.”
“It does if both parties are still hang up on it.”
“It does if both parties are still hung up over it.”
“There’s no lingering feelings?”
“There’re no lingering feelings?”
Chapter 16 - Amaryllis.
“Go back to the kitchen where you belong,” Baekhyun scoffed. “Shoo. You’re giant is in the way.”
“Go back to the kitchen where you belong,” Baekhyun scoffed. “Shoo. Your giant is in the way.”
Chapter 18 - Sea Holly.
However fell in love with Blooming Day and its Halloween decorations and everything else was in the past.
I'm guessing here that 'Chanyeol' should be in between 'However' and 'fell'.
The shop’s interiors was a feast for the eyes.
The shop’s interiors were a feast for the eyes.
Soon enough, The staff of Stay flowed into the flower shop like small ants, carrying an abundance of pumpkins with them.
Soon enough, the staff of Stay flowed into the flower shop like small ants, carrying an abundance of pumpkins with them.
With one arm clutching the pumpkin close to his chest while the other flailed around helplessly, he was saved by Eunjo who somehow managed to hook one arm around him.
With one arm clutching the pumpkin close to his chest while the other flailed around helplessly, he was saved by Eunjoo who somehow managed to hook one arm around him.
To make matters more dramatic, since Eunjoo was skill holding onto the knife, when Junmyeon grabbed her, she accidentally swung her arm and was dangerously close to slicing off Junmyeon’s ear.
To make matters more dramatic, since Eunjoo was still holding onto the knife, when Junmyeon grabbed her, she accidentally swung her arm and was dangerously close to slicing off Junmyeon’s ear.
taste of story (10)
personal enjoyment of plot and characters » 5/5
influence of flow and grammar » 4/4
length of your story » 1/1
I personally really, really enjoyed this story. The flower theme grew on me - I didn't consider myself a flower person until this read, lol. Coffee was also a very strong point for me, I almost always have a coffee beside me when I go through requests, so definitely loved that motif too. As I mentioned earlier, I imagine sticking to the symbolism of each flower and still moving along the story was a very difficult and challenging activity - if it wasn't, all the more to commend. Background and development of characters according to the storyline were really well-concocted, as expected. I also didn't mind the short chapters at all, I feel that was one of the main reasons why I flew through The Love That You Wanted, The Love That We Deserve. Almost could not take my eyes away from the read. Thank you for putting a request in. I have no doubt you'll add more excellence on this site.
On an ending note, I just wanted to point out one more thing as a suggestion. Here is an extract from Chapter 30 - Anenome.:
Neither backed away from the staring contest that ensued. Baekhyun’s radiant sun-glare versus Eunjoo’s glacial cactus stab. Who will come out victorious?
The rhetorical question made this thought to travel through my mind - I think you can perhaps, if you haven't already, try narrating a story where equal focus is given on each character, or on the more major ones. I would say you're halfway there, especially as you occasionally have an overlap in character perspective. More significantly however, I think it would suit your writing as you enjoy teasing the readers by hinting at how other characters are thinking, feeling or reacting. So instead of committing to one character's perspective, which is the traditional way of narrating, you can try portraying your story in the author's perspective, where you reveal any character's burst of thoughts and feelings as you wish. Sort of like a sitcom with the readers observing from the outside and being privy to any character's reactions at any one time. The only condition that you would need to adhere to (though not strict) is ensuring that you don't stay on one character for too long, because then it would lead the readers into thinking they are sticking to that character's point of view alone. And then that's where confusion would arise. This is against the traditional way of narrating expositions, as you'll find most published works tell the story in one predominant perspective at any one time. I am a big supporter of this style of narration and I always pick out this issue if it conflicts with the one-perspective form in my reviews. So this idea a big grey area for me, but I think you can pull it off if it interests you. Going back to my comment of you already being halfway there, below is how you ended your last chapter. Hopefully you can see what I mean by narration from the author's point of view, allowing the readers to be privy to all possible details to the scene which perceiving from one character's eyes alone would not completely provide:
The night cityscape shone brightly with colourful Christmas lights scattered everywhere. In a commercial neighbourhood somewhere in Seoul, all shops were closed for business, enjoying some rest during the holidays. Yet, a certain restaurant called Stay was still bustling with life as a walking human chaos known as Chanyeol was chased down by a furious Hyoyeon who’s colourful unicorn hair had burnt ends. Junmyeon — the lover of all that was dramatic — was nestled in a corner to peacefully enjoy the live entertainment. He was joined by the ever so apathetic Eunjoo who had come prepared with two empty glasses and a bottle of champagne. Contrasting to the relaxed duo, the sunshine boy Baekhyun looked like he was ready to explode at any moment, his face glowing red and a blood vein bulging on his forehead.
Meanwhile, just round the corner, a quaint flower shop by the name of Blooming Day remained oblivious to everything happening in the outside world. The diverse floras residing inside remained dormant. Entrusted with guarding the shop, the trusted potted sunflower stood proudly on the counter, anticipating a new day where the sun would be shining brightly in the sky.
Once again, thank you for putting another request in. Always a pleasure to read your creations. All the best with your future stories!
total score (88)
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