{Haunted by sociallyawkwardandwe}

Story Title (4/5)

One word titles are a pull in for me, and it's definitely eye catching and intriguing. Not sure if it's the best title for your story, but the relation to the story is good enough. There's another story titled 'Haunted' and numerous that have the word in the title, but I'd say it's still unique.

Graphics (4.5/5)

It's pretty standard and it looks simple. For personal preferences, I would have maybe made Youngjae faint to portray that he's a lingering spirit for most of the story. I hope that grey landscape represent the setting of the deaths, because that's a very important aspect of the story (I would think). If it is, GOOD JOB.

Description and Foreword (8/10)

The description is absolutely perfect. The context captures the reader's attention and keeps it there. From that, I could tell that your grammar is every bit exemplary. As for the foreword, most of it is fine but the last part, the P.S area, you told us that it would have a good ending, which to me totally destroyed my curiousity. Yes, it wasn't the ending I expected the story to be, and looking back on your foreword now, it doesn't have any real impact, but it did deflate my motivation to read your story in the beginning.

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (20/20)

The characterisation is beautiful. I love how Youngjae is such a pessimistic person yet he's so strong to pull through love, all because of his love for his parents. Daehyun is an interesting character - I love how he's tough on the outside but quite fragile on the inside. I do not see any flaw in your characters.

Originality (10/10)

Your story plot is not cliche at all. Yes, I've seen storylines where there's a bully and a victim, and one dies, but both dying? With ghosts haunting the earth? Both boys falling in love? Definitely original。

Flow (5/5)

There was never a time where I stopped reading and thought, "Hang on, where did this come from?" Everything flowed smoothly and I didn't feel anything was rushed.

Conflict twists (10/10)

I definitely wasn't expecting most events, such as both of the character's death, Youngjae to become a ghost, Daehyun's mother... everything really. You have a knack with leading your readers in the wrong direction and then pulling out the truth and be like "surprise motherer!" 

Content Descriptiveness (9/10)

I didn't feel as if anything was left unexplained, however I do want to point out two things. The scenes where Daehyun and Youngjae are together, you would switch the perspectives between each paragraph. Part of good reading experience is that the readers get to look at the world through one character's eyes, but if you do it through mutiple characters, you have to stick to one perspective for a specific time period. If you switch, you stay in the current perspective unless you decide to change again.

The second thing is that you would overuse "he" up to the point where the reader gets confused to who "he" actually is, since there's two male characters. It was in the second half of Chapter Four where I got confused, when Youngjae was first introduced as a ghost.

Also, I'm going to point it out here - where is Chapter One?

Grammar (13.5/15)

Tick tick tick. I am so happy to review a fanfiction with excellent grammar. I only found a few mistakes that another round of editing would fix up. The only real problem I found was that sometimes, you'd keep two character's speech in one paragraph, and when a character has a long speech, you'd split them up. Yes, it's going to be annoying for the reader to read a chunk of paragraph, and you do split them up, you just gotta cut some quotation marks to show it's the same person who's speaking.

Quote: “Daehyun? Daehyun. Yah, Daehyun! Dammit dickhead, listen to me!” Said boy snapped his head up. Youngjae's voice – shouting – stopping his train of thought. He looked at the ghost with an uninterested expression and raised his brows. “What?”

Correction: “Daehyun? Daehyun. Yah, Daehyun! Dammit dickhead, listen to me!” Said boy snapped his head up. Youngjae's voice – shouting – stopping his train of thought.

He looked at the ghost with an uninterested expression and raised his brows. “What?”

Quote: “My father has always been like this. Ever since my mother passed away he started abusing me. He was heartbroken that his wife had died and he would drink a lot the first few months. When he was drunk the beating was plain torture.”

“He blames me for her death. And he is right. I blame myself too. She had gone to a business trip in America and I was devasted because she wouldn't be there for my tenth birthday. She had explained to me why she couldn't come over the phone but I wouldn't listen to her. I was crying and screaming, saying that it was unfair, that she didn't love me. I even told her that I hated her.” Daehyun shook his head and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and a couple of tears escaped his eyes when he opened them.

“The morning of my birthday my father got a call from the hospital. Apparently my mother had been in an accident and was now in a critical condition. When my father hung up he drove us to the hospital in less than thirty minutes. He was driving like a crazy person but neither of us cared. When we arrived, the doctor said that she had internal bleeding and that there was little hope for her. He told us that she had been in a plane crash near the sea. It was a plane from America to Korea. She had tried to come back home for my birthday. I didn't want to believe it. I was the cause of all this.”

Correction: “My father has always been like this. Ever since my mother passed away he started abusing me. He was heartbroken that his wife had died and he would drink a lot the first few months. When he was drunk the beating was plain torture.

He blames me for her death. And he is right. I blame myself too. She had gone to a business trip in America and I was devasted because she wouldn't be there for my tenth birthday. She had explained to me why she couldn't come over the phone but I wouldn't listen to her. I was crying and screaming, saying that it was unfair, that she didn't love me. I even told her that I hated her.”

Daehyun shook his head and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and a couple of tears escaped his eyes when he opened them. “The morning of my birthday my father got a call from the hospital. Apparently my mother had been in an accident and was now in a critical condition. When my father hung up he drove us to the hospital in less than thirty minutes. He was driving like a crazy person but neither of us cared. When we arrived, the doctor said that she had internal bleeding and that there was little hope for her. He told us that she had been in a plane crash near the sea. It was a plane from America to Korea. She had tried to come back home for my birthday. I didn't want to believe it. I was the cause of all this.”

Also, it's informal to capitalise words.

Quote: “Jung Daehyun! GET THE UP!”

Correction: “Jung Daehyun! Get the up!”

Taste of the Story (10/10)

I really really liked your story, the grammar was great, the storyline is awesome and you kept the suspense throughout the whole story. The only thing that I would have frowned at was that you used the classic font, and on the old AFF I absolutely hated that font, but it's new now and it looks much better; the old one gave me a headache.

But great story, well done.

Score: 94/100

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