{Forever with love by LittleNinja93}

Story Title (4/5)

I am going to admit that this title was very, very eyecatching. I've reviewed plenty other stories but this was the best title I have seen. I searched and it doesn't seem as if there are any other titles similar to yours, so yours is pretty unique. However, I took a mark off because you didn't capitalize 'With Love'. Even though the story title was nice to me, the lack of capitalization made me feel like this was going to be a story with bad grammar. The title also has revelance with the story, seeing how they ended up in heaven together.

Graphics (3.8/5)

Whoooosh! I loved your graphic! It fit perfectly with the era you were writing the story in, and the pocket watch just simply added on to the vintage feel of the poster. However, since Chaerin is the main character, I cannot understand why she is more transparent than Jiyong. After all, the story is told in her point of view. Also, Jiyong's expression looked a little... fierce, which didn't match with the Jiyong in the story.

Description and Foreword (7/10)

Your description was very well done. It showed off how you can write and turn simple sentences into something so beautiful, but, but, but! The grammar really really threw me off because I am a big grammar nazi, and if I were to judge it just from the description alone, I don't think I would've read on. Here are some mistakes I found:

"I couldn't wait to grow up and meet my knight in shiny armor and be swifted off my feet."

C: "I couldn't wait to grow up and meet my knight in shining armor and be swept off my feet."

In the foreword:

"Giving up doesn't always mean your weak, sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

When people walk away from you..........

Let them go........Why? Because your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you and it doesn't mean they are bad people."

C: "Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak, sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. 

When people walk away from you...

Let them go. Why? Because your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, but it doesn't mean that they are bad people."
Well in my opinion, the dots you put behind 'Let them go' were unecessary. Also, the amount of dots you put seemed like you were just pressing down the key for as long as you liked, but it looks really bad. Also, keep in mind that even after dots, there should be a spacing before the starting of a next sentence.

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (17/20)

I think you developed Chaerin's character pretty well. Actually, that's a given because the story is from her point of view... But I could see how much she loved Jiyong and her conflicted feelings towards Seungri at the start. 

I could see a lot of Jiyong's character from the letters he wrote to Chaerin. I could see how much he loved her, how much he pressed on even though he wants to see Chaerin too much. And how he is still wishing for her to be happy even though he cannot see her, but still holding on to the hopes that he could. That was very sweet.

Originality (9/10)

I thought that the originality was pretty good! Because I've never read a fanfic before where the era was set in the 1920's, I've only read 'em in books. Even though the male character dying which makes the female lead sad is pretty mainstream, I think it was well developed and original when you wrote that Chaerin didn't actually see Jiyong's letters. 

Flow (4.8/5)

The flow was... perfect. Simply perfect! This is the first story with I've reviewed with a flow that I liked, and I really love how you write your sentences. They are so beautifully written they almost sound like a poem! I love stories with this kind of writings and I believe yours is one of the first I've encountered. However, the flow is a little destroyed by your lack of punctuation, because while the sentences aren't too choppy, it sometimes is very long. Here are two examples:

"I still recall the day I received that now worn out teddy bear that has been stolen by so many countless children though out the decades and now my children you shall know now too."

C: "I still recall the day I received that now worn out teddy bear-that has been stolen by so many countless children throughout the decades-and my children, you shall know now too." 

"I hated to admit her words stung like silver daggers piercing my heart and after a few blocks I could no longer hold myself together and let myself fall to the ground, crying my eyes out."

C: "I hated to admit it, but her words stung like silver daggers that pierced my heart, and after a few blocks, I could no longer hold myself together. I let myself fall to the ground and cry my eyes out."

Conflict twists (8/10)

I liked the twist during the parts of the letters. Where Chaerin read Jiyong's letters, I meant. It was so unexpected for the letters to come and even I was surprised by how innocent and unknowing Jiyong was. I felt really bad for Jiyong too, because when he was at the army fighting for his country and Chaerin, Chaerin was at home smiling away happily with Seungri. Of course, I felt bad for Chaerin too, since she had to go through so much hurt. She was set on the mindset that Jiyong abandoned her, but when the truth is revealed, she must've regretted it so much.

Content Descriptiveness (10/10)

I've nothing to say about this, because the content descriptiveness you had in your story was just daebak. You managed to elaborate a simple sentence into such a meaningful, quote-like and almost poetic way, and trust me when I say not everyone can do it. In fact, I'm actually really jealous of the way you write! You were able to describe love in so many different ways, using so many sentences, and normally I'd be bored reading too overly descriptive stuff but this, this managed to capture my attention from the start to the end. You described Chaerin's feelings perfectly, and Jiyong's feelings via his letters too. So, full marks!

Grammar (6/15)

Even though your style of writing is good, your grammar really spoiled it for me. Even from the description I could already spot grammar mistakes, and since descriptions/forewords are most important in drawing a reader in, you should perhaps check your grammar more thoroughly. There were quite a few times where you misused your full stops and question marks. In places where a full stop was needed, you put a question mark. Here's an example:

"I just couldn't understand why he would do all of this for me?"

" "Why me?" I needed to know?"

Also, you missed out question marks. 

"What good was I to bring  a I had a feeling it was a boy into the a world of self pity and unhappiness."

C: "What good was I to bring? I had a feeling it was a boy into the world of self pity and unhappiness."

Another thing which irked me a lot- spelling of 'You're' as 'Your'. It's a very obvious grammar mistake and I was really irritated by it, because it was not only once or twice, but many times. 

Also, many times you use either wrong forms of the word or miss adding in something: 

"Her over sense of worry for me ended up telling Seungri everything and since that day he never left my side."

C: "Her over sense of worry for me ended up with her telling Seungri about everything, and since that day, he never left my side."

I recommend you get a beta-reader to read through your work, because as lovely as your work is, you really shouldn't let grammar block it from being a wonderful story. If English isn't your first language, I understand the grammar mistakes, but I still want to say that if English realy isn't your first language, I am impressed with the way you write.

Taste of the Story (8/10)

I actually really liked this story, despite the many grammar mistakes. It was so beautifully elaborated and written that I can consider this to be the first fanfic on AFF to blow my mind. Really! You almost write like the authors who publish a book. I really hope you get a beta-reader, so being the grammar nazi I am, I can read it with full enjoyment, but really that's up to you. You've done a really good job, because this was soooo well written! In fact, this might be my current favourite story xD I had so much feels whilst I was reading Jiyong's letters. I personally really like that era, and I recently just started listening to the songs from that time, so I actually searched up some of the songs you included in your story. And boy, were they good! Dear Mr Gable was so nice :D Well I really liked this story! Good job!

Score: 77.6/100

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