Marrying the Tuan Family
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marrying the tuan family
After being partly abandoned by her own parents, they suddenly approached her by asking her to marry their best friend’s son because of business and financial matters. Things almost went well for her until one night, something black had been tarnished in her memories at her best friend’s party. How will she be able to cope with the incident that she wished would never happen in her entire life after being married off to the anonymous guy? After ‘it’ happened, will it still be considered as a good thing? Or something that she will regret in her young marriage life?
reviewed by: dahliaa
Title (2/5)
I can't say that the title is unattractive; it is eye-catching. But very very very, cliche. On first glance I thought the OC girl is marrying the whole Tuan family and it kinda confused me a little. It turns me off whenever I read titles which explain the whole story. Nothing is rare about the title. However, common titles are the one which catches people's attentions, actually. But, it is still a common title. But i gave you marks since it's related to the story very much, obviously.
Graphics (4/5)
There's a lot of posters but the one which you used as the main, is quite something. But the fonts look awkward, somehow. Especially, the dialogues. However, I found there're some posters which you didn't use as main, beautiful.
Description and Foreword: (8/10)
The description is neat. I like how you arranged everything sections by sections. And I favor the characters' poster. But I think the written characters are kinda unnecessary. As for me, I actually skipped the part. But, but, but! I love how neat and organized the credits are. You arranged it quite well.
Story Layout: (5/5)
There isn't much to say about the story layout, actually. Everything is just fine and isn't too messy.
Plot: (10/30)
Cliche. Common. I can say that majority of AFF's stories contain arranged marriage. It doesn't really excite me to read the whole story. Most of the parts are predictable that make the whole story absolutely not enjoyable. I can't find anything interesting enough to keep me reading. I don't find a strong excuse for Saemi to marry Mark. An almost bankrupt is a big issue and it is not something that can make Saemi's parents go on excitedly with their lives like nothing happened. The issue is an issue but I just don't see it big enough in your story to make them to place Saemi in her situation.
The announcement of her arranged marriage started as I expected, really. Saemi protesting about her hatred feeling towards the decision her parents made, parents comforting her, parents are sick or almost sick, then Saemi met Mark who looks kind in front of their parents but are actually jerk when they are alone. Nothing new and it makes everything looks boring. The only thing which is very unexpected is the part where Saemi was . I was expecting so much about her reaction. I was thinking about how great you would pull off with the afterwards but maybe it is right to not expect too much. The afterwards are really below my expectations. I was so shocked on how easy she moved on without crying for almost a week or falling sick or traumatized, like really traumatized that she has to lock herself out from the world. Saemi moved on in an extremely fast pace. I cringed when it was their wedding kiss and she suddenly thought of the night and all which leaves me like.., what?? Not being a anymore or having your ity stole in the most disgusted way such as , is a huge huge huge thing and you can never just move on like that and then suddenly thought about it. I'm very surprised how natural she acted in front of her parents and how she is not worried about her being pregnant. But you did write about Saemi wondering if she's pregnant or something but then that's that. I can't see the process of her recovering state from that night. I'm even more surprised on how she can still talk as usual with her friends. So, that's not quite right.
The last thing I want is a requester being upset or hurt by what I wrote for a review. I hope you don't get upset by it. I, myself wrote an arranged marriage story before during the old days so I can tolerate with the feelings you may feel when someone critique your story. I understand how you work hard to make everything sounds new and fresh or interesting, even but there's a lot of part to be considered and have a lot of thinking to. Okay, that's all for the plot. And please don't get offended or anything.
The announcement of her arranged marriage started as I expected, really. Saemi protesting about her hatred feeling towards the decision her parents made, parents comforting her, parents are sick or almost sick, then Saemi met Mark who looks kind in front of their parents but are actually jerk when they are alone. Nothing new and it makes everything looks boring. The only thing which is very unexpected is the part where Saemi was . I was expecting so much about her reaction. I was thinking about how great you would pull off with the afterwards but maybe it is right to not expect too much. The afterwards are really below my expectations. I was so shocked on how easy she moved on without crying for almost a week or falling sick or traumatized, like really traumatized that she has to lock herself out from the world. Saemi moved on in an extremely fast pace. I cringed when it was their wedding kiss and she suddenly thought of the night and all which leaves me like.., what?? Not being a anymore or having your ity stole in the most disgusted way such as , is a huge huge huge thing and you can never just move on like that and then suddenly thought about it. I'm very surprised how natural she acted in front of her parents and how she is not worried about her being pregnant. But you did write about Saemi wondering if she's pregnant or something but then that's that. I can't see the process of her recovering state from that night. I'm even more surprised on how she can still talk as usual with her friends. So, that's not quite right.
The last thing I want is a requester being upset or hurt by what I wrote for a review. I hope you don't get upset by it. I, myself wrote an arranged marriage story before during the old days so I can tolerate with the feelings you may feel when someone critique your story. I understand how you work hard to make everything sounds new and fresh or interesting, even but there's a lot of part to be considered and have a lot of thinking to. Okay, that's all for the plot. And please don't get offended or anything.
Characterization: (2/10)
[Saemi]
One word that describes her the best is immature. She is 20. But I've never seen her acting like a 20 year old woman. Throwing tantrum isn't something someone in her age does. From what I inspect in reality, instead of getting angry and childishly protesting to your parents about something you dislike about their decision, a 20 year old woman would think about the problem herself and if she feels like she would fail in solving the problem, she would discuss it with her parents in a MATURED manner. But Saemi didn't do that. Also, Saemi hates being touched but she can't even take care of herself well. She doesn't have the thought of cherishing herself, even after she was . I thought she would be more cautious and aware of men no matter how cute they are; e.g, Bambam. Saemi is also not really friendly and polite? Like when Jill was introducing her to the company. I wished she would be more timid around Jill because she's obviously a newbie but she didn't. Even to Raymond Tuan. She is very new to the family, he gave her a job, it's free, even, but I can't see how thankful she is. She's a jerk, sometimes. I thought she hates the marriage but then she's the one who seems excited and all jumpy and thoughtful about it. Saemi's mood swing every time which makes me can't quite understand what is she thinking. Her personality is nothing interesting. Nothing I find adorable nor cute. I grow to dislike her throughout the story, actually and it is very very very bad if a reader has the dislike feeling towards your main character. I suggest you to try to have feelings towards your characters and be more considerate when writing them.
[Saemi]
One word that describes her the best is immature. She is 20. But I've never seen her acting like a 20 year old woman. Throwing tantrum isn't something someone in her age does. From what I inspect in reality, instead of getting angry and childishly protesting to your parents about something you dislike about their decision, a 20 year old woman would think about the problem herself and if she feels like she would fail in solving the problem, she would discuss it with her parents in a MATURED manner. But Saemi didn't do that. Also, Saemi hates being touched but she can't even take care of herself well. She doesn't have the thought of cherishing herself, even after she was . I thought she would be more cautious and aware of men no matter how cute they are; e.g, Bambam. Saemi is also not really friendly and polite? Like when Jill was introducing her to the company. I wished she would be more timid around Jill because she's obviously a newbie but she didn't. Even to Raymond Tuan. She is very new to the family, he gave her a job, it's free, even, but I can't see how thankful she is. She's a jerk, sometimes. I thought she hates the marriage but then she's the one who seems excited and all jumpy and thoughtful about it. Saemi's mood swing every time which makes me can't quite understand what is she thinking. Her personality is nothing interesting. Nothing I find adorable nor cute. I grow to dislike her throughout the story, actually and it is very very very bad if a reader has the dislike feeling towards your main character. I suggest you to try to have feelings towards your characters and be more considerate when writing them.
[Mark]
I'm not very fond of Mark nor I dislike him in reality. Okay, so the only thing I love about Mark in the story is how he's being a little jerky towards someone like Saemi. What I dislike about him is how he interacts with his friends. It is kinda childish from someone at their ages to act or talk like that. I hope you can write about him but see it in a perspective of a man. Try to think about what a man talk with their friends and how he interacts with their friends. And Mark is somehow childish, too. Like; can't he be thoughtful that his wife doesn't want it if anyone in work knows about their marriage, why stomp off? He needs to have this chill personality and stop acting like a woman. Also, Mark doesn't quite have a personality to describe him except casanova, playboy, or whatever you call it. But then he falls in love too fast. This will be explained later in the flow section.But! Other than that, everything is alright.
Content Description (3/10)
I hope you will tell more about the dates. Especially the wedding date as it's the date for their anniversary or things like that. Sometimes small thing like that can cause effects to someone's view of the story.
Flow: (1/5)
As what I said before, too fast. I was expecting the process of bonding between Saemi and her parents in law. I don't get how they grow to be close and love her so fast. It becomes an importance, actually to show the relation between a daughter in law and her in laws, the mother in law, especially. I was hoping to see how insecure Saemi would feel when she became Mark's wife which made her immediately a Tuan. Even a slight insecure is good. Because woman must have that feeling even if she hates the marriage. There has to be a push and pull between she and her in laws, you know? Also, how does a casanova like Mark has feelings to Saemi in such a short time? As I read, again and again, I can't help but to dislike the flow. There's always something new happening in the next chapters that makes you left out even the smallest detail in a situation. I hope you understand what I'm implying, though. To make it short, please do add up what you think is unimportant because it may be important and be as considerate as you can.
As what I said before, too fast. I was expecting the process of bonding between Saemi and her parents in law. I don't get how they grow to be close and love her so fast. It becomes an importance, actually to show the relation between a daughter in law and her in laws, the mother in law, especially. I was hoping to see how insecure Saemi would feel when she became Mark's wife which made her immediately a Tuan. Even a slight insecure is good. Because woman must have that feeling even if she hates the marriage. There has to be a push and pull between she and her in laws, you know? Also, how does a casanova like Mark has feelings to Saemi in such a short time? As I read, again and again, I can't help but to dislike the flow. There's always something new happening in the next chapters that makes you left out even the smallest detail in a situation. I hope you understand what I'm implying, though. To make it short, please do add up what you think is unimportant because it may be important and be as considerate as you can.
Grammar: (5/10)
One thing I love about your writing is how you use simple sentences rather than complicated ones. However, it does affect your writing style. You try to make your writing humorous but they sound not-so-logical. I get it; how you want your writing to be interesting and funny but don't try too hard as it will spoil your writing style. Also, present and past tenses. I suggest you to hire beta reader as it will be very helpful and will leave good impacts not to your story, but to you as well.
One thing I love about your writing is how you use simple sentences rather than complicated ones. However, it does affect your writing style. You try to make your writing humorous but they sound not-so-logical. I get it; how you want your writing to be interesting and funny but don't try too hard as it will spoil your writing style. Also, present and past tenses. I suggest you to hire beta reader as it will be very helpful and will leave good impacts not to your story, but to you as well.
Taste of the Story: (8/10)
I like fluff. I like jealousy. I like romance. Everything that I like is in your story. Just…, there're lacking here and there. Please do note that I'm just being in my honest state throughout the review. I can see how you love writing and don't let my words affect you. You have the interest in writing and I'm really really really looking forward for your next and better story. Improve here and there and you will be a good writer. Practice makes perfect. Fighting c:
I like fluff. I like jealousy. I like romance. Everything that I like is in your story. Just…, there're lacking here and there. Please do note that I'm just being in my honest state throughout the review. I can see how you love writing and don't let my words affect you. You have the interest in writing and I'm really really really looking forward for your next and better story. Improve here and there and you will be a good writer. Practice makes perfect. Fighting c:
TOTAL: (48/100)
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