House of Cards

LUST reviews >> archive > main shop accepting requests!
 
 
 
 
 
LUST

Review shop since 06.29.14

 

 

 

 

 
     1 2







 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

house of cards

 

Kim Nari is the sister of Suho , the heir of their family's company after their parent's murder. He ask her to seduce Luhan, their worst competitor, after they met in a masquarade. Her mission is to stole a document Luhan has and that Suho needs. What happen when she found that this document is nothing else than a document relating her parent's murder. What will happen when she founds out that all the proof to find the murderer leads to ... Suho himself. Some secrets shouldn't be told. Nari , accompagned by Luhan , Soyeon ( her best friend ) and some friends will do anything to find the real murderer ... whoever it is. 
 
 
 
reviewed by: star-lord

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Title (3/5)
It sounds cliche but I am curious to find out more about the simple title. Will it be an intriguing story? Several thoughts start to clutter in my mind and I will definitely read on.
 
Graphics (4/5)
Dark, mysterious vibes lingering around the air, perfect! The images portrayed added onto the vibes, letting the readers sink slowly and immerse themselves into the story.
 
Description and Foreword: (4.5/10)
Your description feels kind of empty to me as the unnecessary space left after each sentences really irritates me to scroll down more than usual and I feel that your description is not summarised up as you used sentences to explain instead which confuses me because it is too vague and I can’t get the taste of the story, even just by a bit.  I really love the trailer that accompanied your description due to the graphics used and how they impact on the story.
 
I totally understand the use of foreword for most people, they either write it to address their dear readers, crediting the artworks provided for them or leave a whole lot of spoilers to leave their readers in suspense. However, it kind of ticks me off when someone write the number of people that subscribing to their story, especially in bold or underlined. I feel that you are more concern about the number of subscriptions and feeling reassured when you reach the number of subscriptions you intend to have. Its really a waste of time to even count them because the feedbacks are more important than the number of subscriptions. Not everybody who subscribes to your story are willing to leave a comment so if you are really desperate for a comment, think from there. Perhaps try to change the way you write? It depends on you because you know yourself best. If you think I have misunderstood or whatsoever, feel free to approach me and we can talk further from there.
 
Story Layout: (3/5)
The gap in between each paragraph is really way too much and it is very unnecessary. A single tap on the ‘enter’ button would be much better.
 
Plot: (25/30)
In the beginning, I must say it was quite awkward to see Suho agreeing happily to their friendship because Suho hates Luhan’s guts but remain composed when Nari reluctantly agreed to be his ‘e’ for a set of documents. You should add some of Suho feelings into the story, not necessary to be in Nari POV. The readers want to know how Suho feels as well.

You had written Nari to be someone too gullible and gets over with her wrongdoings by kisses and hugs. Why would Nari place so much of trust in Luhan? Was it because she realized he wasn’t a bad person, as described by her brother and decided to trust him? Or after their steamy session, or had she realized something different about him that differentiates other men on earth? Explain clearly so as to give a clear idea to the readers. Little disturbed by the passionate kisses that turns into soon after at every paragraph. Please tone down a bit even though it may feel a little too overwhelming to some people. Though I must say for the epilogue, it was sweet to read that Luhan had helped Nari to build back up her house of cards and it became stronger than ever due to the love that they share :)

Characterization: (6.5/10)
Nari’s character wasn’t well described and I had to guess through her emotions and feelings to find out what kind of person was she, who she felt insecure with and how she manages to skim through troubles etc. Luhan, I could somehow tell he was a pure person and he was truly in love in Nari. As for the minor characters, it would best for them to give them some love and describe them as accurately as possible (even though I’m sure personalities will never stay the same, at least for most people) Please do take note that when a man is flirting with Nari or whosoever, please write in man instead of boy because about a boy trying to seduce Nari doesn’t seem quite right as the boy might be underage or doesn’t seem mature enough. Also, when addressing an older person, we usually address them by Ms/Mrs or Mr. ‘Madame’ is more appropriate for royals, especially for the queen. 


Content Description (4.5/10)
There isn’t much content to grasp the reader’s attention and the story seems to be dull and boring to them. Try to strengthen your vocabulary bank so as to be able to add in more powerful words to boost your story.
 

Flow: (3/5)
I think you have dragged the story a little too much. Its good to scrutinize the story so as to give the exact detail of the scene or whatsoever. However, you have taken it a little too far and give some unnecessary details. You could have combined similar/often repeated sentences together so as to go straight to the point and not beat around the bush.

Grammar: (5/10)

Grammar wise is very haywire because you are using mixed past and present tense all over the story. Reading the sentence alone deemed weird because of the wrong grammar and tenses used. 
EDIT ; I see that you are currently working with your editor for tense and grammar errors however, I will stick to my first impression on the story till you fully correct the tenses.
I have to add this on even though this falls under sentence structures. Please, don’t write like this >> You had a blackout. I carried you here for you to rest. 
Isn’t it very annoying. To read words written. Like this? You can always join the short sentences into one full sentence. For example >> You had a blackout thus I carried you up here to rest. Use conjunctions to help you complete sentences. It would surely look much better and it won’t be a pain to read full stops at every few words. 
 
Taste of the Story: (7.5/10)
Not quite my cup of tea even though there were many ups and downs throughout the story that may bring the reader closer to the story. Personally, I don’t really enjoy dark genres but I do think that you may have made an impact on changing me to like dark genres a little better :)
 



TOTAL: (66/100)


 

Thank you for requesting at LUST review shop.

63AGZKC.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
NeverNinaa #1
Chapter 110: Hello there! I saw that your shop is accepting requests and I was wondering how can I drop a request? I'm sorry, i'm using my phone right now and i can't seem to catch the request form anywhere XD could you please guide me?
sweetcandy65 #2
I love reading your reviews in this archive because not only your reviews were interesting, it also helped me with my own mistakes! Thank goodness you made this archive ♡
JESLEN #3
Chapter 75: 5/5
Thank you for your content description. I never realized that car scene before lol. But thank you for that. You’re right about the thoughts and feelings by other characters should not be actually realized by the person’s POV. Guess I’m too immersed in the writing that I got carried away lol.
Im glad the flow is alright. Considering that it’s my first story (my practice 101), I wasn’t sure if my pacing was alright. I wasn’t exactly confident with the flashbacks being inserted like that but I’m happy you liked it (;
Grammar is not really my best asset, especially prepositions/conjunctions. I absolutely need to learn more. Thank you for your kind words despite.
Thank you very much for reviewing my story despite the rated scenes. I can never thank you enough for this very insightful review. Im glad you enjoyed the story despite everything. And once again, Im so sorry for the late pick up! I’ll credit now. Thank you once again and sorry for the loooonnnnnng comments :D
JESLEN #4
Chapter 75: 4/5
- gray eyes come from a thin layer of melanin on the front layer of the iris. The blue reflection of light is clouded over by the dark layer in front causing a dark gray color. (haha copied it from a med book lol)
-you’re right about her car injuries, I’ve only described her immense aches and pain after and the switching of faces, I’ve realized I focused too much on the switching that her injuries weren’t emphasized, thank you for emphasizing that
JESLEN #5
Chapter 75: 3/5
Your questions are gold! Thank you! I’ll keep them in mind while writing. Well to answer some of them:
-Changing face is actually possible, but would require lots of sessions. It’s from a theory and no, it isn’t practiced. *hint* from the latest story update, they changed faces, but would the outcome be the same? Would it be successful this time?*hint*hint
-what caused the amnesia---will be revealed later on haha
-whether joongki can take med degrees when he’s still young...ill try to check if I missed out a detail here  haha, I thought i made that info clear before, but apparently it’s doubtful
-whether joongki is thinking about her in the café, then she appeared…well, she’s been on his mind consistently ever since she disappeared and that day wasn’t an exemption.
-about shi hoo looking at her the same way? Let’s see what will happen 
JESLEN #6
Chapter 75: 2/5
For the layout, being consistent is so hard T__T but thank you for pointing the specific flaws. I’ll get to that and correct them. Thank you!

To be honest, I’ve never watched Good Doctor although I loved both Moon Chae Won and Joo Won. All I know is that the drama is all about doctors. Anyway, I’ve thought of a plot involving switching faces and how from that, a story will be created. I’ve added arrange marriage because to be honest, I have a feels for them (that is, before AFF was supersaturated with arrange-marriage fics). From there, Ive thought of making a second male lead as a friend helping the heroine with her struggle, but I’ve thought it too dull. I never really planned on making the doctor her love interest, but after some thoughts, why not? It would be a challenge to write. This is actually my first story and I never really thought about the number of chapters. I never really planned ahead during that time. I was full of daydreams and what ifs, that I became too excited to make it a reality, a story. Looking back, I realized how “short” my chapters are since 3-5 chapters actually happened in just a day. From there, I tried to learn how to balance scenes with my other stories. I knew how tiring it must be to read a long story T__T but since I started Imposter this way, I have to continue with what I have and improve the balancing of scenes till the end. I’ve thought of revamping after completing, and hopefully can publish it in the future 
JESLEN #7
Chapter 75: 1/5
oh my goodness. I didnt realize my review is up, but i saw it when I played a little with google search. Im so sorry for the late pick up!
Anyway for the title, I agree that some may not find it attractive enough, but for now, you're right that I should stick with it since the end is near. I will definitely think of a more mysterious title once I’ve completed and revamped the story. For the graphics, I’m glad someone pointed out the different symbolism it held. The graphic artist definitely understood what the story is all about. I couldn’t ask for more, and we’re the same! Aside from the beauty, I appreciate an artwork more if the artist can imbed hints and important symbolisms. I understand what you’re trying to point out with the trailers. Actually, I requested trailers when the story is only starting. I only gave brief description to the video artists, without giving them the little big reveals. The trailers are actually their interpretation with what little summary I gave them.
yeolsbubbletea #8
Chapter 77: Oh, and I'm interested about the details of my grammar mistakes. I wish to talk a bit more about it :)
yeolsbubbletea #9
Chapter 77: Thank you for the review and sorry for the late thank you :) It's a relieve that I can make characters and the plot well, but of course it's a disappointment that reviewer-nim didn't enjoy reading my story 'that much'. Based on your building critiques, I guess I have to learn more and develop a more well established story that can leave a very good taste of the story. It makes me reflect a lot on my own story and reminds me that I still have a lot to improve.
I hope everything will go well for this review shop. Have a nice day! :)
Back to Top ↑