{Paper Princess by ZelosLittleBunny}

Story Title (3/5)

Your title is actually very original. I haven’t seen anything quite like it; and it feels as though you are trying to describe a character through unclear words. However, it has already been eleven chapters into your story and I see absolutely nothing that even hints why you have chose this title. I’m assuming that this is what Harry considers Olivia as or something in that context and I would like to see you  clarify it soon.

Graphics (-/-)

Description and Foreword (5/10)

I’m assuming that the prologue is the “foreward” to your story. The quote you used from Harry Styles himself adds in this feeling of reality to the story and I really enjoyed reading it, though I felt as if you could’ve added more in the beginning to at least give me a small summary of what you were going to be writing about. Quotes can give very vague details about the story, but for a reader like me, who doesn’t actually know Harry Styles that well, then its hard to even consider what this story is going to be about.

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (15/20)

I’ll give it to you, your characterisation is amazingly done. Well for Harry and the rest of the guys it is (Zain, Louis, and Niall). The subtle descriptions you gave of them every now and then gave me a better look at each individuals’ personality and appearance. To be honest, Zain was the best described so far. Not only did you describe what he looks and acts like in Harry’s POV, but you’ve also managed to give the readers more insight on his own little beliefs and ideas by the way he speaks to Harry.

Harry was an interesting character to read about since he has such a cold persona and has m such an “abnormal” past. Next time, I would suggest that you give more information about his family background. Why doesn’t his mother live with his father? Does his sister live with his father still and does Harry still keep in touch with his father?

Olivia on the other hand, I didn’t like so much. I didn’t know much about her and it took me a while to figure out that she was going to be the main female lead (I apologize beforehand, since I don’t read wattpad and didn’t look at the casting box). As a character, I don’t know much about her. What kind of student is she? Personality? I want details! As the main female character, I felt absolutely no emotion towards her. She was in my opinion, bland and a space filler. To spice up her character, I’d suggest giving her a few more scenes and lengthening them. Yes, I understand Harry is the main, main character, but I’ll be blunt and say that I’m bored every chapter that was a scene of Olivias’. There isn’t much about her that has made her stand out as the female lead...yet.

Notice how I said “yet”, meaning that I know you can fix her up and make her shine just as bright as Harry and Zain!

Originality (7/10)

This is a lot like those stories where the guy has a really dark/messed-up past and he has to start afresh by moving away. I don’t see too much romance going on in this story yet and I hope that it doesn’t come to a point where Harry is changing his everything for Olivia (the love interest) or vice-versa. There isn’t much I can say about this category except that I believe that you have many twists and turns up your sleeves. I can’t wait to find out what they are!

Flow (3/5)

In my opinion, the flow was extremely slow paced. By no means am I saying that slow paced stories are bad; on the contrary because they can contain great scenes with a lot of buildup for the plot. One thing I noticed was that you like to explain exactly what is happening in every scene. For example, let’s use the math scenes when Harry is in Adv. Calculus. I really liked that you had some actually explanations of the lesson incorporated into the story to make it more realistic, but I noticed that you did it more than once, which can sometimes bore a reader. I will commend you though (I know it seems like I’m really bipolar, but I’m doing my best to address all the necessary points) on the smooth transitioning from scene to scene. At the end of a lot of chapters, I wouldn’t consider them to be cliffhanger endings, but they really do allow a reader to yearn for more. Not every scene has to end with suspense and you’ve proven that!

Conflict twists (5/10)

So far, I haven’t seen any conflict twists that stand out to me. One scene that caught my attention though is when Harry was with Zaine in the library and they seemed to be more open to each other until Zain asked about Harry’s past. That was a scene that showed us a meaner/more aggressive side to the normally quiet and cold-shoulder seventeen year old that is being portrayed in most anywhere else. Again, no major plot twists or anything so I don’t have much to say.

Content Descriptiveness (10/10)

You truly have a talent at depiction. Each scene that took place seemed to stand out in its own little way. A good author knows the balance between description and dialogue. I’d say that you took it to the next level, considering the fact that your description was actually embedded into your dialogue. Everything was so vividly expressed that I couldn’t help but visualize what you were writing about! No complaints here, keep up the amazing work!

Grammar (12/15)

Your grammar and punctuation is impeccably well done. The only thing I can call you out for is that you sometimes use the wrong words to describe a scenario. The meaning is there and all, but the word just isn’t correct! Other than that, I could probably spend the entire night looking for some errors and waste the hours away. There are a few sentences that are sentence fragments, but I know that they are there to provide emotions for the story. Great work in this category.

Taste of the Story (8/10)

First off all, I don’t read/listen/like One Direction. Its not that I don’t like them, but I do not associate myself as part of their fandom. I don’t actually acknowledge their fandom, if I do say so myself. Therefore, before you kill me, I was just going to tell you that you’ve done amazing in this fanfic. Honestly, you’ve requested a 10/10 on criticism level, but I honestly can’t be up to par  with it. Your writing style is amazingly unique! I don’t know how much help I have been able to provide for you, since this fic is already standing so strong. I hope you’ll have found some part of this helpful and I can’t wait to read more of your writing works! Hwaiting author-nim!

Score: 66/100

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