Aurealion: The Curse of the Park Twins
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AUREALION: THE CURSe of the park twins
TWO SOULS, BORN TWINS, BOUNDED BY A CURSE.
Beyond the dancing curtains of spectacular hues, would you ever expect a world existing behind the Northern skies of Aurora Borealis and Australis?
That world is called AUREALION : a magical land of mystical creatures and elemental keepers.
And within the boundaries of this realm, two souls have been embarked in a life accompanied by a curse.
A curse which will lead them to a choice.
A choice which can take the life of one of them.
Beyond the dancing curtains of spectacular hues, would you ever expect a world existing behind the Northern skies of Aurora Borealis and Australis?
That world is called AUREALION : a magical land of mystical creatures and elemental keepers.
And within the boundaries of this realm, two souls have been embarked in a life accompanied by a curse.
A curse which will lead them to a choice.
A choice which can take the life of one of them.
reviewed by: exoexoexolellel
Title (3/5)
I do not favour titles that have more than three words, but since your story is of the fantasy genre, it's fine. Having "Aurealion" and "Curse of the Park Twins" divided by a semi-colon shows that "Aurealion" is the main subject and "Curse of the Park Twins" is just a tangent. I'm not saying this is wrong as I do not decide where the story is headed, but I am putting it out there.
Before I read the story, your title deemed interesting though it looked like you weren't trying to enfore a meaning behind the title. After the story, I realised that the title stated what the story is about, in quite a dull and boring manner and that made me feel that the title isn't special in itself.
Graphics (1/5)
Without a doubt, it's an amazing work of art, however it hurt my eyes looking at it. There are way too many props embedded into the group of boys at the top of the poster. I couldn't figure out which piece of hair belonged to who's. It gave me a headache looking at the group of boys as I stared at the specifics. I'd understand that Sandara was put on the opposite side of Sanghyun to show that they are different personality-wise, but I couldn't recognise Dara in her upside-down state, and it's not very appealing having to see her features the wrong way up.
Also, the title's colour - white - is too similar to the background of the poster, making it difficult to see. The same goes for the credits at the bottom right of the poster. Speaking of that, you should really get your current username on the poster as it looks like you stole the poster off the rightful author "IamEunice".
Description and Foreword: (8/10)
This part was very well done. I quite like the two galaxy arrows, with the title and slogan neatly slided into it. The description is very capturing and engaging. I think it's a very suitable introduction to the story. The only thing I would point out is that there should only be one hiven between the two "everything"s. The trailer is okay, but it faltered my curiousity a little as I found the dynamic movements distracting. SImple zooming in and out of scenes/pictures, and frequent black transitions are much more effective than the camera moving from angle to angle. Voiceovers are really rare in trailers, and I think this is actually the first time I've encountered one, so nice job with that. Again with the crediting, it's best to wipe off "IamEunice". As I missed that in the poster the first time round, I completely freaked when I saw it in the trailer. It seems that the older I grow, the more Eunices I meet, which is disappointing as I thought I had a pretty unique name.
BUT HIGH-FIVE FOR HAVING SUCH AN AWESOME NAME :D.
(Awks if your name isn't actually Eunice).
The character charts are perfect. I like how you made the first letter of everyone's names larger and set in a different colour. The quotes promote the genre of "love", and three of the men's tell me that they are pining for Sandara. Having seen Jieun in the trailer, I wonder why she doesn't feature in the characters' section.
Your description and foreword beautifully creates an engaging charisma to the story. The two lost points are from the trailer.
Story Layout: (3/5)
I don't approve of how there is so much space between the paragraphs in the chapters. The eyes naturally spots things that are closer and tighter rather than things that are more spread out. One clear line is enough. I'd suggest you go back through your chapters and fix the layout however there are a lot and I know it will be tedious.
You've kept everything in the foreword consistently to the middle, which is very appealing.
Plot: (30/30)
I don't usually read fantasy stories, but I do love them. I haven't come across a plot where there is an "in-between" world and it's split into four lands that possess the power of the classic four elements. I love your ideas, from the part where a wizard curses the twins because of jealousy, to keeping Sandara and Sanghyun locked into the palace to prevent them meeting new people and falling in love, to the Demons attacking all of a sudden (though I had already anticipated it in the masquerade ball) and chasing them everywhere.
Here's a secret to me reading stories under the fantasy genre: I get really biased.
And can I just say, that the King and Queen was stupid to hold a masquearade ball to celebrate the twin's birthday that allowed the public to set their eyes on the twins for the first time. As if the demons would miss the opportunity of killing not only the twins, but the King and Queen, palace staff, and all the guests?
Anyway, there are multiple plot twists you have given us and they are all interesting on their own. From the two soldiers running away and being murdered (poor Jin, Taec deserved to die), to the twins losing their mother after their father, and finally, the biggest plot twist in my opinion, Sanghyun's hidden power. This was my thought as I read the words about the demons finding Sanghyun:
"Oh my god is this how one of the main characters die? But she (being you) can't kill him off now, it's still pretty early in the story for him to die. He's too far away for anyone to save him, except his mother who's just chilling lifelessly at the bottom of the cliff (I KNOW I'M SO HEARTLESS). He can't fight though, even if he had his sword he's too weak and it's not like he can face all these demons. He's going to die. But he can't! Oh my god if Sanghyun gets magically saved one more time I will slap her (being you again) because they've been saved way too many times! Omg he's really going to die."
And then suddenly Sanghyun has lightening which totally blew my mind. It's rare for me to be left stunned and speechless, and you, madam, had just achieved that.
You kept the suspense up with the mysterious old man and his young apprentice who can foresee the future. It's so agitating to see that everyone's out there dying and these two know what's going to happen hours beforehand.
You've done a splendid job creating and developing this story.
Characterization: (10/10)
The introduction and develpment of the characters are perfect. You can see how everyone is changing as more events hit them, and how they struggle to cope. I'm sure everyone is annoyed at Sandara's weak state BECAUSE I CERTAINLY AM but that's her major flaw and I'd just criticise you even more if you made Sandara the perfect, flawless heroine. Her cowardice only balances out with Sanghyun's desparate courageous one, which is really good. The parents are the loving ones, and we can perfectly see how much they treasure the twins. Seungho is the perfect warrior. I'm glad to see that you have made Taecyeon and Jin to rebel, to let the readers know that the villagers may not be on the royals' side once they learn the truth.
You've done an excellent job in this category.
Content Description (10/10)
I've come to notice that you would describe scenes indirectly unless you come across important and necesary scenes, such as the masquerade ball. This isn't bad, it's quite useful actually, as I still comprehended images in my head. You use a variety of vocabulary - and that's really good - but sometimes I think you get a little too carried away. Exquisite, luscious, exotic, splendid, magnificent, elegant, the list goes on.
I've come to notice that you would describe scenes indirectly unless you come across important and necesary scenes, such as the masquerade ball. This isn't bad, it's quite useful actually, as I still comprehended images in my head. You use a variety of vocabulary - and that's really good - but sometimes I think you get a little too carried away. Exquisite, luscious, exotic, splendid, magnificent, elegant, the list goes on.
Flow: (5/5)
You have given us so much to mull over and somehow managed to stablise a smooth flow. This is great to see. Maintain a steady flow contributes a significant value to deciding whether a story is a good read. Keep it up!
You have given us so much to mull over and somehow managed to stablise a smooth flow. This is great to see. Maintain a steady flow contributes a significant value to deciding whether a story is a good read. Keep it up!
Grammar: (10/10)
As I mentioned before, you use sophisticated language, so I wouldn't be expecting an unsatisfactory grammar foundation. I don't know how much your beta-reader has contributed to this, but I only scraped up a few missing words, and to my amazement, no typographical errors?!?!?! Your grammar is on-point. I have nothing to say.
Taste of the Story: (10/10)
I really enjoyed your story. Thank you for creating such a wonderful read! After reading the last amazing chapter, I went back to your foreword and was surprised to see that you have given us 21 chapters in three weeks! I usually update weekly or fornightly o.o . It seems that you are absent, or you're experiencing a writer's block, or you've lost the motivation, but nevertheless I wish you the best for the continuation of the story. Just to remind you, you have 394 subscribers waiting in anticipation, and one who could possibly hunt you down if you do not update soon :). Just kidding. That is so ironic of me as I myself have lost the motivation to continue my two current stories.
I really enjoyed your story. Thank you for creating such a wonderful read! After reading the last amazing chapter, I went back to your foreword and was surprised to see that you have given us 21 chapters in three weeks! I usually update weekly or fornightly o.o . It seems that you are absent, or you're experiencing a writer's block, or you've lost the motivation, but nevertheless I wish you the best for the continuation of the story. Just to remind you, you have 394 subscribers waiting in anticipation, and one who could possibly hunt you down if you do not update soon :). Just kidding. That is so ironic of me as I myself have lost the motivation to continue my two current stories.
I usually don't, but I will stay subscribed though I'm not sure if I'll be able to continue reading your updates as I devote all my time on AFF to reviewing, advertising, and writing my stories. And even though reviewing can be tiring at times, it's these wonderful stories I come across that makes up for all the tedious times.
BTW, I actually put a lot more emotion and words to this review before, except I accidentally clicked on a link without saving it and I had to start all over again (not to mention I had finished your review head to toe). Forgive me if my thoughts seem a little lifeless.
TOTAL: (90/100)
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