{Cold Waters by kaepie}

Story Title (3/5)

The title is appealing and eye catching. It is also currently the only fanfiction titled "Cold Waters". I do see the relevance between the story and title however it didn't strike me as the perfect title for your story as you didn't stress your reasoning of how the story revolves around the title. At one point, you mentioned that the water was warm when Jiyeon had decided to surrender to Zelo's wrath. I'd have to guess that you might have been thinking about Yongguk when establishing the title, however romance did not strive to be dominative in your story and if you intended for it to be, romance did not make it on one of your tags. Relevance is quite a significant aspect and I don't think you have fulfilled that, or at least make it clear how "Cold Waters" would sum up your story.

Graphics (5/5)

Your poster is wonderful and I like the way it shows the rank of the more significant people. However, it is still bothering me that you haven't made romance a strong point so I would have taken half a point for maximising Yongguk but you requested for an average critiscm level so I'll let you off.

Description and Foreword (8/10)

The description, foreword and trailer is very engaging. However, you probably should have included your description in the story as I didn't even realise how the title had connected to the story until going back over your story for a second time and re reading the description. As I said before, you didn't sress the dominance of the coldness in Jiyeon so I wouldn't think that the description is that suitable. It is definitely effective though. You've used the classic font and being a reader, it gave off a boring vibe to your descriptions To me, the font is quite uncomfortable to look at. To further improve the aesthetic look of your opening act, you should play around with fonts.

{Story Plot}

Characterisation (20/20)

None of the character introductions were abrupt. All were beautifully composed and Jiyeon's character was smoothly developed.

Originality (10/10)

I definitely haven't seen a similar storyline before, so well done for thinking up such a unique plot. It's becoming quite common for authors to kill off their character but you've ended yours perfectly.

Flow (4/5)

The events flowed quite well though you didn't explain how Yongguk had escaped. That is quite a significant part and I think you should elaborate more on the fact that Jiyeon actually loves Yongguk rather than just crushing on him. Maybe describe a scene where they experienced a memorable meeting in their past lives or something the like.

Conflict twists (10/10)

I did not expect for all of them to die so you definitely shocked me on that. It was just one depressing death after another... you really have a knack for keeping readers on their toes. Nice job!

Content Descriptiveness (7/10)

There is an ample amount of description in your story though the fact that you were vague about just how large the river is was confusing me during the actions scenes. When you say river, I imagined a really long one but probably only ten metres wide. It confused me to see that Jiyeon had taken such a long time to get across the river, even though parts of her was injured and the current was pulling her down. She is still a goddess, isn't she? At one point, you even mentioned a sea though I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a hyperbole or not. Another thing is that I'm not familiar with the gods and goddesses' powers therefore I was really confused when Jiyeon had the ability to summon owls and create illusions that affected reality. Can all gods do that? Isn't Zelo strong enough to stop that? And why didn't Jiyeon do this before so she probably could have prevented Ailee's and Yongguk's death?

When I glanced over your foreword, I was thinking "Wow, how on earth is she going to fit all of this into a one-shot?" as war and tragedy are two broad genres that need a fair amount of background information. I was expecting a hole of the story to pop up somewhere and I guess here it is. It's not too big though.

So basically, you should have provided some form of description about the gods and goddess' so that people who aren't familiar with the greek gods (COUGHCOUGH) wouldn't be left in the dark. Maybe put the information in the foreword?

Grammar (12/15)

I was expecting for your grammar to be up to scratch as you are, after all, a reviewer.

However I did find a few errors.

This mistake happened a few times. If the second part of the dialogue has the first letter capitalised, there should be a period after the tag verb (she whispered, he growled, etc).

Quote: “Get your together,” Jiyeon snapped, “Or do you want me to leave you here to get your rest for a few minutes then die after?”

Correction: “Get your together,” Jiyeon snapped. “Or do you want me to leave you here to get your rest for a few minutes then die after?”

There is no tag verb in the examples provided so the comma should be replaced be a period.

Quote: Furrowing her brows, she shot another question in Youngjae’s face, “Why? Am I not strong enough? We’ve won all the battles when we were allies!”

Correction: Furrowing her brows, she shot another question in Youngjae’s face. “Why? Am I not strong enough? We’ve won all the battles when we were allies!”

Quote: “What happened?” concern laced his words as he stepped closer to Jiyeon, reaching out a hand which stopped inches from her face.

Correction: “What happened?” Concern laced his words as he stepped closer to Jiyeon, reaching out a hand which stopped inches from her face.

Just a few mistakes I think you overlooked while proof reading:

Quote: The current hit her, strong and hard, and she was forced back into the waters as her lungs burnt, not having inhaled any air before.

Correction: The current hit her, strong and hard, and she was forced back into the waters as her lungs burned, not having inhaled any air before.

Quote: She gripped onto Yongguk’s strong, strong hands and held onto it, noticing the coldness that seeped into his skin, as she mourned internally for her lover as tears trickled down her face.

Correction: She gripped onto Yongguk’s strong, strong hands and held onto it, noticing the coldness that seeped into his skin, as she mourned internally for her lover, tears trickling down her face.

A formality thing. Digits should only be used to state the date or someone's age. You've done the correct thing in similar situations after this quote so I assume that you were feeling a little lazy?

Quote: 200 more metres.

Correction: Two hundred more metres.

Taste of the Story (10/10)

Aside from the confusion, I did enjoy your story and your ending was absolutely stunning. I still can't get over the fact how you managed to fit all of this in a one shot. You're quite a talented author.

Do excuse me when I give you brief comments in some categories as I don't usually spew out a handful of praises. I was honestly running out of different compliments to say xD

Score: 89/100

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